Justification and Explanation

This post will mean nothing to most of you out there, but to be honest, it's meant for one person specifically.

There are times when we screw up.

In my case it's often.

Why do we do this? I have no idea, but there are times when our actions and words are not governed by any rational thought process, but by a foolish desire for others to feel as badly as you do.

In my case I did this yesterday. I let my words hurt someone I care for. To be honest, hurting them was not my intent, but I knowingly said these stupid and foolish things.

Yes, I do admit that I have felt pain over things that have happened between she and I, but that was no reason to say the things I did. She at all times has been kind and civil to me, moreso than I ever deserved.

And now she's upset, and she's totally justified in being upset, angry, pissed off, and wanting to rip my head off constantly.

Add to this that I am definitely not feeling well, emotionally or physically, so when she tried to explain how she was feeling, I didn't understand a fucking thing.

All I can say now is I'm sorry. I've said it thousands of times before, and I'll probably say it thousands of times again.

I have been useless as a friend to understand your pain and hurt.

You have no need to justify or explain anything to me, ever. I don't deserve your explanations.

Only know this: You are the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes upon. You are the sheer epitomy of kindness melded with pure beauty so as to create an amazingly wonderful woman.

You once sent me a song Beautiful Soul. As I write this I'm listening to that song, and I must tell you may be as beautiful as you are, so much so that when I saw you I was stunned, but it is definitely the beauty of your soul that makes you shine.

Believe me or don't believe me. That is your prerogative as an individual. Only know that I think this.

I feel the words

So there I am sitting at my computer.

Listening to music, had just finished talking to Cowgirl, and she had to leave abruptly. And the moment she logs off I hear "Untitled" by A Simple Plan

I listened to this song and seriously for a few moments it felt as though it were written for me right at this moment. It just summed everything up.

So here for your reading pleasure are the lyrics.


"Untitled"

I open my eyes
I try to see but I’m blinded by the white light
I can’t remember how
I can’t remember why
I’m lying here tonight
And I can’t stand the pain
And I can’t make it go away
No I can’t stand the pain

How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream

How could this happen to me
Everybody’s screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I’m slipping off the edge
I’m hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again

So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered
And I can’t explain what happened
And I can’t erase the things that I’ve done
No I can’t

How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream

How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream

How could this happen to me

Watching my toenails grow

I am completely and utterly bored.

There is absolutely nothing to do and noone to do it with. (I realize that that sounds incredibly kinky)

It's a gorgeous day, barely a slight breeze making the tree leaves flutter and nothing to do.

I could go out, but noone to go out with. I could go to a movie, but there's nothing more depressing than going to see a movie all by your lonesome.

Noone to call, noone to talk to, hell noone to chat with either. This is soooooooo depressing and annoying.

Nothing more to do than watch my toenails grow.

A moment of indecision...

I'm ready.

As promised here is what happened when I spoke with my ex, last night.

She had asked me to call her so that we could talk about something, and of course as you all know I was terrified.

I've been calling her home daily so that I could talk to Frankie, and during these calls, she and I barely exchanged 3 or 4 words, except for last week when she wanted to talk about my son's birthday party (he's turning 3 on September 26).

During all of this time I didn't notice that anything was different with her. Goes to show you how intuitive I am.

Then a couple of nights ago she said "Can you call me on Friday night so that we can talk, just the two of us?"

Obviously I said yes, since I didn't really notice anything. I just kind of figured that it would have to do with Frankie's birthday.

So I called her. For the first 5 or 10 minutes we talked about useless, unimportant things, like how it was going for me here in Canada, my work, her work. I started getting nervous, so I flat-out asked her "What did you need to talk to me about?"

The 2 minutes that followed before she answered were probably the most nerve-wracking minutes I've gone through since I arrived in Canada. Finally she says to me "I want you to come back to us. Come back to Frankie, come back to me."

WTF?????????

Obviously this whole conversation is going on in Spanish.

I couldn't even move my mouth. Then she says "Mi amor, estas ahi?" This means "My love, are you there?"

I was so utterly confused. So utterly distraught that I broke down and started crying.

Those of you who read this blog on a regular basis will probably know a bit of the history here. This is the woman who said she stopped loving me almost a year ago, and who actually stopped loving me almost two years ago. This is the woman who returned to her abusive ex-boyfriend, because of one stupid cell phone call, where according to her "I heard his voice and he rocked my world" (I'm not kidding, those were her actual words, translated of course). This is the woman who no more than two months ago threatened to take my son away permanently, because I had gone to a friend's cottage in Wasaga Beach for a weekend.

She wants me to go back. By November. If it were only for Frankie, I wouldn't even hesitate.

But she wants me to go back for her too.

I tried explaining to her that I couldn't be with her anymore. There was just too much pain. She asked me if there was anyone else. 1 month ago, I would have answered in the affirmative, but I told her "No, there's noone else, and it has nothing to do with that anyways."

I don't know what I'm supposed to do.

Do I still love her? Of course I do, noone can turn love on and off like a water faucet, and if they can, it wasn't true love to begin with.

What about my falling in love with someone else while I've been here? Yes, I do still love that person. How can this be? We all love different people differently. I'm not talking about caring, and loving, I'm talking about being in love.

How do I reconcile this? Emotionally I can't. I know that there is no possibility of a romantic relationship with the person here in Canada, and how am I supposed to go back to a woman who purported to love me at one time, and then because of a phone call decided that she didn't?

How am I supposed to fight for a love, which I don't know that I still want? When I had already fought my hardest to keep that love, and it failed?

I wrote not long ago that I was done with love. Obviously this was a hurt, rational decision. And rational decisions cannot dictate what the heart and mind feel. But do I continue to consciously choose not to love. Should I isolate myself emotionally from women, because I feel pain everytime that I am with them?

Do I go back? Go back to her?

For my son, I would go back, and I am seriously considering going back solely for him. He does need me.

But, do I go back for her?

I don't know.

I should have named my blog "I DON'T KNOW" instead of "STUCK BETWEEN WORLDS" maybe that would have been more appropriate.

Or maybe my current title really is the most appropriate, since it does show how I'm feeling right now.

This blog is my only outlet now. I don't have anyone to talk to about my issues and problems. Family? Forget about it. My family does not talk about their problems, we bottle them away and let them fester. Friends? I don't have many friends to speak of, only one really, she's my best friend, but I won't allow myself to burden her with my problems (even though I know she'll read about this here). I have to figure this out alone.

Alone.

Is there any scarier word in the English language?

I'm afraid to find out.

The Aristocrats

************Warning: Read at your own risk!*****************************
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Well, I heard about this movie that Penn & Teller made, The Aristocrats. Apparently it's about a joke that's been told backstage of comedy acts since Vaudeville times. This is not a joke for the faint of heart, to be honest, it's not even for the strong of heart either. I've read that it was told at Hugh Hefner's Birthday party, and has been told even by one of the Smother's Brothers, but never in public, until this movie.

The joke goes something like this, and no way am I gonna write the whole thing, mostly because it's not the details of the joke that make it funny, but the personal delivery of each comedian that tells it.

A man walks into a talent agency and goes directly to speak with the talent agent in charge. He says : "I have the most amazing family act for you, you'll absolutely love it!" The talent agent looks at him and says: "I don't know, family acts are always cutesy, and sometimes boring"

The man: "Seriously you'll love it"

Talent Agent: "Ok, what's it about?"

At this point the man starts describing disgusting, revolting, degrading acts of incest, scat play, golden showers. Vile acts between each of the family members (who vary from telling to telling).

At the end of the telling, the Talent Agent is standing there with his mouth wide open, and finally says: "Oh my God! What do you call the act??"

The man looks at him and answers: "The Aristocrats"


I'm definitely gonna go see the movie, but for those of you who want a preview, there is a hilarious version done by Cartman from South Park here.

Holy Shit!

Apparently, over the phone, I'm doable!

I'm a sex god!

Or maybe not.

I was on the phone today with a customer asking for assistance with her phone, and since it's Friday I decided to take it easy and enjoy the conversation. Oh boy, what a mistake.

Apparently the nice lady on the other end of the conversation thought I was really charming, and she decided to hit on me!

HOLY SHIT!

I decided to just let myself go, and have fun. There was nothing else to do.

After about 15 mins of conversation she decided to jump the gun and she said "I'm coming up to Canada and I'm going to do you!"

Guess I've got skills!

I think I must be irradiated!

I have no fucking idea why, but I woke up in pain!

All over my body there were shots of pain going through. What the hell did I do to make my butt cheeks, my arms, my neck and my eyebrows hurt???????

I really don't get it.

In other news, I spent about an hour on the phone last night with Frankie. When we were finished talking he said "Bye Papa" and I said "Bye Frankie". Then I told him to hang up, and he said "No papa, you hang up first". I decided to play along with him and told him the exact same thing. We ended up doing that for almost 20 minutes. LOL!

I enjoyed talking to him alot, but I miss him alot too.

More news: My "ex"-wife wants to talk to me tonight. I have no idea about what, but she said that it's very important.

I think I'm scared.

I'm done with it all

I'm done with love.

I know that's a little extreme, but yup, I'm done with love.

I give up.

I've decided that it'll be better to not love anymore. It'll hurt less.

I was once told that love not reciprocated cannot be true. In my case, I guess I'll just have to wait, and keep searching.

Friendship is good, though.

I should have listened to BG long ago. BG if you're out there, you were right. I'd love to talk to you tonight, 'cause I know you'd understand.

Does anyone have King Kong's phone number???

I was hurt today.

I don't think the person meant to hurt me, at least I hope she didn't, but nonetheless, she did.

It made me feel really sick to my stomach. I don't mean that it disgusted me.

I just felt kind of confused. Like that's different from any other day, eh?

I tried explaining some of what was happening to me, but I couldn't find the words, and she took my hesitation in the wrong way. I think she was a little annoyed (or maybe alot) at that.

I don't know how to move forward now.

Impoverished Despair

I bought a small white wristband today.

I also put a banner on my blog.

I've seen these banners and these small wristbands before, and I truly think that it's a very powerful and good cause. Make Poverty History.

I originally saw the banner on Adria's blog, and later saw the wristband on a friend's wrist a couple of weeks ago. I decided to look into it, and I truly think that there may be no better cause at this moment in time.

I have never suffered from poverty. I have never suffered want or despair. I truly don't think that many of us understand what it is to truly suffer from poverty. Of course we see the statistics, we see the images, and for those of us courageous enough, we see the first hand effects. But to truly feel the despair and desolation of poverty? To truly not know where your next meal is coming from?

Forget about all our petty worries, forget the stupid cell phone bill, or the internet bill. Forget about not being able to get that paintjob for your car, or that new designer pair of jeans. Forget about that hair care product, or those seriously cool sunglasses you want to buy. Forget about those shoes, or that DVD player, or that computer. It's all meaningless.

What isn't meaningless is trying to make the world a better place. Trying to help those people who literally cannot help themselves. We must rise above the inane meanderings of our lives, and assist.

I once read a book that proposed the idea that the purpose of life was "To Strive for the Infinite". This is a very ubiquitous statement which means that we must do everything we can to reach perfection, but that even though our journey may very well end in failure, we must continue to strive. What better way to strive for that infinite, than to try to end despair. To try to end suffering.

Join me in this simple yet powerful campaign to try and make the world a better place. Yes, I know this sounds corny, but as I've previously stated, the corny and cheesy lines are the ones that hold the most truth and are the most powerful. Buy a wristband, or put a banner on your website or blog, or write a letter, or write an email. Anything, so long as we help.

Help.

That's what we must do.

The pen having writ moves on...

I've been sitting here surfing through blogs.

For maybe 2 hours, just surfing and surfing. I keep on surfing, I'm gonna start thinking I should go pro.

But I digress.

As I was saying, I've been surfing for all this time through all these blogs, and I keep returning to the same 7 or 8 blogs. Especially one.

Not that the other blogs I've seen aren't amazingly interesting, they are. It's just that returning to all these familiar blogs is like dropping in on an old friend just to say hi. This friend is never annoyed at the unexpected visit. Quite the contrary, this friend hopes that you will return, and often. And I do.

I'm stuck on these 7 or 8 blogs, because they're comfortable. I like feeling comfortable. But I don't like being stagnant. Stagnance leads to putrefication and that's not a good thing.

I don't want to get stuck in a rut of doing the same things everyday, but what else is one to do?

I just re-read everything I've just written, and for some reason it seems like I'm writing about something else entirely. Is this that damnable evasive subtext rearing its head again?????

Believe me, all I'm doing is trying to flesh my thoughts out. I'm just sitting here and listening to music. Wondering how I can move my life forward in the way I want to.

Do I take a step towards the ledge? Do I have the balls to jump off, not knowing if there's a safety net, not even really caring?

I'd like to ask something of my faithful readers. Comment on this post. Not with how amazingly well written it is ;-) or with how my bitter diatribes keep your attention, but with your own personal experiences. How have you, my faithful reader, moved forward? In what way have you decided to "read more than just the same blogs"?

What was your leap of faith?

Do we have ESP??

I keep wondering, is there any truth to psychic abilities?

Can some people really see the future before it unfolds? Are some people truly empathic? Telepathic even?

Obviously this all sounds very cool, but at the same time it's a bit frightening. Consider this: If people can really see the future, does this mean that our future is pre-planned? Do we have no say in what we're going to do? Are we led to a final destination by some unknown hand?

If people are truly empathic or telepathic, are our emotions and thoughts no longer our own? Do they feel and sense the emotions and thoughts that are not fully formed or only the ones we consciously feel and think? For example, I got seriously pissed off at my uncle the other day, and for one instant there was an image of me punching him and then throttling him. Maybe 2 seconds later that image was gone. But do these empathic and telepathic people (if they exist) feel even these miscarriages of thought and emotion? I would never hurt my uncle or any other member of my family, but we've all thought at one moment or another "I'm gonna kill him/her"

Are these the thoughts that are being broadcast, as well as the nice thoughts we probably seldom have?

Then the question becomes "Do we all have these powers to some extent?"

If we make an analogy regarding physical abilities, we can analyze this. Not everyone can participate in the 100 M dash at the Olympics, or be a Hockey Star, or an amazing Soccer Player like Pelé. If we delve into mental abilities, not everyone can play Chess like Kasparov, or analyze String theory like Dr. Brian Greene. But aren't we all capable of small examples of these? I may not be able to analyze String theory like Dr. Greene, but I can do arithmetic. I can't play Soccer like Pelé could but I can kick the ball around with my Dad or my Son. Is this analogy apt? And if it is, does this mean that although not all of us have strong extra-sensory powers, all of us may be capable of using them at a bare minimum of level?

And so we arrive at Intuition. Might intuition be a low level version of seeing the future, empathy and/or telepathy? Might we all at one point or another be receiving images, feelings or thoughts from those closest to us emotionally? I say "emotionally" because if ESP works at all, it doesn't seem to be location or distance oriented.

Or is intuition just simply our subconscious mind analyzing reactions, our surroundings, sounds, smells, vocal modulations, past actions and then a logical conclusion arises based on these stimuli?

I don't know.

And what of moments when intuition starts poking its head around when there is no immediate physical interaction? Can it be true intuition? Is this evidence that intuition is truly a function of extra-sensory perception? Or does the argument fall to pieces?

What are we supposed to do? Do we follow what our intuition tells us? Do we base it all on faith?

I know these are a lot of questions. But sometimes questions are all we have.

It all kind of scares me.

The pain is overwhelming

It hurts.

I cut my finger last night. Badly.

I was slicing bread for dinner last night, and next thing I know the bread is wet and red.

I just didn't understand what was happening, until I looked beside the sliced bread and saw a small piece of my index finger on the cutting board.

That's when it started to hurt.

I wasn't even paying attention. I guess I was kind of blue.

Luckily Crazy Glue works for finger parts. (I read somewhere that medics and nurses in World War I and II would use instant adhesive to close wounds temporarily, and I thought Why Not?)

Still hurts today.

It goes without saying that we didn't eat the bread.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY COWGIRL!!!

It's today!



Well, a very special and important person is celebrating her 30th birthday today!

I'd like to wish her the very best on such a momentous occasion, as is her 30th birthday. Those of us who know her were all very blessed on the day she was born!

Please join me in wishing her the best of days.

Love you, hun!

I'm flabbergasted at how good he looks!

I used to watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer. A lot.

I guess you could say I was obsessed, but a good kind of obsessed.

To be completely honest, I really liked the character interactions. Sure, Sarah Michelle Gellar was seriously hot while kicking vampire ass, but it was good interactions.

I really liked the relationship between the Buffy and Angel characters, and later on the Buffy and Spike characters. I thought they clicked.

But today I was reading an article about James Marsters (Spike on Buffy) being cast as Brainiac on Smallville. So I decided to do an internet search of James Marsters, and holy crap!!! I found out he's 43 years of age!!!

Damn!

This guy looks amazing for his age!! He just turned 43 on Saturday (Happy Birthday James).



I hope I look that good when I'm his age. Hell, I wish I looked that good now.

What does it take to learn to fly?

I'd really like to know...what does it take to be really happy?

I don't think happiness is inevitable. I truly think that we have to work to achieve it, looking for the things that make us happy during the days that we tread on this earth. I know of some things that make me happy and others that don't.

I've been really missing someone lately. In the past few days our communication has been sporadic at best, due to electronic problems. And because of this I've been sad and blue. I've been thinking about her constantly. I think about our conversations and the day we saw each other again. And those memories make me happy, but this lack of contact doesn't.

I talk with Frankie almost every day now, and whenever I talk to him he calls me Superman and Elephant (mostly because I do voices for him and he loves it). He laughs like crazy everytime we talk and he makes me smile, and for a time I'm happy.

Work holds no joy for me. I guess I'm just going through the motions, although I still give 100% if not more. It's just not in me to not try and do a great job. But even so, I have no purpose there.

Am I looking for reason, purpose, understanding? Am I trying to find meaning in words and emotions? I guess I am, but mostly I think I'm trying to do what everyone is trying to do, be happy.

I know we're all trying to find pretty much the same things as we ramble on through our lives. Moments of joy that will eventually accumulate into a general glow of happiness once we reach those final moments. But as we go through each of the moments of non-joy do we truly understand what will bring us happiness? Do we strive for that happiness with every fibre of our being? Or do we just float through life as if we were a piece of driftwood on the ocean, waiting to arrive at that sandy shore? Do we even know what will make us happy as we move through our lives? I know what makes me happy, I truly do. And this is a contradiction in and of itself.

Whenever I think about all of this my thoughts inevitably turn towards my special someone. I keep returning to the matter of this special woman because she has become such an important part of my life in so short of time. This astonishes me, but at the same time I love it. Not only am I in love with her, but she's my best friend. And I've noticed these past few days how much I miss her laughter, her voice, her smile, her eyes, her witty comments. I miss being able to constantly tell her how beautiful she is, even though I know she'll deny it always.

And I sit here staring at the computer screen thinking that maybe understanding will come. Maybe a shred of enlightenment. But no. I sit here and no answers come forth, only perpetual static. So I sit here wondering and hoping.

Wondering and hoping. What better definition of life is there?

Boring weekend

I honestly did nothing at all this weekend.

I worked on Saturday night, and did nothing at work.

Sunday I did nothing of import. Honestly, the only thing I did on Sunday was watch "The Cat in the Hat".

All I really did all weekend was stare at the fucking computer screen. Damn thing mocks me. It laughs at me.

Chewing on my pen cap

I'm kinda nervous.

I don't think I made as nice an impression as I thought.

I'm a little confused I guess. Actually no, I'm really confused.

Maybe she didn't feel the spark.

Maybe I'm jumping to conclusions. I should wait and see.

I WANT MY PILLOW!!

Ugh.

I slept in this morning. Not much, just half an hour, but it screwed up my whole morning.

Woke up at 6:30 instead of my usual 6 am. So everything was delayed by half an hour. Raced to shower and get dressed then saw that the time was 7:15, so I just asked my grandfather to give me a ride.

I'm still tired.

On top of the Empire State Building on Valentine's...

I met the woman of my dreams.

Literally.

I was nervous as hell this morning when I woke up at 4:30 am.

Yup, 4:30 am.

I had a long trip ahead of me, for a meeting that would be brief, but I didn't care. Even 5 minutes with her would have been a joyous eternity.

With all the bus trips and train trips the trip to her hometown took 4 hours. But once I was well underway, my nerves started to calm down.

Once I arrived in her hometown, I decided that the first thing I should do was figure out where the hell I was in relation to her, location-wise. I bought a map. I know, I know, very touristy thing to do, but heck I was a tourist! Once I had the map I found out that I was pretty damned far-away from her, so I started walking. It's a good thing I got there early!

After about an hour of walking I finally caught a cab (I hadn't up until this point because I was looking for a convenience store that carried the specific brand of gum she asked me to buy her). I also bought her a single rose. It's her favourite flower, and I really wanted to buy it for her.

I gave the cabbie the address, and off we went.

Lucky me, I gave him the wrong address. But as luck would have it, I was only off by half a block, and I saw the correct place to go.

So once I got there I sat and waited.

I was starting to get nervous again, mostly because I started doubting that I was in the right place. So every 5 minutes I'd get up, check the address and then sit back down again. Add to this that when I first sat down I fell on my ass and almost had the whole bench fall on me, and you can imagine how uptight I was. Either way, I wanted to be sitting there when she came out, but just my goddamned fucking luck, the minute that she came out, I was checking the address, so she almost left and didn't see me!

But I ran back and knocked on the window of her door. I think she was surprised to see me.

The hug I gave her felt soooooooooo good. And she's sooooooo beautiful I could barely breathe.

She asked me to get into her car and we went off to have a quick lunch.

We were kind of indecisive, mostly because we were both nervous. And I just couldn't keep my eyes off of her. She's so incredibly beautiful.

We went to Subway and ordered a couple of wraps, and then went back to the car. I just sat there and looked at her, wasn't even thinking of eating.

Her nerves started really showing through when she started rifling through her wallet, trying to avoid looking at me.

I couldn't help it, I kissed her, and I was hers. There was no more fighting it (at least not for me), no more doubts, no more fears.

She tastes like sweet canteloupe. What an amazing woman!

We talked for a bit, I kissed her again. We talked some more, I held her hand. We talked a little more, and then I kissed her again. She had to go back to work.

We drove back to work, and I hugged her goodbye. I wanted to spend more time with her, but we all have responsibilities. (I shirked mine today by taking the day off, but it was my first day off since I started working, so I think I deserved it)

And then I made my way back to the bus station and came back home. The trip home was uneventful.

But I couldn't stop smiling, I still can't.

Multi-coloured winged insects covered in stomach acids.....

Well, as promised I have returned.

It was shaping up to be a bleak weekend when I woke up on Saturday morning. I had to work 10 am to 10 pm (a nice change from my 10 pm Saturday to 10 am Sunday shift). And I knew I would be bored out of my mind.

I woke up too damned early that morning, at about 6:30 am. Do I know why? Not a fucking clue! So there I am bored out of my skull and it's only 7 am.

The day was not starting out well.

My grandfather drove me in to work (Definitely one benifit in living with him) and I settled in for my nice long shift. I had taken movies to watch, books to read, and was planning on doing a lot of blog-surfing.

I decided to go into the Flirt website, and see what people were talking about in there.It actually turned out to be an amusing conversation with multiple people. Sort of like an orgy of words.

Finally, the day started brightening up. My special friend came online. She was at work, and as bored as I was, but lucky her she had work to keep her busy. All I could do was stare at the phone for an inordinately obscene amount of time and wait for it to ring.

We exchanged brief words throughout the day. Mostly witty banter, making each other laugh as usual.

At the same time I was carrying on 2 conversations in Flirt, and 2 other MSN conversations. On MSN, 1 with Gabe's girlfriend (it's kind of odd to chat with her, especially considering what happened, but she has a quick wit and is a pleasure to chat with) and another with this very interesting Argentine woman. Both pleasureable conversations, but the person I really wanted to talk to was my special friend.

The day went by slowly, but surely. I did absolutely nothing all day except chat and surf. To be honest there was work to be done, but I forgot about doing it. After a while, our online chat ended as she was finished work and had to go home.

In the early evening, my friend came back online, and somehow I gathered the nerve to ask her to call me. We ended up talking for about 40 minutes. I so enjoy talking to her. It's comfortable, and reassuring.

I felt that it had been a good work day.

Now we arrive at Sunday. A day which I never thought would come. Not that Sunday doesn't come every week, because as far as I know it does, unless everyone's playing a really bad joke on me and the week is only 6 days long, and haven't told me about it. That's just cruel. Please stop?

We now return you to our regularly scheduled program.

Well Sunday. What can I say? You all know the story. Boy meets girl, boy likes girl, boy chats with girl, boy chats with girl some more, and more and more. That's about how it was, and I was sure it would always be like that. But at one point my friend, came online not to chat but because she needed to vent.

She was having some problems, of which there is no need for me to get into here, and she needed to vent a bit. She wasn't looking for help, but I decided to offer my assistance. Obviously she rejected my assistance, at first. I was insistent. And finally she accepted.

I felt such joy that I will be able to help her. And I could tell that she was relieved.

The turning point came not long after.

She came back online, and we started chatting again. We were just kidding around, and at one point I made a joking comment about trying to pick up one of my neighbours (I really don't know any of my neighbours, but it was a funny thing to say).

And she said "You're not allowed to pick anyone up"

Obviously I asked her why, and she responded "because you're mine"

WTF??????????????

huh?

what?

She finally told me, after some prodding, and a little bit of kidding, that she came to a realization during our conversation. What realization you may ask?

She got butterflies. That's it. She got butterflies in her tummy, and she finally realized she's in love with me, and wants to be with me. Obviously her situation is a blockade to this, but I have faith.

She's in love with me, and I'm in love with her.

She's opened her heart to me.

And I'm going to see her on Wednesday.

I just love those butterflies.

A Dictionary and a Thesaurus just won't do!

I have no words.

There is no way to describe what's happened.

I'm flabbergasted, overjoyed, exalted, and none of those descriptions is enough.

What can I say to describe what I'm feeling?

I'm floating.

I'll write more, I promise. I just have to find my words again.

Looking into the sun hurts, but what a beautiful sight!

I'm in love, no doubt about it. I can't deny it to anyone anymore, not even myself.

Every single time I hear her voice it sounds like angels are singing. She has finally opened up a little to me without evasive subtext. Not much, but a little. I think she was inspired by a previous post ;)

How can one summarize a life of supposed happiness, and not truly know what it was to be happy. That one person could so easily make you happier than you ever have been without actually doing anything.

I'm in love with a beautiful woman, who has no inkling of how beautiful she is. I'm in love with a beautiful soul which hides itself from the world. I'm in love with beautiful eyes that make the brightest stars seem dull. I'm in love with the sweetest laughter, that sounds as if it were a choir singing the praises of God.

Might I be in love?

Hidden meanings??

I was reminded of the Mel Gibson movie What Women Want today.

If we all had the power to read women's minds, would we really know what they want? I've had so many situations in the past few months (normally with one woman) where what she says, what she thinks and what she actually means or wants are all different things!

It's extremely confuzzling.

I've been kidding the last couple of hours with a friend about this, calling it evasive subtext. I know, I know, not the most inventive of phrases, but I make do.

This evasive subtext pervades a lot of our conversations (at least I think it does, and there lie all my doubts), but how are men actually supposed to understand women's true desires when they're always so difficult to actually know. And I don't necessarily mean sexual desires, but those are included. I speak of emotions, hopes, dreams, little hopes too.

How can a man truly know if a song a woman sends him is meant to convey some deeper meaning, or it's just a cool song she heard? How can a man know if a certain giggle at a certain time, means that she truly considers him more than a friend, or she's amused at the idea?

How can a man truly know if a woman truly desires a man, if at the time he straight out asks her she evades the question and then sends him romantic songs, says confuzzling things to him and leaves him with more doubts?

To all you men out there, I say this: I don't know the answer. I truly thought that by asking directly, being straightforward and honest, one could get straight answers, apparently this is not so.

I invite all women out there to comment, give opinions and hopefully tell us, what do we have to do to get a straight answer out of you?

The fool that I am

I'm an idiot.

I'm an asshole.

I thought I was doing the right thing, and I was wrong.

I'm sorry.

Cleanliness?

So, I've been back at my uncle's place for almost a week.

OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It seems that my uncle and my grandfather have never heard of a mop, or a broom or a fucking vacuum cleaner!!!!!

Since my grandmother has left, these two men have to basically fend for themselves, and neither one of them likes to clean!

I thought this would change after a day or two, maybe they were tired. But no, the plates just kept on piling up, the floors were nasty, and the clothes in the hamper were screaming bloody torture.

Now many of you may be wondering, why I just didn't dive in and clean everything. Well, I do have to admit I was tired. I've been working constantly, and on the weekends I've been doing fairly long and tiring night shifts. So I was pretty much burnt out.

But, by yesterday, the house had gotten to a point where not even the rotting corpse of a defecated on sewer rat would live there, I got pissed off and had it out with my uncle and my grandfather.

I told them, "Look we're all living here so we're all gonna have to clean up. I'll do it this one time alone, because it's obvious you two won't, but this is gonna change and cleaning will be done." I cleaned the house up, took me until 1 am, but it got done.

I know we're all tired, but damn! It was nasty in there. I work, my uncle works, and my grandpa stays at home cooking and watching TV, so we're all going to pitch in.

I soooo hate pig stys. Maybe I was trained too well by the women in my life, or maybe I just like cleanliness. Either way, I'm not gonna be living in one.

An uneven scale and a conundrum

I've been torturing myself for the past few days.

A few days ago I decided that I would go see a friend of mine in person. I haven't told anyone of this decision, not even her (although I know she'll read this post). I'm trying to convince myself not to go, and it's a losing battle.

So in all fairness, I've decided that I will post the pros and cons of going to see her.

Pros

#1 I really, really want to

#2 She makes me happier than I have ever been

#3 She cares for me and wants to see me

#4 There is no doubt in my mind that I'm in love with her


Cons

#1 She lives 2 hours away by car

#2 She has commitments

#3 I don't have a car so I'd have to take a bus (I don't mind this, but I'm honour bound to put it down)

#4 ?????????????????


That's it. Now, to all you out there. What do I do?

Plentiful Lives???

Do any of us remember how we used to survive without computers?????

I know that some of us are old enough to remember a time when there wasn't a PC in every home, when internet access was a non-existent phrase.

How about TV's? How did we ever survive without TV's????????? I mean, I always had a TV in my home, when I was a kid growing up we had at least 2 or 3. But I was chatting with my papa on MSN and he actually mentioned how he didn't even watch a TV show until he was 17.

WTF???????????????????????

Ok, granted, my papa grew up on a farm in South America. They were actually one of the poor families, but just knowing that boggles the mind!

I get up every morning at 5:50 am, so I can have my morning shower, have a cold glass of juice for breakfast, and then I'm on the computer. I check my e-mail, chat with my papa, read news articles, read blogs, chat with friends, download music, and other things. All on the blessed computer.

I haven't looked at a newspaper in over a year, I barely watch TV anymore, I use the phone, but that's only to talk with my son and 1 specific friend (who I chat with as well), and I don't even think of buying CD's anymore.

There have been a couple of times since I returned to Canada that I have had to go without a computer, and at those times I've actually been reduced to twiddling my thumbs! ME!! Twiddling my thumbs!

I tried watching TV, tried reading books, hell, I even tried listening to the radio, but I got bored of those things minutes after I started!

And I'm not alone in this, I know of dozens, if not hundreds, of others who live their lives around the All-Mighty PC. I'm not talking about people who need them for work, but just people who surf, read, and have fun on computers.

Believe me, if computers were to suddenly disappear from the general populous, there would be mayhem. Riots in the streets. Public executions. Martial law would ensue. Insanity would be the rule of the world.

Or at least that's how I'd feel.

:)

I dream in colour

I had this amazingly vivid dream last night.

I can actually remember every single step that I took in this dream, and that's kind of disturbing considering that at one point I had a conversation about genetics with a siamese cat.

Either way, the most important part of the dream came about halfway through. I had taken a Go Bus from home to another city. I'm not going to go into details of names or locations, because that would begin to compromise some other people's privacy. Suffice to say that I found myself in the city where a certain someone lives.

I honestly had no idea what I was doing there, I hadn't planned on going there, but there I was. So for some reason I started walking around and I went to buy CD's, clothes and cat food (the genetic conversation made the cat hungry).

All of a sudden I bumped into someone. I really didn't expect to see her there, even though I was in her city. In my dream she's taller than I am. In real life this is not so, she's actually a tiny bit shorter than I am, but she wasn't as beautiful in my dream as she is in reality. Even so, all of a sudden I found myself short of breath, trying to find the right words to say.

I'm fairly literate, and my spelling is better than most. Luckily when I'm on the computer I'm also fairly quick-witted, humourous and I usually know what to say at the right time. In face to face situations this isn't so. I get quiet, I get shy, I stumble over my words, I embarass the hell out of myself.

Even though my dream wasn't a real situation, and has not happened, and I actually did realize that it was a dream (the whole cat thing gave it away) I was stumbling through my words. The amazing thing was that she didn't care. In my dream she saw the same person I can be, the person that I really am, the person who types to her, not the bumbling Jack Tripper imitating fool.

In that, I know my dream is exactly like reality. I see her soul, and her soul is a beautiful, caring, loving thing.

And I'd like to think she sees mine.

Oh boy!

I saw this on Sandra's and Firefly's blogs.

I figured I might as well take the quiz, but I really don't know what to say to the result......I have no words whatsoever.

I'm sure you'll all have your own opinions.

Please be gentle :)

You scored as Sex God. You are a master at sex. You make your partner weak in the knees, and you know it. You've had the practice, and you've read the books, but don't get too cocky (pun intended) or you'll get put into place. Sex God 93% A Slave To BDSM 78% A Romantic 53% Virgin 23% How are you in bed created with QuizFarm.com

The Party's over

I had a day off of work yesterday.

Took the day to get stuff ready to send to my son in Uruguay, since my Grandma was going back. So I went to give her my son's gifts and say goodbye to her.

All of a sudden Gabe shows up at my Uncle's place. Obviously he went there to say goodbye to my grandma, but he had some bad news for me.

"Sorry bud, but I have to serve you your eviction notice"

WTF???????????????????????????

Apparently, because of his injury to his leg a few weeks ago, he's going on medical leave and will only be receiving like 2/3 of his pay. He says that because of this, he's going to go back to the system he had before: his mom buying the food for the house, no more internet connection, so he won't have to pay anything. Therefore I get the boot because he doesn't want to pay for food purchases, or internet usage, which we were sharing.

He then said "That way I'll have some money for partying too"

WTF???????????????????????????

That kinda pissed me off, but I said "Ok".

He actually hadn't paid for anything yet. The last two times we had gone food shopping, I had paid. And we had the internet connection for less than a month.

Personally it seemed that he wanted to be coddled by his mom again, instead of having to cook for himself, which we had been alternating days since I had gotten there.

So, tonight I'm packing my shit and going back to the insane asylum of my Uncle's place. My grandmother isn't there, so at the very least I won't have to deal with her insanity, but I will have to put up with the weird 70s and hermaphrodite porn that my uncle so loves.

Oh boy.

My son loves me

I talked to Frankie tonight.

I had actually gotten the opportunity to talk to him on Saturday, just before I went to work, but tonight was great.

I spent about an hour and a half talking to him, just laughing together. He told me about his school friends, his girlfriend Maite (he's down to one, maybe he's looking to settle in his old age LOL), and he told me about a hundred times that he misses me and that he loves me.

He's such a great boy, understands and speaks both English and Spanish, and according to my dad, understands Italian too, but I think dad may just be a gloating and exaggerating grandpa.

I'm gonna talk to him on the weekend again.

How well do you guys and gals know me?

I have decided to follow Venessa's lead and post a quiz for all my loyal readers to try.

I made a Quiz for you! Take my Quiz! and then Check out the Scoreboard!

Good luck all!

Men get aroused, and I'm a man, therefore..........

I found out a friend of mine has this interesting talent.

She can write erotica!

Needless to say I was surprised at this, and as is typical for a male, mildly aroused.

The big surprise came when I actually read the story, or part of the story she wrote. It was quite explicit at times, and at all times extremely hot.

Now, what might have been my reaction to, not only this surprising revelation, but reading the actual piece of art? If you're a guy, you know very well what my reaction was. If you're a woman, you know very well what my reaction was.

I was flabbergasted, and very turned on by this story. I realize as I write this, that this is actually quite an embarassing and explicit thing to admit over the internet, but then again, I started this blog to let the world know what was going on with me.

When I told my friend about my reactions, she laughed, of course, but you could tell that she was pleased that a simple story of hers could arouse me.

The story is fairly well written. It flip-flops from 1st person perspective to 3rd and then back. There are some grammatical errors, and some spelling mistakes, but on the whole it's a very solid piece, for a beginner.

Now, to be honest, I've read quite a bit of erotica (I think I posted a similar comment before, but it's worth reiterating) so I, as well as any other guy, can tell what can get us horny. Most erotica out there generally go for the "fuck me now you hot thing, shove it deep now!" kind of story. Although my friend's story does have that kind of moment, there is a very sensual build up to those moments, and they have a distinct realistic feel about them.

I highly recommend her story, and any other to follow, go check it out!

The Conference

Maybe a big ass night out is what i need

I was almost invited out tonight.

Now, many of you may be asking "How can someone almost be invited out? You are invited or you aren't" right? wrong.

Up until tonight I would have agreed with each and every one of you, but tonight I was almost invited out.

I was chatting with someone on cam tonight and throughout the conversation I was constantly complimenting her on her looks. Now I know you, my blog friends, haven't seen her, but this woman is a vision of beauty. She makes me think of the sheer beauty of a park in winter after the first snowfall. You just stare in awe at her.

At one point she told me that she will be going out with a few friends tomorrow night for some drinks.

And then she asked me what I was going to be doing tomorrow. When I responded that I would be working, she asked me what time I get off work. My damned luck has it that tomorrow I have to stay a couple of hours later, to help a friend.

It was an implied invitation, but one I couldn't accept, to my dismay. I honestly want to go be with her, talk to her, have a drink with her, stare into her eyes all night. But just my luck I decided to do a friend a favour.

Have I lost my chance, did I miss the crucial opportunity? God I hope not.

For those of you who read my blog with any sort of frequency (and who the hell knows why you do since I don't really have anything interesting to say, just a hell of a lot of ramblings) may have noticed that my emotional situation is like a yo-yo, especially with a certain someone.

The main reason I keep at it is simple. I have to. Ka, fate, destiny has shown me who I am meant to be with, and if it weren't for certain situations, I'm sure that we would already be together (wishful thinking? definitely, but I hold out hope). But I can't just turn around. I have to continue to show her how I feel. If she ever tells me "Stop, go away" I will. I have no desire to disrespect her wishes.

I know we can be happy.

Women!

What is it about women that drives us men insane???

Sex? Love? Desire? Tits? Asses?

I don't have the answer. I'm just as mystified as any other man out there. And any man who says he has the answer, is either clinically insane, or lying, or both.

Yes, we do want sex. Yes, in some cases, we do want love. We do desire women (at least some guys do).

Physicality? Definitely, but it's not the end all and be all. Women's physical attributes are definitely something wonderful, but their emotional attributes, personality traits, that's what make women truly desireable.

There is one woman who drives me nuts. She makes me feel crazy, she makes me laugh, she makes me cry, she hurts me, she makes me feel good about myself. She does all these things and so much more. But I still don't get it.

I know what I want. She may think I want somethinge else, but strangely enough, sex is secondary, or even tertiary in my desires.

I enjoy our conversations, even when they're about nothing. I want to talk to her constantly, but sometimes she doesn't want to or straight out can't.

She sometimes ignores me, and backs off almost completely, this confuses me to no end, but I also understand it completely. She's scared and I know this. She's my friend, and I know this. I would like more, I do admit that completely, and even if I haven't told her that recently, she knows it.

She tells me the most beautiful things about herself. She thinks that these things are embarrassing or dumb, but I see how these things have shaped the woman she is.

At times I foolishly think that there is more to her words. I see possibilities where I know there can be none. I see emotional attachment, where I know there to be none. Her words, her laughter, her hesitations, her "hmmm's" they speak volumes to me, but these volumes mean either nothing or everything.

What do I understand? Absolutely nothing. I can't. It's impossible to truly know the heart of another. I can only know what she tells me. I can rely only on that, and on my hunches.

At the end of the day, I'm still a confused, scared, embarrassed guy, standing near the wall at a dance, hoping some girl will see him and say "Hi, wanna dance?"

Aren't we all?

What memories!

I received an email from an old friend. I haven't spoken to her in maybe 15 years.

We went to elementary school together, and were in high school together for a year. At the time, PJ and I were pretty good friends. I was always good friends with the good looking girls I knew. It's my curse.

Well, hearing from her got me remembering my elementary school years, which I remember quite vividly, surprisingly enough.

I remember one event that will always stand out, and PJ was there to witness it.

I was maybe 12 or 13 at the time, it was winter, and it was cold. Really, really fucking cold. I was waiting at the bus stop with my friends, and I was all decked out in "mom dressed me" winter wear, thick jacket, cap, gloves, and scarf. That damned scarf.

Well, I had been kinda flirting/annoying this girl, who was supposedly the school slut. Never had any proof that she was, but when you're 13 you listen to the rumours, you don't wonder if they're true or not. This girl, Lisa, was a year older than me, and knew very well that I was hot for her (at that age, all guys are hot for any girl, but we don't have a fucking clue what to do, so all we can imagine are furtive touches and maybe a glimpse of a tit or something).

So knowing this, she teased me alot. And when you're in elementary school, the teasing consists of a lot of play violence. That dreaded morning, she came up behind me and grabbed my scarf, and pulled it tight around my neck.

I freaked. I really don't remember what I thought had happened, but the next thing I knew I was twirling around with my hand wide open, and I hit her cheek.

Thankfully her cheek was fine, but her nose exploded. Literally.

I don't know what the fuck happened, but it was blood everywhere. I seriously wigged out. And obviously Lisa was screaming.

She ran home, to get her mom and step-dad, and I got on the bus and went to school, all the while mumbling to myself, "Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit".

When I got off the bus that afternoon, PJ was with me. We were talking and walking back to our respective houses. When we were passing Lisa's house, her step-dad came out.

Oh boy, was he pissed. I started apologizing immediately, trying to make up for what I had done. He would have none of it, so he started yelling at me right there in the street. It's a little daunting for a 13 year old to have an adult call him a "pathetic little mother fucker asshole who will never do anything worthwile in his life".

I just stared at him. I really didn't care what he was saying, so I stared at him. All I cared was that I had hurt Lisa, and I didn't like the idea of hurting anyone.

When he finished yelling he said something to the effect of "Do you get me you little cheap ass cock sucker?"

I looked at him and said (and this may have been the most insane thing I've ever done) "Stay away from me you shit licking asshole. I know what you do to Lisa, and if you ever come near me again, I'll go to the cops."

I turned around and went home.

The next day at school, PJ had told a few people, since she watched the whole scene. And since rumours travel faster than the Concorde used to, by the end of the week, not only had I stood up to a supposed pedophile, I had also beat the shit out of him, and laughed while doing it.

I could never get anyone to believe the true story, but all of a sudden I had a rep at school. Stopped getting bullied, stopped being picked on in general.

And PJ? Well, she became famous just for being my friend.

So to you PJ, thanks for being my friend back then. And thanks for making me badder than Rambo!

The owner of the company is a moron, but I watched movies.

I had to work this weekend.

Originally I was supposed to work Saturday morning at 10 am until Sunday morning 10 am. So when I get here on Saturday morning, am I surprised to discover that someone else has also been given that shift? OF COURSE NOT!!! Because the owner of the company is a moron!

He actually double booked a shift and then forgot to tell me, so there I am, after my grandpa had taken time out to take me to work, and I get to go home again. Not that I mind going home, but I do mind that they made me waste my time.

So I had to go back in that Saturday night. Actually didn't fall asleep, which is a good thing. But I've really, truly noticed how boring the internet is, when you don't have anyone to chat with. I miss my friend quite a bit, moreso than even she understands, and there was noone else to chat with at 4 in the morning. And after a while, you've visited all the sites you normally visit, and porn is boring (after getting inundated with it, believe me, it loses its luster). So I ended up watching movies.

Meet the Fockers was a cute movie, but not as good as the original Meet the Parents.

The Island was a very enjoyable movie, but I knew how it would turn out after 5 minutes into it. And that's kind of annoying.

Seed of Chucky is a foolish and useless movie, but I actually enjoyed it. It was campy, and dumb, but good for a chuckle with all of it's foolish moments. Watching Jennifer Tilly being inseminated with a Turkey baster was definitely one of the high points of my year. LOL

So, watch movies, enjoy life, and get some sleep. That's my motto for work.

Musings on a boring life?

Well, I was accused tonight of my last post being boring. Unfortunately, that comes with the territory of Life. But, to appease my friends desires (double entendre definitely intended), I will post about something that may be considered mildly interesting.

One of my many jobs as a technical support agent, is to give assistance to people installing Retractable Screen Doors which Home Depot is selling.

Yes, everyone, I'm one of those annoying people on the 1-800 numbers LOL!

So after a few months of giving technical support for these retractable screen doors, my colleague Steve and I have decided to start up a small business.

Since these retractable screens are currently only sold here in Canada, Steve and I will be selling them in the U.S. through Ebay. Together, Steve and I, are setting up a Webpage, where we will be selling these wonderful items.

I actually like this Screen door thing. It's useful, fairly inexpensive (especially when compared to other models) and it's damned easy to install.

Now, at work, there are some people who are mildly jealous of our business venture. So these people (actually only one insane woman) every now and then sends a harsh word towards us. This is kind of annoying, especially since she's the hell spawn who caused problems for me a few weeks ago.

Steve and I are pretty much set to make a shitload of money this way, so her foolish mumblings and comments just make me titter.

I actually do believe that that was the first time I've ever used the word titter in a sentence.

Not as eventful as other posts, but definitely not as boring as the last.

Insanity is mine, and mine alone

Well, I told Gabe.

I actually told him Wednesday night, after a good friend recommended that I tell him.

He was more amused than annoyed, thank God.

He actually asked me if I had slept with her, and when I told him no, he laughed and said, "Ok, it's a case of mistaken identity, no problem. So long as it doesn't happen again"

I was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo relieved.

Thank you to my friend for giving me such good advice.

I have to blog about this...

I've been struggling the past couple of days whether or not to blog about what happened to me on Sunday. I have been reluctant to do so, on the off chance that somebody I truly know will see this, but then again, I don't really care, so here goes.

I told a good friend about this, and telling her has given me the courage to do so here.

I got an accidental bj on Sunday.

I know, I know. My friend had the same reaction. "ACCIDENTAL?????"

Here's the thing, as everyone now knows, I'm living with Gabe. Gabe's been dating this Cuban girl. Very nice looking girl, honestly. Not my type, but the type of most every other red-blooded male on the planet.

Well, on Sunday, after having worked a seriously killer shift (and probably highly illegal), I got home and decided to crash on Gabe's bed. As is my custom, I end up covering myself completely, including my head.

Now comes the interesting part. I started to have this dream that I was in this incredibly romantic situation with Teri Hatcher (she's always been a fantasy of mine, plus I love how she acts), when I notice that it isn't completely a dream. I open my eyes, and all I see is darkness, and I remembered that my head was probably covered, so I moved the covers, and there I see Gabe's girlfriend's head bobbing up and down.

HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!

I almost jumped, but the inevitable thing happened, especially after 7 months of not even being near a woman sexually.

She looked up, and you could see the sheer terror on her face. She started mumbling that she thought I was Gabe. Apparently Gabe and I are very similar physically, except she did say that I was a bit bigger :)

Well, she begged me not to tell Gabe, and believe me I wasn't in the mood to tell him. I just hope she doesn't blurt it out to him.

So, after 7 months of unwanted celibacy I finally got something, not necessarily what I was expecting, and definitely not with someone I was hoping for.

Now, let's see how this whole insanity turns out.

Strange but true.....

I got this in an email from my dad a while back. I was just perusing through my emails, seeing which ones I could delete, and I saw this one and figured it would be something interesting to post.

Similarities between Kennedy and Lincoln

The names Lincoln and Kennedy each contain seven letters.

Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846. John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.

Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860. John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.

Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy. Kennedy's secretary was named Lincoln.

Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.

Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.

Both Presidents were shot in the head.

Both Presidents were shot by southerners.

John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839. Lee Harvey Oswald, who
assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.

Both assassins were known by their three names.

Both names are comprised of fifteen letters.

Lincoln was shot at the theatre named "Kennedy".

Kennedy was shot in a car called "Lincoln".

Booth ran from the theatre and was caught in a warehouse. Oswald ran from a warehouse and was caught in a theatre.

Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.

Both successors were named Johnson.

Both successors were southerners.

Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808. Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.

And... A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland. A week before Kennedy was shot, he was in Marilyn Monroe.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Now, I know the last bit is just plain funny, but the rest of it is kinda freaky.

Makes you wonder.

Blank State of Mind...

I don't know what to write about today...

I've been stuck thinking about what to blog for the past few days, and I honestly can't think of anything. I mean, there are things I could blog about, but how interesting would they be??

I could blog about broken hearts which never seem to mend, or I could blog about my long, and amazingly boring weekend at work, but of what interest would that be to you, my faithful readers?

So, as I inevitably do ever since I learned about Blogs, I surf through other people's blogs, and read about what's happening in their lives.


Sandra's blog is a wonderfully entertaining blog, and very honest in it's observations and insights. And just for the record, I'd like to state that I think Underhill is a serious dipwad who should be castrated with a rusty fork.

Firefly's blog shows us the wonder and beauty of tulips, life, and truly insightful polls. It's always a sincere pleasure to read what she writes, and I do visit every day, but I don't comment as much as I should.

Hester gives us a very in depth point of view into a world that, although obviously exists, not many recognize it. Adultery being the theme of countless porn movies and erotic literature, obviously is an arousing subject, but Hester shows us that although it is erotic, there is a large part of the theme that is barely considered, logistics. So kudos to you Hester for giving us the realism as well as the eroticism.

Venessa's blog is amazingly delightful and courageous. She has let all of her readers travel with her on her journey through Plastic Surgery, even letting us see her before and after photos (Personally, after having read all of her blog in one day, I don't think she needed it, but I do applaud her courage and strength of will to make that choice). I have no doubt that any man, and maybe women too, would fall for this funny and intelligent woman who writes such eloquent words about Life, the Universe and Everything.

RPD and Funkbh's blog about nothing (extremely Seinfeldesque in nature) delights us with their interesting insights. Unfortuanately my good friend RPD has been without 'net connection for a bit now, but hopefully will be back with us, telling us how to best Eat the goat.

Russ & Mike give us amazing insights into being a Law student, and shows us the dichotomy of wanting to be one, and not knowing why the hell you decided to study law in the first place.

'Lita's blog shows us the insane and wonderful ramblings of a woman who enjoys life to the max. Lately she hasn't posted too often, but whenever she does post be prepared to laugh so hard your head hurts, and the good kinda hurt. You'll absolutely love seeing into the life of this interesting woman and hearing her stories about her roomates, her nights out, her kittens, and her interesting job changes.

Adria gives us her wonderfully powerful points of view socially, politically and musically. I don't necessarily agree with all of her points of view, but I do respect her and her viewpoints immensely.

So, as I inevitably do ever since I found blogging, I surf through blogs, reading other people's comments, other people's lives, other people's dreams and wishes. I find the same thing over and over again: we are all looking for answers. We are all looking for meaning. We are all hoping beyond all hope that someone, anyone, will read about us and empathize. We don't want answers, we just want everyone to listen. And each one of us, all these people I've mentioned, and uncounted thousands more, do have something important to say.

We are here.

I say to you my fellow blog community members and friends: the people who read your entries are wonderfully enriched. Thank you for that.

One of a few?

I hate being the "nice guy"

The guy all women want as their friend & confidante.

Just once, just once, I wanna be the guy that girls really go for. You know the kind of guy I mean. The one who's full of himself, harshly good looking and self-confidant.

That's the kind of guy women want to be with apparently. Not me.

I'm forever destined to "be a friend".

I'm forever destined to "understand".

I'm forever destined to "step aside".

For a few moments, I saw the sun shine through the clouds on a rainy day. That brief glimpse of sunshine gave me hope and joy, but, as is inevitable on a rainy day, the clouds overcast the sun once again.

Crap.

Feels like I'm sucking on a lemon

I hate getting depressed.

Fuckin' sucks.

Can't even think of what to blog.

Maybe I'll feel more in the mood tomorrow. Don't know.

My intelligence?

Saw this on Adria's blog, thought I'd give it a go.

Your IQ Is 110

Your Logical Intelligence is Average Your Verbal Intelligence is Genius Your Mathematical Intelligence is Genius Your General Knowledge is Average

A Quick and Dirty IQ Test

I always thought I was a hell of a lot smarter, oh well, guess my family was wrong ;)

I will fly in the face of adversity.....hopefully

So, I wasn't able to go see my special someone.

A whole jumble of things worked together to finally not allow me to go see her, or her me for that matter. She knows I really want to see her again, I told her as much on the phone just a little while ago, but sometimes Life works against you.

I have come to believe that it is at these times that one has to spit in Life's eye and yell "I'll do whatever the hell I want!". We don't get our desires handed to us on a silver platter, we have to go grab them ourselves, so I tell her now (since I know she'll read this) I want to see you again, be with you, talk to you, stare into your eyes and lose myself for as long as you'll allow me. No more fear, no more doubts, no more hesitation, at least by me.

But I will wait for you if you want me to, for as long as you want me to.

What an amazing blog!

As is my wont, while I'm at work, and bored shitless, I start surfing through blogs.

I found this amazing blog, that I highly recommend to anyone who wants to laugh, smile, and who likes decisive points of view.

It's called DiaBlog

Very interesting and insightful woman who is from my birth city of Toronto, but is currently in Hamilton.

Seriously! Check it out, 'cause you'll want to read all about her very interesting musical choices, her amazing political and social points of view and her adventures in life, as well as her interesting like of Buffy the Vampire Slayer (which by the way Adria, I totally understand the David Boreanaz thing, although for me it was always more Sarah Michelle Gellar).

No WONDER!!!!!!!

I finally figured out why I've been so depressed the past few days.

A friend of mine, who's in Uruguay now, came online last night, and wished me a Happy Father's Day.

This may sound odd, but in Uruguay, yesterday was Father's day.

It hit me like a ton of bricks, and I thought to myself "No fucking wonder!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Of course I had been feeling depressed, my ex-wife says I'm neglecting my son and then threatens to take him from me permanently, and the nagging thought that Father's day was coming...........anyone would have been depressed out of their fucking minds!

The realization helps, but the fact that my friend Bettiana (coincidentally the same name as my sister) and my special someone were the only ones that thought to say anything, well...it kinda hurts that they were the only ones to remember, I mean not even my family! At the very least I would have liked to have received an email. But nothing.

Sooooooooooooooooo. I worked this Saturday again. I was soooo bored, but I started watching episodes of Everybody Loves Raymond and I got to laughing so hard that I forgot my boredom. If anyone hasn't watched the show (The last episode aired a bit ago, but it was on for 9 seasons) I highly recommend it. It has moments of wonderful hilarity, as well as extremely emotive moments. I got caught up in one of those moments, and tears were literally streaming down my face on Saturday. Most likely backlash from being depressed, but still, the show made me feel.

And then comes my special someone, that one person in this whole huge country who actually makes me happy, the person who means the most to me in the Northern Hemisphere. We're gonna see each other!

Barring unforseen circumstances like Tornadoes, Earthquakes, Hurricanes, etc. we're gonna meet on Tuesday. Yes, I know, I know. Hurricanes and Tornadoes have been popping up all over the place (My prayers and thoughts are with all the people suffering the effects of these unfortunate natural events).

We were chatting on Saturday afternoon, in between my bouts of laughter and tears, and she asked me if I wanted to get together with her on Tuesday. Anyone who has been reading this blog would know by now that I said "Of course!"

I know what I feel for her, and I know what she feels for me, but she has to clear up some doubts and fears in her head before it can go any further, even figure out if it should go any further. So, a nice quiet evening, talking, having a coffee maybe, walking (IT BETTER BE A NICE NIGHT, NONE OF THIS RAIN CRAP!!!!) might actually be what she needs to clear up her confuzzled head.

I know I'm not confuzzled, at least, not about her.

New Computer

Gabe and I got a new computer last night. We went to pick it up at Future Shop, and what a beauty.

Spent all evening until Midnight setting it up and installing programs. The only thing that Gabe has to do is call Rogers so that we can have our High Speed Internet tonight.

I miss being online at night.

It feels like a Deathbag

Don't really know why, but I got depressed just now.

I got really blue and didn't feel like even moving. Don't even know why it happened.

As my special someone knows, one of my favourite authors is Stephen King. One of my favourite books by this author is Insomnia. Within this book the main character and the author describe what it is like to walk through a deathbag. The specifics of what a deathbag is don't really matter, but the feeling of walking through one are exactly what I feel right now. It feels like falling down an emotional well, and finding all of your sadness piled up at the bottom, without being able to find a way to climb out.

It sucks.

I wish I could talk to someone about this. At least I have this blog.

Wanting to rip my hair out!

God! Was I ever bored last night!

I've become addicted to the internet!

I got home yesterday evening and there was nothing to do at home. Gabe and I don't have a PC yet, but we're gonna get one this week. Hopefully before the end of the week. Since we don't have a PC, I was stuck watching TV all evening, and damn, was it ever boring!

I used to be a TV freak, I'd watch all the shows, keep up with them, and even obsess over the characters, but now, I miss being able to go online and chat with my special someone. I also can't download movies or songs or even TV shows like I used to. Just before I moved I had downloaded a bunch of old episodes of old TV shows, like The Greatest American Hero and Quantum Leap. Even the shows I watch now, I'd download them, instead of watching them on TV, since it meant that I could watch them whenever I wanted to.

I'd also download a shitload of movies, so that I could watch them at home instead of paying the movie theater price. If I liked the movie alot, then I'd go to the movies, but if not, I didn't have to spend the money on the theater ticket.

So I watched Jeopardy, Friends, and a couple of movies.

I really would have preferred talking or chatting with my significant other. But I guess I'll have to wait for that, and rejoice in the few minutes during the workday and her lunch hour when we can chat.

I hope this changes soon.

Frustration gives me headaches

I honestly considered packing my shit up today and leaving the fucking country.

I was pissed off at my ex, she started complaining this morning about how I was neglecting my boy and she wanted to take him away from me for good. This hurt so much I was in tears.

I did feel better at the same time because I was talking to my significant other. She makes me smile even with a hello.

But I was so distraught I sent my dad an MSN message saying, "Fuck everything, I'm packing up my stuff and leaving next week, I just want to be with Frankie".

He talked me down (he's good at that) and told me to hold off, cause I was doing a really good thing by being here, paying my bills, buying stuff for my boy. I was doing everything I wanted to do, and to top it all off I fell in love with a wonderful girl (not something I was expecting or even trying to do, but definitely a beautiful thing).

So I feel a bit better now, but my head hurts, and I'm scared to death that I won't see my boy. I did love my ex, I really did, and noone fought harder for she and I to be together than I did, but what kind of person threatens to take away your soul? I don't get it. It just gives me migraines thinking about it.

I hope I'll be able to talk with my special girl, she makes me happy, so happy.

My wonderful and not so wonderful, but painful weekend

Well here I am again, blogging when I had decided I wouldn't blog for a while.

I was all set to move on Friday, and I did (no need to worry about that), when I had a conversation with a certain someone. This certain someone takes up such a huge part of my heart that I'm surprised there's any space left for blood flow.

This talk wasn't one of the good ones, unfortunately. She was quite confused about many things, even her feelings towards me. So she decided that we shouldn't talk for a while, so she would have time to sort things out in her head.

Suffice it to say that this didn't go down very well.

I have always been a very "on the sidelines" kind of guy, but when I knew what I felt for her, I made a conscious choice to stop being that kind of guy. I decided to go for what I wanted, while at the same time respecting her wishes. So I asked her not to break off communication with me. To be honest I didn't ask her, I kind of pleaded, which is fairly embarassing. But she was of strong will, which I completely respect, and stuck to her guns. So I decided to respect her wishes. It hurt, but at the end of the day, that's all I can do.

So, I moved, went to Gabe's place, and settled in. That night we arranged with a couple of friends to go up to a cottage. Had a great time at the cottage, but I was kind of torn because it was really close to my significant other's workplace.

I soooo wanted to go see her, but she had asked me not to, so I decided to respect what she had asked of me. But I called her (I know, I know, but I am human and weak).

I talked to her for maybe five minutes, and lo and behold, she had been waiting for me. Women confuse me.

I had a good time at the cottage, but I got into a fight with one of the guys that was there. He was piss drunk and had no idea what he was saying, so I took it easy on him, but one cannot let oneself get stepped on. So I set him straight.

In no way am I a violent man, quite the contrary, I am very very peaceful, but if you get needled all the time, eventually you're gonna get tired of it. I got tired of it.

But on to nicer things. Saturday afternoon, we went to the beach to rest a bit and enjoy the wonderful weather, and we all got into a volleyball game. Oh boy! I hadn't had that much fun in months. I was actually playing pretty well, but because my level of excersise these past few months has been less than zero, so I got tired fairly quickly, but I forged on on pure adrenaline!

At one point Gabe hurt his left knee and could barely walk (his knee is now the size of a watermelon and he's gonna get it x-rayed just in case). Myself I did fairly well until yesterday. I was playing frisbee and I pulled a muscle, pretty badly. I figure I strained myself playing volleyball and it caught up to me later. So now I'm limping.

It hurts like hell!

Oh, well, at least I had a fairly good time. I got pretty drunk on Woody's Ice (Raspberry and Orange). But I do miss that special someone.

I really really do.

Moving Day!

Well, today's the day!

Gabe's coming to pick me up this afternoon after work, and I'm moving to his place.

Had the big talk with my grandmother last night and told her that I would be moving today. It actually went better than I thought it would. At first she was a little annoyed, but then she understood. I was going nuts in that house. It's hard enough living with my grandparents and all their little foibles, they're over 70, it's understandable, but add my uncle's on to that, and the fact that he lost his job so he's there 24/7, and you can understand how insane I was going.

So I packed my suitcases last night. It was kinda odd. When I moved in with my uncle, I had the same three suitcases, and everything fit fine, but last night I filled all three suitcases up and still had stuff left over. WTF is up with that?????? Either way, I finished packing my stuff, and I noticed how somber everyone was in the house. Maybe they'll miss me? Not really sure.

But I was feeling pretty good.

And to make things better, I spoke with that special someone last night :)

She had gone out for drinks and was a tiny tiny bit hammered when she got home, but she asked me to call her, so of course being the love-sick puppy that I am, I did. Oh boy the telephone bill's gonna be a doozy! But I don't care.

I enjoy talking to her soooo much. No matter how I feel in the day, whenever we chat or talk on the phone, I feel hundreds of times happier.

She was really tired, but still took the time to talk to this fruitcake. I have no doubt we'll be amazing together.

And to top it all off, it's FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It just keeps getting better and better.

It just screws with your mind

I was surfing blogs this morning, came across a really interesting one, Sunsets & Car Crashes. The author has a really interesting and realistic writing style.

But the thing that really freaked me was this pic on her blog, it just really fucks up your head in so many ways. Just so I'm not the only one that feels kinda fucked up because of this pic, I show it to you all, so you can join me in my trauma :)



EVIL!!

The one ink stain in a great day

I got really pissed off at a co-worker today.

I got a reprimand from my sector boss :(

For some reason my co-worker was pissed off at me and called me an idiot. I was annoyed at that, so I non-chalantly said "To be an idiot I'd have to have a low-level IQ, which I don't think I do".

Next thing I know, my sector boss is calling me into the lunch-room for a brief meeting saying that my co-worker had gone and complained to the Bosses of the company saying that I had said she has a low IQ.

WTF?????????????????????

I'm the one that gets insulted and she goes and complains about me? And to top it off she didn't even listen to what I said, so gets the whole thing wrong????????????

I just don't understand some people.

My sector boss is a great person, and just said to not pay any attention to my co-worker, and she's being moved to another section of the office, so she doesn't have that much contact with me, but I'm pissed off now, because I was the one reprimanded for her insult.

That is soooooo annoying!

Time flies when you're falling.....down the rabbit hole

5 and a half hours.

5 and a half hours.

5 and a half hours!!

I like history, but I don't know enough of the details of history to know for sure, but I'm sure lives have been changed, governments have shifted and a whole bunch of other things have happened in that time span.

But for me 5 and a half hours will always be an incredibly beautiful moment that I spent on the phone last night, talking with a certain someone, an amazing time that, if it were up to me, I would have extended indefinitely.

I felt as if I were in high school again, talking to that high school crush (you know the one, the one that you couldn't stop thinking about, the one you wanted to write amazingly corny and sappy poetry about). Don't get me wrong we are both quite aware of our ages, life experiences, responsibilities and limitations, but last night, oh last night, the possibilities seemed endless!

I said something to her last night, that is still ringing in my head. We were talking about romantic movies (kind of fit the situation) and I said something to the effect that the corny movie lines were the ones that stuck in our head, but it wasn't because they were corny but because they were the truest ones. And at the end of the day all the romantic movies, poems, songs and plays were all saying basically the same thing "I love you, will you love me?"

I'm just sooooo giddy today :)

I've had a total of 50 minutes of sleep, but I feel as if I could go one on one with a Mack Truck. I have never felt more alive, colours have never been brighter, even my burnt coffee tasted like sweet ambrosia this morning!

I feel as if I could smile all day, and I have been, and I will!

Everyone can bounce back, it's just a matter of finding the trampoline

I went to sleep with a huge grin on my face last night.

No, it wasn't because of what you people are thinking! :)

But I was happy because of a girl, I saw her last night. I was so giddy the entire time, I could barely stop shaking. The funny thing is she couldn't see me.

We didn't meet in person, but she did cam me. How odd a phrase, to cam someone, to connect visually and show yourself, in a sense to expose yourself to someone over an indeterminate distance. And also displaying a sense of trust.

I saw her and I saw angels floating on heavenly music. She was amazing. She had on this cute little "Canada" baseball cap, which just accentuated her gorgeous features. She has such an amazing smile, and seeing her eyes was like seeing one of the Wonders of the World (everything you know about them just doesn't measure up to the reality), I was literally wide-mouthed with how gorgeous her eyes were last night. She promised me 30 seconds of cam time, but ended up giving me more than 10 minutes. I couldn't stop commenting on how amazing she looked.

I've seen her before, about 3 months ago, but honestly my memory of her face, although clear and crystalline, couldn't compare to seeing the beauty that she truly is.

After we disconnected, I wished her a good night and I went to bed with such a smile on my face as to end all smiles.

Then this morning I was thinking about her, while I was sitting at my wonderful cubicle (I really do love my job, I just criticize it because it's what everyone expects of me), and hoping she would come online at lunch, I was thinking about how amazing she looked last night. At about 1:15 she came online and the first thing I noticed was that she felt like crap (I'm no psychic, as much as I'd like to be, she had a message in her MSN display name saying that she felt like crap). I felt sooooo bad for her, and actually supported her idea of staying away from the computer for a while (she thought she was sitting in front of the PC too much). All the while my heart was cracking, because it would mean that we wouldn't have our daily communication, which I soooo cherish. But I know that for the people you care about you have to make sacrifices, even if it means not being able to contact them.

I was resigned to it.

Then this afternoon, when I got home I was feeling kind of sad, I got an email from my ex-wife saying that my son wanted to talk to me. So I called him, and we talked and I laughed. He was watching Gremlins and running around my sister's place. He kept asking me to do Gizmo's voice or the Gremlin's voice, which I would obviously do for him. Then he told me how he was Batman, and that he wanted a Batmobile. He made me sooooo happy (he always makes me happy).

Then to top it off, I chatted a bit with that certain someone again, and she was feeling better, so that made me happy too.

There are times in our lives when we feel we're flying, then others when we feel we're crashing. I know this, I just didn't understand it until recently. I'm gonna borrow a wonderful line from Batman Begins (my son would be proud of me)

"Why do we fall? We fall so we can learn to pick ourselves up".

Isn't Joaquin a beautiful name?!!???!!!

I decided to call my sister after I finished blogging a little bit ago, since we haven't talked in a little while.

She's pregnant.

I knew she was, but noone was talking about it since we didn't want to jinx it (yes, we're a superstitious lot, but better safe and with our bases covered than sorry). She is now six months pregnant and had one of her Ultrasounds today. Apparently, not only will I be an uncle sometime in October or November, but I will be the uncle of a bouncing baby boy! WOOHOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My sister's already named him. The newest member of my family will be called Joaquin.

I'm sooooo happy for my baby sis!

Pretty good news....

I met with Gabe today (my ex brother-in-law). We started talking about a lot of stuff and for some reason we ended up talking about my living situation.

As some may know I live with my uncle, and my Grandparent's are staying with us. It's kind of an uncomfortable living situation, but I was resigned to it.

Well, when I was talking with Gabe, he asked me "Why don't you come live with me?"

My jaw dropped!

Gabe and I have known each other all of our lives, he's as close to a brother I'll ever have. But I never considered living with him. He offered his apartment completely, all I would have to pay would be my food and half of the internet bill. WHAT A DEAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I wouldn't even have to pay him rent. I offered but he didn't want me to. He also gave me his car! He bought a newer car, since he was bored of the old one. He was gonna scrap the old one, but then he said "I'm only gonna get 50 bucks for it, do you want it?"

I told him that I didn't have 50 bucks on me, but then he said, "No, have it, here are the keys. If you pay for your parking space, cool. It's yours."

WOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

I've got a place to live, away from my insane family, a car, needs license plates but I'll get those. All I'll have to do is finish renewing my license and I'm all set!

Not bad, eh?

The only thing that would make this perfect, is if I could talk to a certain someone tonight or tomorrow.

One can hope.

I was working but I was thinking of other things....

I worked today, just got home about half an hour ago.

A co-worker of mine decided that he didn't want to work anymore so I got his Saturday shift. This is extremely beneficial for me, since I need the hours to make more money (which I always want but never have). It's a nice 12 hour shift where I pretty much sit on my ass and do fuck all.

So today was my first time doing this shift, and I think I did fairly well. But (there's always a but) I spent the entire day thinking about someone. Truth be told I did watch Mr. & Mrs. Smith, countless episodes of The Simpsons and Joey, but while I was doing this I was thinking about that special someone.

I wasn't able to talk to her at all today (except for a brief hello and goodbye this morning on MSN) since she was going to Live 8 in Barrie. And I won't be able to talk to her until Monday, since she's gonna be with her family until then. And I miss her. I never knew I could miss someone so much whom I barely know.

She now knows how I feel, what I think, who I really am, what really goes on in my mind. I've been more open with her than I ever have been with anyone ever before. And I miss her.

I love her laugh. It's catchy, and makes me laugh like crazy. I love the way she bitches, swears and complains at other drivers while she's driving the car she loves so much. Her voice is so sweet, just listening to her say "Hello" makes me smile so much. I love the things she says to me, the way she makes me feel. I look forward to every minute that we chat or talk to each other. And I miss her.

I think about seeing her again and I get butterflies in my stomach. But the really, really good butterflies. The ones you want to feel all the time. And I miss her.

I hope I'll talk to her again soon, because I really miss her.

A-B-C's of me

I found this on a wonderful blog that I found this morning, thanks Shellubra!

I thought it would be a good way for everyone to get to know me. Here goes:

A - Age you received your first kiss:
14 (can't remember her name)

B - Band I'm listening to right now:
Remy Zero

C - Crush:
Teri Hatcher (When I saw her in Lois & Clark I knew I'd eventually marry her!)

D - Dad's name:
Artigas

E - Easiest person to talk to:
Gabe and Cowgirl

F - Favorite bands at the moment:
Lifehouse, Jorge Drexler

G - Gummy worms or gummy bears?
Gummy Bears, no competition!

H - Hometown:
Mississauga, ON, Canada

I - Instruments:
Guitar and Clarinet (I know, I know, but I'm actually good at it!)

J- Junior High:
Didn't have one, but Elementary school was St. Christopher's

K - Kids:
1, Francisco (He's my every joy in life, and he likes Superman and Batman too, just like his old man!!!)

L - Longest car ride ever:
Mississauga to Miami, Florida (Did it like a dozen times with Dad)

M - Mom's name:
Betty

N - Nicknames:
Pabs, Pablito (grrrrrrrrrrrr), Foreign Guy

O - One wish:
That I'll be with my son again really, really soon!!

P - Phobia[s]:
Basement stairs when the lights are off (I still run extra quick up those last few steps)

Q - Quote:
"Absence doesn't make the heart grow fonder, just a little sadder"

R - Reason to smile:
My son

S - Last song you heard:
"She will be loved" Maroon 5

T- Time you woke up today:
5:50 (Damn fucking alarm clock!)

U- Unknown fact about me:
Everyone knows I'm shy, but noone really understands how badly I freeze up in social situations

V - Vegetable you hate:
Beets (Destroy all the beets in the world and I can die happy!)

W - Worst habit(s):
Biting my nails and Smoking (But to be honest, I enjoy both)

X - Xtremely?:
Shy

Y - Yikes!:
My uncle keeps downloading this freaky '70s porn and it keeps popping up on my desktop!!!

Z - Zodiac sign:
Gemini