So a very good friend of mine recommended that I start writing in my blog again. The stupid, inane things that I wrote down here years ago seemed to do me well....
Here I am, it's half past 3 in the morning on December 25th....and I have nothing to show for this 2012.
A little emptiness (ok, fine, a lot). I'm listening to an assortment of music, a lot of Michael Buble oddly enough. Most of my "friends" are out with each other, living it up, getting sloshed, doing things that I'd rather be doing.
And here I am...worried about one friend who has gotten herself into a bit of a medical pickle by following an idiotic diet. And worried even moreso about another friend who seems to be missing someone greatly during this holiday season.
She hasn't wanted to talk about it, and I think it's because the wound is too fresh in her heart. But at the same time I feel that she needs to talk about it.
Off on a tangent again...I stare at my fingers while I type and I marvel at how easily the words come out. I barely have to think them and there they are on the screen. No, it's not a wonderous thing...everyone thinks and writes and speaks, but not many do it coherently.
Am I writing coherently though? Or is this more stream-of-consciousness writing?
No clue.
Back to my friend...I like her, she knows it. I've laid it out for her in no uncertain terms, but as always with "El Gringo" (as they call me here), I'm not enough of a dick, so I end up as the greatest friend on the planet.
Yeah, the lonely man's life for me....there's a song in there somewhere, probably a Blues song.
It's an old story, probably the oldest one.
Either way I want to be there for this girl. Maybe she needs a friend more than she needs a boyfriend (at 37 is being a boyfriend even viable??)
She needs support more than she does romance. A caring ear, more than loving lips. I could go on and on.
My best and worst course of action is to just keep helping her, listening to her, being there.
Yes, I know, I'll continue to be a friend and nothing more...but maybe that's my destiny. To be the best friend around, even though I'm probably too damned lonely to be of any good to anyone.
I'm reminded of a phrase I read once in a book "Done bun can't be undone". I've chosen this path, it's my lot in life.
And I'm good at it.
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