I'm done with love.
I know that's a little extreme, but yup, I'm done with love.
I give up.
I've decided that it'll be better to not love anymore. It'll hurt less.
I was once told that love not reciprocated cannot be true. In my case, I guess I'll just have to wait, and keep searching.
Friendship is good, though.
I should have listened to BG long ago. BG if you're out there, you were right. I'd love to talk to you tonight, 'cause I know you'd understand.
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
Does anyone have King Kong's phone number???
I was hurt today.
I don't think the person meant to hurt me, at least I hope she didn't, but nonetheless, she did.
It made me feel really sick to my stomach. I don't mean that it disgusted me.
I just felt kind of confused. Like that's different from any other day, eh?
I tried explaining some of what was happening to me, but I couldn't find the words, and she took my hesitation in the wrong way. I think she was a little annoyed (or maybe alot) at that.
I don't know how to move forward now.
I don't think the person meant to hurt me, at least I hope she didn't, but nonetheless, she did.
It made me feel really sick to my stomach. I don't mean that it disgusted me.
I just felt kind of confused. Like that's different from any other day, eh?
I tried explaining some of what was happening to me, but I couldn't find the words, and she took my hesitation in the wrong way. I think she was a little annoyed (or maybe alot) at that.
I don't know how to move forward now.
Monday, August 29, 2005
Impoverished Despair
I bought a small white wristband today.
I also put a banner on my blog.
I've seen these banners and these small wristbands before, and I truly think that it's a very powerful and good cause. Make Poverty History.
I originally saw the banner on Adria's blog, and later saw the wristband on a friend's wrist a couple of weeks ago. I decided to look into it, and I truly think that there may be no better cause at this moment in time.
I have never suffered from poverty. I have never suffered want or despair. I truly don't think that many of us understand what it is to truly suffer from poverty. Of course we see the statistics, we see the images, and for those of us courageous enough, we see the first hand effects. But to truly feel the despair and desolation of poverty? To truly not know where your next meal is coming from?
Forget about all our petty worries, forget the stupid cell phone bill, or the internet bill. Forget about not being able to get that paintjob for your car, or that new designer pair of jeans. Forget about that hair care product, or those seriously cool sunglasses you want to buy. Forget about those shoes, or that DVD player, or that computer. It's all meaningless.
What isn't meaningless is trying to make the world a better place. Trying to help those people who literally cannot help themselves. We must rise above the inane meanderings of our lives, and assist.
I once read a book that proposed the idea that the purpose of life was "To Strive for the Infinite". This is a very ubiquitous statement which means that we must do everything we can to reach perfection, but that even though our journey may very well end in failure, we must continue to strive. What better way to strive for that infinite, than to try to end despair. To try to end suffering.
Join me in this simple yet powerful campaign to try and make the world a better place. Yes, I know this sounds corny, but as I've previously stated, the corny and cheesy lines are the ones that hold the most truth and are the most powerful. Buy a wristband, or put a banner on your website or blog, or write a letter, or write an email. Anything, so long as we help.
Help.
That's what we must do.
I also put a banner on my blog.
I've seen these banners and these small wristbands before, and I truly think that it's a very powerful and good cause. Make Poverty History.
I originally saw the banner on Adria's blog, and later saw the wristband on a friend's wrist a couple of weeks ago. I decided to look into it, and I truly think that there may be no better cause at this moment in time.
I have never suffered from poverty. I have never suffered want or despair. I truly don't think that many of us understand what it is to truly suffer from poverty. Of course we see the statistics, we see the images, and for those of us courageous enough, we see the first hand effects. But to truly feel the despair and desolation of poverty? To truly not know where your next meal is coming from?
Forget about all our petty worries, forget the stupid cell phone bill, or the internet bill. Forget about not being able to get that paintjob for your car, or that new designer pair of jeans. Forget about that hair care product, or those seriously cool sunglasses you want to buy. Forget about those shoes, or that DVD player, or that computer. It's all meaningless.
What isn't meaningless is trying to make the world a better place. Trying to help those people who literally cannot help themselves. We must rise above the inane meanderings of our lives, and assist.
I once read a book that proposed the idea that the purpose of life was "To Strive for the Infinite". This is a very ubiquitous statement which means that we must do everything we can to reach perfection, but that even though our journey may very well end in failure, we must continue to strive. What better way to strive for that infinite, than to try to end despair. To try to end suffering.
Join me in this simple yet powerful campaign to try and make the world a better place. Yes, I know this sounds corny, but as I've previously stated, the corny and cheesy lines are the ones that hold the most truth and are the most powerful. Buy a wristband, or put a banner on your website or blog, or write a letter, or write an email. Anything, so long as we help.
Help.
That's what we must do.
Saturday, August 27, 2005
The pen having writ moves on...
I've been sitting here surfing through blogs.
For maybe 2 hours, just surfing and surfing. I keep on surfing, I'm gonna start thinking I should go pro.
But I digress.
As I was saying, I've been surfing for all this time through all these blogs, and I keep returning to the same 7 or 8 blogs. Especially one.
Not that the other blogs I've seen aren't amazingly interesting, they are. It's just that returning to all these familiar blogs is like dropping in on an old friend just to say hi. This friend is never annoyed at the unexpected visit. Quite the contrary, this friend hopes that you will return, and often. And I do.
I'm stuck on these 7 or 8 blogs, because they're comfortable. I like feeling comfortable. But I don't like being stagnant. Stagnance leads to putrefication and that's not a good thing.
I don't want to get stuck in a rut of doing the same things everyday, but what else is one to do?
I just re-read everything I've just written, and for some reason it seems like I'm writing about something else entirely. Is this that damnable evasive subtext rearing its head again?????
Believe me, all I'm doing is trying to flesh my thoughts out. I'm just sitting here and listening to music. Wondering how I can move my life forward in the way I want to.
Do I take a step towards the ledge? Do I have the balls to jump off, not knowing if there's a safety net, not even really caring?
I'd like to ask something of my faithful readers. Comment on this post. Not with how amazingly well written it is ;-) or with how my bitter diatribes keep your attention, but with your own personal experiences. How have you, my faithful reader, moved forward? In what way have you decided to "read more than just the same blogs"?
What was your leap of faith?
For maybe 2 hours, just surfing and surfing. I keep on surfing, I'm gonna start thinking I should go pro.
But I digress.
As I was saying, I've been surfing for all this time through all these blogs, and I keep returning to the same 7 or 8 blogs. Especially one.
Not that the other blogs I've seen aren't amazingly interesting, they are. It's just that returning to all these familiar blogs is like dropping in on an old friend just to say hi. This friend is never annoyed at the unexpected visit. Quite the contrary, this friend hopes that you will return, and often. And I do.
I'm stuck on these 7 or 8 blogs, because they're comfortable. I like feeling comfortable. But I don't like being stagnant. Stagnance leads to putrefication and that's not a good thing.
I don't want to get stuck in a rut of doing the same things everyday, but what else is one to do?
I just re-read everything I've just written, and for some reason it seems like I'm writing about something else entirely. Is this that damnable evasive subtext rearing its head again?????
Believe me, all I'm doing is trying to flesh my thoughts out. I'm just sitting here and listening to music. Wondering how I can move my life forward in the way I want to.
Do I take a step towards the ledge? Do I have the balls to jump off, not knowing if there's a safety net, not even really caring?
I'd like to ask something of my faithful readers. Comment on this post. Not with how amazingly well written it is ;-) or with how my bitter diatribes keep your attention, but with your own personal experiences. How have you, my faithful reader, moved forward? In what way have you decided to "read more than just the same blogs"?
What was your leap of faith?
Friday, August 26, 2005
Do we have ESP??
I keep wondering, is there any truth to psychic abilities?
Can some people really see the future before it unfolds? Are some people truly empathic? Telepathic even?
Obviously this all sounds very cool, but at the same time it's a bit frightening. Consider this: If people can really see the future, does this mean that our future is pre-planned? Do we have no say in what we're going to do? Are we led to a final destination by some unknown hand?
If people are truly empathic or telepathic, are our emotions and thoughts no longer our own? Do they feel and sense the emotions and thoughts that are not fully formed or only the ones we consciously feel and think? For example, I got seriously pissed off at my uncle the other day, and for one instant there was an image of me punching him and then throttling him. Maybe 2 seconds later that image was gone. But do these empathic and telepathic people (if they exist) feel even these miscarriages of thought and emotion? I would never hurt my uncle or any other member of my family, but we've all thought at one moment or another "I'm gonna kill him/her"
Are these the thoughts that are being broadcast, as well as the nice thoughts we probably seldom have?
Then the question becomes "Do we all have these powers to some extent?"
If we make an analogy regarding physical abilities, we can analyze this. Not everyone can participate in the 100 M dash at the Olympics, or be a Hockey Star, or an amazing Soccer Player like Pelé. If we delve into mental abilities, not everyone can play Chess like Kasparov, or analyze String theory like Dr. Brian Greene. But aren't we all capable of small examples of these? I may not be able to analyze String theory like Dr. Greene, but I can do arithmetic. I can't play Soccer like Pelé could but I can kick the ball around with my Dad or my Son. Is this analogy apt? And if it is, does this mean that although not all of us have strong extra-sensory powers, all of us may be capable of using them at a bare minimum of level?
And so we arrive at Intuition. Might intuition be a low level version of seeing the future, empathy and/or telepathy? Might we all at one point or another be receiving images, feelings or thoughts from those closest to us emotionally? I say "emotionally" because if ESP works at all, it doesn't seem to be location or distance oriented.
Or is intuition just simply our subconscious mind analyzing reactions, our surroundings, sounds, smells, vocal modulations, past actions and then a logical conclusion arises based on these stimuli?
I don't know.
And what of moments when intuition starts poking its head around when there is no immediate physical interaction? Can it be true intuition? Is this evidence that intuition is truly a function of extra-sensory perception? Or does the argument fall to pieces?
What are we supposed to do? Do we follow what our intuition tells us? Do we base it all on faith?
I know these are a lot of questions. But sometimes questions are all we have.
It all kind of scares me.
Can some people really see the future before it unfolds? Are some people truly empathic? Telepathic even?
Obviously this all sounds very cool, but at the same time it's a bit frightening. Consider this: If people can really see the future, does this mean that our future is pre-planned? Do we have no say in what we're going to do? Are we led to a final destination by some unknown hand?
If people are truly empathic or telepathic, are our emotions and thoughts no longer our own? Do they feel and sense the emotions and thoughts that are not fully formed or only the ones we consciously feel and think? For example, I got seriously pissed off at my uncle the other day, and for one instant there was an image of me punching him and then throttling him. Maybe 2 seconds later that image was gone. But do these empathic and telepathic people (if they exist) feel even these miscarriages of thought and emotion? I would never hurt my uncle or any other member of my family, but we've all thought at one moment or another "I'm gonna kill him/her"
Are these the thoughts that are being broadcast, as well as the nice thoughts we probably seldom have?
Then the question becomes "Do we all have these powers to some extent?"
If we make an analogy regarding physical abilities, we can analyze this. Not everyone can participate in the 100 M dash at the Olympics, or be a Hockey Star, or an amazing Soccer Player like Pelé. If we delve into mental abilities, not everyone can play Chess like Kasparov, or analyze String theory like Dr. Brian Greene. But aren't we all capable of small examples of these? I may not be able to analyze String theory like Dr. Greene, but I can do arithmetic. I can't play Soccer like Pelé could but I can kick the ball around with my Dad or my Son. Is this analogy apt? And if it is, does this mean that although not all of us have strong extra-sensory powers, all of us may be capable of using them at a bare minimum of level?
And so we arrive at Intuition. Might intuition be a low level version of seeing the future, empathy and/or telepathy? Might we all at one point or another be receiving images, feelings or thoughts from those closest to us emotionally? I say "emotionally" because if ESP works at all, it doesn't seem to be location or distance oriented.
Or is intuition just simply our subconscious mind analyzing reactions, our surroundings, sounds, smells, vocal modulations, past actions and then a logical conclusion arises based on these stimuli?
I don't know.
And what of moments when intuition starts poking its head around when there is no immediate physical interaction? Can it be true intuition? Is this evidence that intuition is truly a function of extra-sensory perception? Or does the argument fall to pieces?
What are we supposed to do? Do we follow what our intuition tells us? Do we base it all on faith?
I know these are a lot of questions. But sometimes questions are all we have.
It all kind of scares me.
The pain is overwhelming
It hurts.
I cut my finger last night. Badly.
I was slicing bread for dinner last night, and next thing I know the bread is wet and red.
I just didn't understand what was happening, until I looked beside the sliced bread and saw a small piece of my index finger on the cutting board.
That's when it started to hurt.
I wasn't even paying attention. I guess I was kind of blue.
Luckily Crazy Glue works for finger parts. (I read somewhere that medics and nurses in World War I and II would use instant adhesive to close wounds temporarily, and I thought Why Not?)
Still hurts today.
It goes without saying that we didn't eat the bread.
I cut my finger last night. Badly.
I was slicing bread for dinner last night, and next thing I know the bread is wet and red.
I just didn't understand what was happening, until I looked beside the sliced bread and saw a small piece of my index finger on the cutting board.
That's when it started to hurt.
I wasn't even paying attention. I guess I was kind of blue.
Luckily Crazy Glue works for finger parts. (I read somewhere that medics and nurses in World War I and II would use instant adhesive to close wounds temporarily, and I thought Why Not?)
Still hurts today.
It goes without saying that we didn't eat the bread.
Thursday, August 25, 2005
HAPPY BIRTHDAY COWGIRL!!!
It's today!
Well, a very special and important person is celebrating her 30th birthday today!
I'd like to wish her the very best on such a momentous occasion, as is her 30th birthday. Those of us who know her were all very blessed on the day she was born!
Please join me in wishing her the best of days.
Love you, hun!
Well, a very special and important person is celebrating her 30th birthday today!
I'd like to wish her the very best on such a momentous occasion, as is her 30th birthday. Those of us who know her were all very blessed on the day she was born!
Please join me in wishing her the best of days.
Love you, hun!
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
I'm flabbergasted at how good he looks!
I used to watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer. A lot.
I guess you could say I was obsessed, but a good kind of obsessed.
To be completely honest, I really liked the character interactions. Sure, Sarah Michelle Gellar was seriously hot while kicking vampire ass, but it was good interactions.
I really liked the relationship between the Buffy and Angel characters, and later on the Buffy and Spike characters. I thought they clicked.
But today I was reading an article about James Marsters (Spike on Buffy) being cast as Brainiac on Smallville. So I decided to do an internet search of James Marsters, and holy crap!!! I found out he's 43 years of age!!!
Damn!
This guy looks amazing for his age!! He just turned 43 on Saturday (Happy Birthday James).
I hope I look that good when I'm his age. Hell, I wish I looked that good now.
I guess you could say I was obsessed, but a good kind of obsessed.
To be completely honest, I really liked the character interactions. Sure, Sarah Michelle Gellar was seriously hot while kicking vampire ass, but it was good interactions.
I really liked the relationship between the Buffy and Angel characters, and later on the Buffy and Spike characters. I thought they clicked.
But today I was reading an article about James Marsters (Spike on Buffy) being cast as Brainiac on Smallville. So I decided to do an internet search of James Marsters, and holy crap!!! I found out he's 43 years of age!!!
Damn!
This guy looks amazing for his age!! He just turned 43 on Saturday (Happy Birthday James).
I hope I look that good when I'm his age. Hell, I wish I looked that good now.
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
What does it take to learn to fly?
I'd really like to know...what does it take to be really happy?
I don't think happiness is inevitable. I truly think that we have to work to achieve it, looking for the things that make us happy during the days that we tread on this earth. I know of some things that make me happy and others that don't.
I've been really missing someone lately. In the past few days our communication has been sporadic at best, due to electronic problems. And because of this I've been sad and blue. I've been thinking about her constantly. I think about our conversations and the day we saw each other again. And those memories make me happy, but this lack of contact doesn't.
I talk with Frankie almost every day now, and whenever I talk to him he calls me Superman and Elephant (mostly because I do voices for him and he loves it). He laughs like crazy everytime we talk and he makes me smile, and for a time I'm happy.
Work holds no joy for me. I guess I'm just going through the motions, although I still give 100% if not more. It's just not in me to not try and do a great job. But even so, I have no purpose there.
Am I looking for reason, purpose, understanding? Am I trying to find meaning in words and emotions? I guess I am, but mostly I think I'm trying to do what everyone is trying to do, be happy.
I know we're all trying to find pretty much the same things as we ramble on through our lives. Moments of joy that will eventually accumulate into a general glow of happiness once we reach those final moments. But as we go through each of the moments of non-joy do we truly understand what will bring us happiness? Do we strive for that happiness with every fibre of our being? Or do we just float through life as if we were a piece of driftwood on the ocean, waiting to arrive at that sandy shore? Do we even know what will make us happy as we move through our lives? I know what makes me happy, I truly do. And this is a contradiction in and of itself.
Whenever I think about all of this my thoughts inevitably turn towards my special someone. I keep returning to the matter of this special woman because she has become such an important part of my life in so short of time. This astonishes me, but at the same time I love it. Not only am I in love with her, but she's my best friend. And I've noticed these past few days how much I miss her laughter, her voice, her smile, her eyes, her witty comments. I miss being able to constantly tell her how beautiful she is, even though I know she'll deny it always.
And I sit here staring at the computer screen thinking that maybe understanding will come. Maybe a shred of enlightenment. But no. I sit here and no answers come forth, only perpetual static. So I sit here wondering and hoping.
Wondering and hoping. What better definition of life is there?
I don't think happiness is inevitable. I truly think that we have to work to achieve it, looking for the things that make us happy during the days that we tread on this earth. I know of some things that make me happy and others that don't.
I've been really missing someone lately. In the past few days our communication has been sporadic at best, due to electronic problems. And because of this I've been sad and blue. I've been thinking about her constantly. I think about our conversations and the day we saw each other again. And those memories make me happy, but this lack of contact doesn't.
I talk with Frankie almost every day now, and whenever I talk to him he calls me Superman and Elephant (mostly because I do voices for him and he loves it). He laughs like crazy everytime we talk and he makes me smile, and for a time I'm happy.
Work holds no joy for me. I guess I'm just going through the motions, although I still give 100% if not more. It's just not in me to not try and do a great job. But even so, I have no purpose there.
Am I looking for reason, purpose, understanding? Am I trying to find meaning in words and emotions? I guess I am, but mostly I think I'm trying to do what everyone is trying to do, be happy.
I know we're all trying to find pretty much the same things as we ramble on through our lives. Moments of joy that will eventually accumulate into a general glow of happiness once we reach those final moments. But as we go through each of the moments of non-joy do we truly understand what will bring us happiness? Do we strive for that happiness with every fibre of our being? Or do we just float through life as if we were a piece of driftwood on the ocean, waiting to arrive at that sandy shore? Do we even know what will make us happy as we move through our lives? I know what makes me happy, I truly do. And this is a contradiction in and of itself.
Whenever I think about all of this my thoughts inevitably turn towards my special someone. I keep returning to the matter of this special woman because she has become such an important part of my life in so short of time. This astonishes me, but at the same time I love it. Not only am I in love with her, but she's my best friend. And I've noticed these past few days how much I miss her laughter, her voice, her smile, her eyes, her witty comments. I miss being able to constantly tell her how beautiful she is, even though I know she'll deny it always.
And I sit here staring at the computer screen thinking that maybe understanding will come. Maybe a shred of enlightenment. But no. I sit here and no answers come forth, only perpetual static. So I sit here wondering and hoping.
Wondering and hoping. What better definition of life is there?
Monday, August 22, 2005
Boring weekend
I honestly did nothing at all this weekend.
I worked on Saturday night, and did nothing at work.
Sunday I did nothing of import. Honestly, the only thing I did on Sunday was watch "The Cat in the Hat".
All I really did all weekend was stare at the fucking computer screen. Damn thing mocks me. It laughs at me.
I worked on Saturday night, and did nothing at work.
Sunday I did nothing of import. Honestly, the only thing I did on Sunday was watch "The Cat in the Hat".
All I really did all weekend was stare at the fucking computer screen. Damn thing mocks me. It laughs at me.
Friday, August 19, 2005
Chewing on my pen cap
I'm kinda nervous.
I don't think I made as nice an impression as I thought.
I'm a little confused I guess. Actually no, I'm really confused.
Maybe she didn't feel the spark.
Maybe I'm jumping to conclusions. I should wait and see.
I don't think I made as nice an impression as I thought.
I'm a little confused I guess. Actually no, I'm really confused.
Maybe she didn't feel the spark.
Maybe I'm jumping to conclusions. I should wait and see.
Thursday, August 18, 2005
I WANT MY PILLOW!!
Ugh.
I slept in this morning. Not much, just half an hour, but it screwed up my whole morning.
Woke up at 6:30 instead of my usual 6 am. So everything was delayed by half an hour. Raced to shower and get dressed then saw that the time was 7:15, so I just asked my grandfather to give me a ride.
I'm still tired.
I slept in this morning. Not much, just half an hour, but it screwed up my whole morning.
Woke up at 6:30 instead of my usual 6 am. So everything was delayed by half an hour. Raced to shower and get dressed then saw that the time was 7:15, so I just asked my grandfather to give me a ride.
I'm still tired.
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
On top of the Empire State Building on Valentine's...
I met the woman of my dreams.
Literally.
I was nervous as hell this morning when I woke up at 4:30 am.
Yup, 4:30 am.
I had a long trip ahead of me, for a meeting that would be brief, but I didn't care. Even 5 minutes with her would have been a joyous eternity.
With all the bus trips and train trips the trip to her hometown took 4 hours. But once I was well underway, my nerves started to calm down.
Once I arrived in her hometown, I decided that the first thing I should do was figure out where the hell I was in relation to her, location-wise. I bought a map. I know, I know, very touristy thing to do, but heck I was a tourist! Once I had the map I found out that I was pretty damned far-away from her, so I started walking. It's a good thing I got there early!
After about an hour of walking I finally caught a cab (I hadn't up until this point because I was looking for a convenience store that carried the specific brand of gum she asked me to buy her). I also bought her a single rose. It's her favourite flower, and I really wanted to buy it for her.
I gave the cabbie the address, and off we went.
Lucky me, I gave him the wrong address. But as luck would have it, I was only off by half a block, and I saw the correct place to go.
So once I got there I sat and waited.
I was starting to get nervous again, mostly because I started doubting that I was in the right place. So every 5 minutes I'd get up, check the address and then sit back down again. Add to this that when I first sat down I fell on my ass and almost had the whole bench fall on me, and you can imagine how uptight I was. Either way, I wanted to be sitting there when she came out, but just my goddamned fucking luck, the minute that she came out, I was checking the address, so she almost left and didn't see me!
But I ran back and knocked on the window of her door. I think she was surprised to see me.
The hug I gave her felt soooooooooo good. And she's sooooooo beautiful I could barely breathe.
She asked me to get into her car and we went off to have a quick lunch.
We were kind of indecisive, mostly because we were both nervous. And I just couldn't keep my eyes off of her. She's so incredibly beautiful.
We went to Subway and ordered a couple of wraps, and then went back to the car. I just sat there and looked at her, wasn't even thinking of eating.
Her nerves started really showing through when she started rifling through her wallet, trying to avoid looking at me.
I couldn't help it, I kissed her, and I was hers. There was no more fighting it (at least not for me), no more doubts, no more fears.
She tastes like sweet canteloupe. What an amazing woman!
We talked for a bit, I kissed her again. We talked some more, I held her hand. We talked a little more, and then I kissed her again. She had to go back to work.
We drove back to work, and I hugged her goodbye. I wanted to spend more time with her, but we all have responsibilities. (I shirked mine today by taking the day off, but it was my first day off since I started working, so I think I deserved it)
And then I made my way back to the bus station and came back home. The trip home was uneventful.
But I couldn't stop smiling, I still can't.
Literally.
I was nervous as hell this morning when I woke up at 4:30 am.
Yup, 4:30 am.
I had a long trip ahead of me, for a meeting that would be brief, but I didn't care. Even 5 minutes with her would have been a joyous eternity.
With all the bus trips and train trips the trip to her hometown took 4 hours. But once I was well underway, my nerves started to calm down.
Once I arrived in her hometown, I decided that the first thing I should do was figure out where the hell I was in relation to her, location-wise. I bought a map. I know, I know, very touristy thing to do, but heck I was a tourist! Once I had the map I found out that I was pretty damned far-away from her, so I started walking. It's a good thing I got there early!
After about an hour of walking I finally caught a cab (I hadn't up until this point because I was looking for a convenience store that carried the specific brand of gum she asked me to buy her). I also bought her a single rose. It's her favourite flower, and I really wanted to buy it for her.
I gave the cabbie the address, and off we went.
Lucky me, I gave him the wrong address. But as luck would have it, I was only off by half a block, and I saw the correct place to go.
So once I got there I sat and waited.
I was starting to get nervous again, mostly because I started doubting that I was in the right place. So every 5 minutes I'd get up, check the address and then sit back down again. Add to this that when I first sat down I fell on my ass and almost had the whole bench fall on me, and you can imagine how uptight I was. Either way, I wanted to be sitting there when she came out, but just my goddamned fucking luck, the minute that she came out, I was checking the address, so she almost left and didn't see me!
But I ran back and knocked on the window of her door. I think she was surprised to see me.
The hug I gave her felt soooooooooo good. And she's sooooooo beautiful I could barely breathe.
She asked me to get into her car and we went off to have a quick lunch.
We were kind of indecisive, mostly because we were both nervous. And I just couldn't keep my eyes off of her. She's so incredibly beautiful.
We went to Subway and ordered a couple of wraps, and then went back to the car. I just sat there and looked at her, wasn't even thinking of eating.
Her nerves started really showing through when she started rifling through her wallet, trying to avoid looking at me.
I couldn't help it, I kissed her, and I was hers. There was no more fighting it (at least not for me), no more doubts, no more fears.
She tastes like sweet canteloupe. What an amazing woman!
We talked for a bit, I kissed her again. We talked some more, I held her hand. We talked a little more, and then I kissed her again. She had to go back to work.
We drove back to work, and I hugged her goodbye. I wanted to spend more time with her, but we all have responsibilities. (I shirked mine today by taking the day off, but it was my first day off since I started working, so I think I deserved it)
And then I made my way back to the bus station and came back home. The trip home was uneventful.
But I couldn't stop smiling, I still can't.
Monday, August 15, 2005
Multi-coloured winged insects covered in stomach acids.....
Well, as promised I have returned.
It was shaping up to be a bleak weekend when I woke up on Saturday morning. I had to work 10 am to 10 pm (a nice change from my 10 pm Saturday to 10 am Sunday shift). And I knew I would be bored out of my mind.
I woke up too damned early that morning, at about 6:30 am. Do I know why? Not a fucking clue! So there I am bored out of my skull and it's only 7 am.
The day was not starting out well.
My grandfather drove me in to work (Definitely one benifit in living with him) and I settled in for my nice long shift. I had taken movies to watch, books to read, and was planning on doing a lot of blog-surfing.
I decided to go into the Flirt website, and see what people were talking about in there.It actually turned out to be an amusing conversation with multiple people. Sort of like an orgy of words.
Finally, the day started brightening up. My special friend came online. She was at work, and as bored as I was, but lucky her she had work to keep her busy. All I could do was stare at the phone for an inordinately obscene amount of time and wait for it to ring.
We exchanged brief words throughout the day. Mostly witty banter, making each other laugh as usual.
At the same time I was carrying on 2 conversations in Flirt, and 2 other MSN conversations. On MSN, 1 with Gabe's girlfriend (it's kind of odd to chat with her, especially considering what happened, but she has a quick wit and is a pleasure to chat with) and another with this very interesting Argentine woman. Both pleasureable conversations, but the person I really wanted to talk to was my special friend.
The day went by slowly, but surely. I did absolutely nothing all day except chat and surf. To be honest there was work to be done, but I forgot about doing it. After a while, our online chat ended as she was finished work and had to go home.
In the early evening, my friend came back online, and somehow I gathered the nerve to ask her to call me. We ended up talking for about 40 minutes. I so enjoy talking to her. It's comfortable, and reassuring.
I felt that it had been a good work day.
Now we arrive at Sunday. A day which I never thought would come. Not that Sunday doesn't come every week, because as far as I know it does, unless everyone's playing a really bad joke on me and the week is only 6 days long, and haven't told me about it. That's just cruel. Please stop?
We now return you to our regularly scheduled program.
Well Sunday. What can I say? You all know the story. Boy meets girl, boy likes girl, boy chats with girl, boy chats with girl some more, and more and more. That's about how it was, and I was sure it would always be like that. But at one point my friend, came online not to chat but because she needed to vent.
She was having some problems, of which there is no need for me to get into here, and she needed to vent a bit. She wasn't looking for help, but I decided to offer my assistance. Obviously she rejected my assistance, at first. I was insistent. And finally she accepted.
I felt such joy that I will be able to help her. And I could tell that she was relieved.
The turning point came not long after.
She came back online, and we started chatting again. We were just kidding around, and at one point I made a joking comment about trying to pick up one of my neighbours (I really don't know any of my neighbours, but it was a funny thing to say).
And she said "You're not allowed to pick anyone up"
Obviously I asked her why, and she responded "because you're mine"
WTF??????????????
huh?
what?
She finally told me, after some prodding, and a little bit of kidding, that she came to a realization during our conversation. What realization you may ask?
She got butterflies. That's it. She got butterflies in her tummy, and she finally realized she's in love with me, and wants to be with me. Obviously her situation is a blockade to this, but I have faith.
She's in love with me, and I'm in love with her.
She's opened her heart to me.
And I'm going to see her on Wednesday.
I just love those butterflies.
It was shaping up to be a bleak weekend when I woke up on Saturday morning. I had to work 10 am to 10 pm (a nice change from my 10 pm Saturday to 10 am Sunday shift). And I knew I would be bored out of my mind.
I woke up too damned early that morning, at about 6:30 am. Do I know why? Not a fucking clue! So there I am bored out of my skull and it's only 7 am.
The day was not starting out well.
My grandfather drove me in to work (Definitely one benifit in living with him) and I settled in for my nice long shift. I had taken movies to watch, books to read, and was planning on doing a lot of blog-surfing.
I decided to go into the Flirt website, and see what people were talking about in there.It actually turned out to be an amusing conversation with multiple people. Sort of like an orgy of words.
Finally, the day started brightening up. My special friend came online. She was at work, and as bored as I was, but lucky her she had work to keep her busy. All I could do was stare at the phone for an inordinately obscene amount of time and wait for it to ring.
We exchanged brief words throughout the day. Mostly witty banter, making each other laugh as usual.
At the same time I was carrying on 2 conversations in Flirt, and 2 other MSN conversations. On MSN, 1 with Gabe's girlfriend (it's kind of odd to chat with her, especially considering what happened, but she has a quick wit and is a pleasure to chat with) and another with this very interesting Argentine woman. Both pleasureable conversations, but the person I really wanted to talk to was my special friend.
The day went by slowly, but surely. I did absolutely nothing all day except chat and surf. To be honest there was work to be done, but I forgot about doing it. After a while, our online chat ended as she was finished work and had to go home.
In the early evening, my friend came back online, and somehow I gathered the nerve to ask her to call me. We ended up talking for about 40 minutes. I so enjoy talking to her. It's comfortable, and reassuring.
I felt that it had been a good work day.
Now we arrive at Sunday. A day which I never thought would come. Not that Sunday doesn't come every week, because as far as I know it does, unless everyone's playing a really bad joke on me and the week is only 6 days long, and haven't told me about it. That's just cruel. Please stop?
We now return you to our regularly scheduled program.
Well Sunday. What can I say? You all know the story. Boy meets girl, boy likes girl, boy chats with girl, boy chats with girl some more, and more and more. That's about how it was, and I was sure it would always be like that. But at one point my friend, came online not to chat but because she needed to vent.
She was having some problems, of which there is no need for me to get into here, and she needed to vent a bit. She wasn't looking for help, but I decided to offer my assistance. Obviously she rejected my assistance, at first. I was insistent. And finally she accepted.
I felt such joy that I will be able to help her. And I could tell that she was relieved.
The turning point came not long after.
She came back online, and we started chatting again. We were just kidding around, and at one point I made a joking comment about trying to pick up one of my neighbours (I really don't know any of my neighbours, but it was a funny thing to say).
And she said "You're not allowed to pick anyone up"
Obviously I asked her why, and she responded "because you're mine"
WTF??????????????
huh?
what?
She finally told me, after some prodding, and a little bit of kidding, that she came to a realization during our conversation. What realization you may ask?
She got butterflies. That's it. She got butterflies in her tummy, and she finally realized she's in love with me, and wants to be with me. Obviously her situation is a blockade to this, but I have faith.
She's in love with me, and I'm in love with her.
She's opened her heart to me.
And I'm going to see her on Wednesday.
I just love those butterflies.
A Dictionary and a Thesaurus just won't do!
I have no words.
There is no way to describe what's happened.
I'm flabbergasted, overjoyed, exalted, and none of those descriptions is enough.
What can I say to describe what I'm feeling?
I'm floating.
I'll write more, I promise. I just have to find my words again.
There is no way to describe what's happened.
I'm flabbergasted, overjoyed, exalted, and none of those descriptions is enough.
What can I say to describe what I'm feeling?
I'm floating.
I'll write more, I promise. I just have to find my words again.
Saturday, August 13, 2005
Looking into the sun hurts, but what a beautiful sight!
I'm in love, no doubt about it. I can't deny it to anyone anymore, not even myself.
Every single time I hear her voice it sounds like angels are singing. She has finally opened up a little to me without evasive subtext. Not much, but a little. I think she was inspired by a previous post ;)
How can one summarize a life of supposed happiness, and not truly know what it was to be happy. That one person could so easily make you happier than you ever have been without actually doing anything.
I'm in love with a beautiful woman, who has no inkling of how beautiful she is. I'm in love with a beautiful soul which hides itself from the world. I'm in love with beautiful eyes that make the brightest stars seem dull. I'm in love with the sweetest laughter, that sounds as if it were a choir singing the praises of God.
Might I be in love?
Every single time I hear her voice it sounds like angels are singing. She has finally opened up a little to me without evasive subtext. Not much, but a little. I think she was inspired by a previous post ;)
How can one summarize a life of supposed happiness, and not truly know what it was to be happy. That one person could so easily make you happier than you ever have been without actually doing anything.
I'm in love with a beautiful woman, who has no inkling of how beautiful she is. I'm in love with a beautiful soul which hides itself from the world. I'm in love with beautiful eyes that make the brightest stars seem dull. I'm in love with the sweetest laughter, that sounds as if it were a choir singing the praises of God.
Might I be in love?
Friday, August 12, 2005
Hidden meanings??
I was reminded of the Mel Gibson movie What Women Want today.
If we all had the power to read women's minds, would we really know what they want? I've had so many situations in the past few months (normally with one woman) where what she says, what she thinks and what she actually means or wants are all different things!
It's extremely confuzzling.
I've been kidding the last couple of hours with a friend about this, calling it evasive subtext. I know, I know, not the most inventive of phrases, but I make do.
This evasive subtext pervades a lot of our conversations (at least I think it does, and there lie all my doubts), but how are men actually supposed to understand women's true desires when they're always so difficult to actually know. And I don't necessarily mean sexual desires, but those are included. I speak of emotions, hopes, dreams, little hopes too.
How can a man truly know if a song a woman sends him is meant to convey some deeper meaning, or it's just a cool song she heard? How can a man know if a certain giggle at a certain time, means that she truly considers him more than a friend, or she's amused at the idea?
How can a man truly know if a woman truly desires a man, if at the time he straight out asks her she evades the question and then sends him romantic songs, says confuzzling things to him and leaves him with more doubts?
To all you men out there, I say this: I don't know the answer. I truly thought that by asking directly, being straightforward and honest, one could get straight answers, apparently this is not so.
I invite all women out there to comment, give opinions and hopefully tell us, what do we have to do to get a straight answer out of you?
If we all had the power to read women's minds, would we really know what they want? I've had so many situations in the past few months (normally with one woman) where what she says, what she thinks and what she actually means or wants are all different things!
It's extremely confuzzling.
I've been kidding the last couple of hours with a friend about this, calling it evasive subtext. I know, I know, not the most inventive of phrases, but I make do.
This evasive subtext pervades a lot of our conversations (at least I think it does, and there lie all my doubts), but how are men actually supposed to understand women's true desires when they're always so difficult to actually know. And I don't necessarily mean sexual desires, but those are included. I speak of emotions, hopes, dreams, little hopes too.
How can a man truly know if a song a woman sends him is meant to convey some deeper meaning, or it's just a cool song she heard? How can a man know if a certain giggle at a certain time, means that she truly considers him more than a friend, or she's amused at the idea?
How can a man truly know if a woman truly desires a man, if at the time he straight out asks her she evades the question and then sends him romantic songs, says confuzzling things to him and leaves him with more doubts?
To all you men out there, I say this: I don't know the answer. I truly thought that by asking directly, being straightforward and honest, one could get straight answers, apparently this is not so.
I invite all women out there to comment, give opinions and hopefully tell us, what do we have to do to get a straight answer out of you?
The fool that I am
I'm an idiot.
I'm an asshole.
I thought I was doing the right thing, and I was wrong.
I'm sorry.
I'm an asshole.
I thought I was doing the right thing, and I was wrong.
I'm sorry.
Thursday, August 11, 2005
Cleanliness?
So, I've been back at my uncle's place for almost a week.
OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It seems that my uncle and my grandfather have never heard of a mop, or a broom or a fucking vacuum cleaner!!!!!
Since my grandmother has left, these two men have to basically fend for themselves, and neither one of them likes to clean!
I thought this would change after a day or two, maybe they were tired. But no, the plates just kept on piling up, the floors were nasty, and the clothes in the hamper were screaming bloody torture.
Now many of you may be wondering, why I just didn't dive in and clean everything. Well, I do have to admit I was tired. I've been working constantly, and on the weekends I've been doing fairly long and tiring night shifts. So I was pretty much burnt out.
But, by yesterday, the house had gotten to a point where not even the rotting corpse of a defecated on sewer rat would live there, I got pissed off and had it out with my uncle and my grandfather.
I told them, "Look we're all living here so we're all gonna have to clean up. I'll do it this one time alone, because it's obvious you two won't, but this is gonna change and cleaning will be done." I cleaned the house up, took me until 1 am, but it got done.
I know we're all tired, but damn! It was nasty in there. I work, my uncle works, and my grandpa stays at home cooking and watching TV, so we're all going to pitch in.
I soooo hate pig stys. Maybe I was trained too well by the women in my life, or maybe I just like cleanliness. Either way, I'm not gonna be living in one.
OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It seems that my uncle and my grandfather have never heard of a mop, or a broom or a fucking vacuum cleaner!!!!!
Since my grandmother has left, these two men have to basically fend for themselves, and neither one of them likes to clean!
I thought this would change after a day or two, maybe they were tired. But no, the plates just kept on piling up, the floors were nasty, and the clothes in the hamper were screaming bloody torture.
Now many of you may be wondering, why I just didn't dive in and clean everything. Well, I do have to admit I was tired. I've been working constantly, and on the weekends I've been doing fairly long and tiring night shifts. So I was pretty much burnt out.
But, by yesterday, the house had gotten to a point where not even the rotting corpse of a defecated on sewer rat would live there, I got pissed off and had it out with my uncle and my grandfather.
I told them, "Look we're all living here so we're all gonna have to clean up. I'll do it this one time alone, because it's obvious you two won't, but this is gonna change and cleaning will be done." I cleaned the house up, took me until 1 am, but it got done.
I know we're all tired, but damn! It was nasty in there. I work, my uncle works, and my grandpa stays at home cooking and watching TV, so we're all going to pitch in.
I soooo hate pig stys. Maybe I was trained too well by the women in my life, or maybe I just like cleanliness. Either way, I'm not gonna be living in one.
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
An uneven scale and a conundrum
I've been torturing myself for the past few days.
A few days ago I decided that I would go see a friend of mine in person. I haven't told anyone of this decision, not even her (although I know she'll read this post). I'm trying to convince myself not to go, and it's a losing battle.
So in all fairness, I've decided that I will post the pros and cons of going to see her.
Pros
#1 I really, really want to
#2 She makes me happier than I have ever been
#3 She cares for me and wants to see me
#4 There is no doubt in my mind that I'm in love with her
Cons
#1 She lives 2 hours away by car
#2 She has commitments
#3 I don't have a car so I'd have to take a bus (I don't mind this, but I'm honour bound to put it down)
#4 ?????????????????
That's it. Now, to all you out there. What do I do?
A few days ago I decided that I would go see a friend of mine in person. I haven't told anyone of this decision, not even her (although I know she'll read this post). I'm trying to convince myself not to go, and it's a losing battle.
So in all fairness, I've decided that I will post the pros and cons of going to see her.
Pros
#1 I really, really want to
#2 She makes me happier than I have ever been
#3 She cares for me and wants to see me
#4 There is no doubt in my mind that I'm in love with her
Cons
#1 She lives 2 hours away by car
#2 She has commitments
#3 I don't have a car so I'd have to take a bus (I don't mind this, but I'm honour bound to put it down)
#4 ?????????????????
That's it. Now, to all you out there. What do I do?
Plentiful Lives???
Do any of us remember how we used to survive without computers?????
I know that some of us are old enough to remember a time when there wasn't a PC in every home, when internet access was a non-existent phrase.
How about TV's? How did we ever survive without TV's????????? I mean, I always had a TV in my home, when I was a kid growing up we had at least 2 or 3. But I was chatting with my papa on MSN and he actually mentioned how he didn't even watch a TV show until he was 17.
WTF???????????????????????
Ok, granted, my papa grew up on a farm in South America. They were actually one of the poor families, but just knowing that boggles the mind!
I get up every morning at 5:50 am, so I can have my morning shower, have a cold glass of juice for breakfast, and then I'm on the computer. I check my e-mail, chat with my papa, read news articles, read blogs, chat with friends, download music, and other things. All on the blessed computer.
I haven't looked at a newspaper in over a year, I barely watch TV anymore, I use the phone, but that's only to talk with my son and 1 specific friend (who I chat with as well), and I don't even think of buying CD's anymore.
There have been a couple of times since I returned to Canada that I have had to go without a computer, and at those times I've actually been reduced to twiddling my thumbs! ME!! Twiddling my thumbs!
I tried watching TV, tried reading books, hell, I even tried listening to the radio, but I got bored of those things minutes after I started!
And I'm not alone in this, I know of dozens, if not hundreds, of others who live their lives around the All-Mighty PC. I'm not talking about people who need them for work, but just people who surf, read, and have fun on computers.
Believe me, if computers were to suddenly disappear from the general populous, there would be mayhem. Riots in the streets. Public executions. Martial law would ensue. Insanity would be the rule of the world.
Or at least that's how I'd feel.
:)
I know that some of us are old enough to remember a time when there wasn't a PC in every home, when internet access was a non-existent phrase.
How about TV's? How did we ever survive without TV's????????? I mean, I always had a TV in my home, when I was a kid growing up we had at least 2 or 3. But I was chatting with my papa on MSN and he actually mentioned how he didn't even watch a TV show until he was 17.
WTF???????????????????????
Ok, granted, my papa grew up on a farm in South America. They were actually one of the poor families, but just knowing that boggles the mind!
I get up every morning at 5:50 am, so I can have my morning shower, have a cold glass of juice for breakfast, and then I'm on the computer. I check my e-mail, chat with my papa, read news articles, read blogs, chat with friends, download music, and other things. All on the blessed computer.
I haven't looked at a newspaper in over a year, I barely watch TV anymore, I use the phone, but that's only to talk with my son and 1 specific friend (who I chat with as well), and I don't even think of buying CD's anymore.
There have been a couple of times since I returned to Canada that I have had to go without a computer, and at those times I've actually been reduced to twiddling my thumbs! ME!! Twiddling my thumbs!
I tried watching TV, tried reading books, hell, I even tried listening to the radio, but I got bored of those things minutes after I started!
And I'm not alone in this, I know of dozens, if not hundreds, of others who live their lives around the All-Mighty PC. I'm not talking about people who need them for work, but just people who surf, read, and have fun on computers.
Believe me, if computers were to suddenly disappear from the general populous, there would be mayhem. Riots in the streets. Public executions. Martial law would ensue. Insanity would be the rule of the world.
Or at least that's how I'd feel.
:)
Monday, August 08, 2005
I dream in colour
I had this amazingly vivid dream last night.
I can actually remember every single step that I took in this dream, and that's kind of disturbing considering that at one point I had a conversation about genetics with a siamese cat.
Either way, the most important part of the dream came about halfway through. I had taken a Go Bus from home to another city. I'm not going to go into details of names or locations, because that would begin to compromise some other people's privacy. Suffice to say that I found myself in the city where a certain someone lives.
I honestly had no idea what I was doing there, I hadn't planned on going there, but there I was. So for some reason I started walking around and I went to buy CD's, clothes and cat food (the genetic conversation made the cat hungry).
All of a sudden I bumped into someone. I really didn't expect to see her there, even though I was in her city. In my dream she's taller than I am. In real life this is not so, she's actually a tiny bit shorter than I am, but she wasn't as beautiful in my dream as she is in reality. Even so, all of a sudden I found myself short of breath, trying to find the right words to say.
I'm fairly literate, and my spelling is better than most. Luckily when I'm on the computer I'm also fairly quick-witted, humourous and I usually know what to say at the right time. In face to face situations this isn't so. I get quiet, I get shy, I stumble over my words, I embarass the hell out of myself.
Even though my dream wasn't a real situation, and has not happened, and I actually did realize that it was a dream (the whole cat thing gave it away) I was stumbling through my words. The amazing thing was that she didn't care. In my dream she saw the same person I can be, the person that I really am, the person who types to her, not the bumbling Jack Tripper imitating fool.
In that, I know my dream is exactly like reality. I see her soul, and her soul is a beautiful, caring, loving thing.
And I'd like to think she sees mine.
I can actually remember every single step that I took in this dream, and that's kind of disturbing considering that at one point I had a conversation about genetics with a siamese cat.
Either way, the most important part of the dream came about halfway through. I had taken a Go Bus from home to another city. I'm not going to go into details of names or locations, because that would begin to compromise some other people's privacy. Suffice to say that I found myself in the city where a certain someone lives.
I honestly had no idea what I was doing there, I hadn't planned on going there, but there I was. So for some reason I started walking around and I went to buy CD's, clothes and cat food (the genetic conversation made the cat hungry).
All of a sudden I bumped into someone. I really didn't expect to see her there, even though I was in her city. In my dream she's taller than I am. In real life this is not so, she's actually a tiny bit shorter than I am, but she wasn't as beautiful in my dream as she is in reality. Even so, all of a sudden I found myself short of breath, trying to find the right words to say.
I'm fairly literate, and my spelling is better than most. Luckily when I'm on the computer I'm also fairly quick-witted, humourous and I usually know what to say at the right time. In face to face situations this isn't so. I get quiet, I get shy, I stumble over my words, I embarass the hell out of myself.
Even though my dream wasn't a real situation, and has not happened, and I actually did realize that it was a dream (the whole cat thing gave it away) I was stumbling through my words. The amazing thing was that she didn't care. In my dream she saw the same person I can be, the person that I really am, the person who types to her, not the bumbling Jack Tripper imitating fool.
In that, I know my dream is exactly like reality. I see her soul, and her soul is a beautiful, caring, loving thing.
And I'd like to think she sees mine.
Sunday, August 07, 2005
Oh boy!
I saw this on Sandra's and Firefly's blogs.
I figured I might as well take the quiz, but I really don't know what to say to the result......I have no words whatsoever.
I'm sure you'll all have your own opinions.
Please be gentle :)
I figured I might as well take the quiz, but I really don't know what to say to the result......I have no words whatsoever.
I'm sure you'll all have your own opinions.
Please be gentle :)
 | You scored as Sex God. You are a master at sex. You make your partner weak in the knees, and you know it. You've had the practice, and you've read the books, but don't get too cocky (pun intended) or you'll get put into place.
How are you in bed created with QuizFarm.com |
Friday, August 05, 2005
The Party's over
I had a day off of work yesterday.
Took the day to get stuff ready to send to my son in Uruguay, since my Grandma was going back. So I went to give her my son's gifts and say goodbye to her.
All of a sudden Gabe shows up at my Uncle's place. Obviously he went there to say goodbye to my grandma, but he had some bad news for me.
"Sorry bud, but I have to serve you your eviction notice"
WTF???????????????????????????
Apparently, because of his injury to his leg a few weeks ago, he's going on medical leave and will only be receiving like 2/3 of his pay. He says that because of this, he's going to go back to the system he had before: his mom buying the food for the house, no more internet connection, so he won't have to pay anything. Therefore I get the boot because he doesn't want to pay for food purchases, or internet usage, which we were sharing.
He then said "That way I'll have some money for partying too"
WTF???????????????????????????
That kinda pissed me off, but I said "Ok".
He actually hadn't paid for anything yet. The last two times we had gone food shopping, I had paid. And we had the internet connection for less than a month.
Personally it seemed that he wanted to be coddled by his mom again, instead of having to cook for himself, which we had been alternating days since I had gotten there.
So, tonight I'm packing my shit and going back to the insane asylum of my Uncle's place. My grandmother isn't there, so at the very least I won't have to deal with her insanity, but I will have to put up with the weird 70s and hermaphrodite porn that my uncle so loves.
Oh boy.
Took the day to get stuff ready to send to my son in Uruguay, since my Grandma was going back. So I went to give her my son's gifts and say goodbye to her.
All of a sudden Gabe shows up at my Uncle's place. Obviously he went there to say goodbye to my grandma, but he had some bad news for me.
"Sorry bud, but I have to serve you your eviction notice"
WTF???????????????????????????
Apparently, because of his injury to his leg a few weeks ago, he's going on medical leave and will only be receiving like 2/3 of his pay. He says that because of this, he's going to go back to the system he had before: his mom buying the food for the house, no more internet connection, so he won't have to pay anything. Therefore I get the boot because he doesn't want to pay for food purchases, or internet usage, which we were sharing.
He then said "That way I'll have some money for partying too"
WTF???????????????????????????
That kinda pissed me off, but I said "Ok".
He actually hadn't paid for anything yet. The last two times we had gone food shopping, I had paid. And we had the internet connection for less than a month.
Personally it seemed that he wanted to be coddled by his mom again, instead of having to cook for himself, which we had been alternating days since I had gotten there.
So, tonight I'm packing my shit and going back to the insane asylum of my Uncle's place. My grandmother isn't there, so at the very least I won't have to deal with her insanity, but I will have to put up with the weird 70s and hermaphrodite porn that my uncle so loves.
Oh boy.
Thursday, August 04, 2005
My son loves me
I talked to Frankie tonight.
I had actually gotten the opportunity to talk to him on Saturday, just before I went to work, but tonight was great.
I spent about an hour and a half talking to him, just laughing together. He told me about his school friends, his girlfriend Maite (he's down to one, maybe he's looking to settle in his old age LOL), and he told me about a hundred times that he misses me and that he loves me.
He's such a great boy, understands and speaks both English and Spanish, and according to my dad, understands Italian too, but I think dad may just be a gloating and exaggerating grandpa.
I'm gonna talk to him on the weekend again.
I had actually gotten the opportunity to talk to him on Saturday, just before I went to work, but tonight was great.
I spent about an hour and a half talking to him, just laughing together. He told me about his school friends, his girlfriend Maite (he's down to one, maybe he's looking to settle in his old age LOL), and he told me about a hundred times that he misses me and that he loves me.
He's such a great boy, understands and speaks both English and Spanish, and according to my dad, understands Italian too, but I think dad may just be a gloating and exaggerating grandpa.
I'm gonna talk to him on the weekend again.
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
How well do you guys and gals know me?
I have decided to follow Venessa's lead and post a quiz for all my loyal readers to try.
I made a Quiz for you! Take my Quiz! and then Check out the Scoreboard!
Good luck all!
I made a Quiz for you! Take my Quiz! and then Check out the Scoreboard!
Good luck all!
Men get aroused, and I'm a man, therefore..........
I found out a friend of mine has this interesting talent.
She can write erotica!
Needless to say I was surprised at this, and as is typical for a male, mildly aroused.
The big surprise came when I actually read the story, or part of the story she wrote. It was quite explicit at times, and at all times extremely hot.
Now, what might have been my reaction to, not only this surprising revelation, but reading the actual piece of art? If you're a guy, you know very well what my reaction was. If you're a woman, you know very well what my reaction was.
I was flabbergasted, and very turned on by this story. I realize as I write this, that this is actually quite an embarassing and explicit thing to admit over the internet, but then again, I started this blog to let the world know what was going on with me.
When I told my friend about my reactions, she laughed, of course, but you could tell that she was pleased that a simple story of hers could arouse me.
The story is fairly well written. It flip-flops from 1st person perspective to 3rd and then back. There are some grammatical errors, and some spelling mistakes, but on the whole it's a very solid piece, for a beginner.
Now, to be honest, I've read quite a bit of erotica (I think I posted a similar comment before, but it's worth reiterating) so I, as well as any other guy, can tell what can get us horny. Most erotica out there generally go for the "fuck me now you hot thing, shove it deep now!" kind of story. Although my friend's story does have that kind of moment, there is a very sensual build up to those moments, and they have a distinct realistic feel about them.
I highly recommend her story, and any other to follow, go check it out!
The Conference
She can write erotica!
Needless to say I was surprised at this, and as is typical for a male, mildly aroused.
The big surprise came when I actually read the story, or part of the story she wrote. It was quite explicit at times, and at all times extremely hot.
Now, what might have been my reaction to, not only this surprising revelation, but reading the actual piece of art? If you're a guy, you know very well what my reaction was. If you're a woman, you know very well what my reaction was.
I was flabbergasted, and very turned on by this story. I realize as I write this, that this is actually quite an embarassing and explicit thing to admit over the internet, but then again, I started this blog to let the world know what was going on with me.
When I told my friend about my reactions, she laughed, of course, but you could tell that she was pleased that a simple story of hers could arouse me.
The story is fairly well written. It flip-flops from 1st person perspective to 3rd and then back. There are some grammatical errors, and some spelling mistakes, but on the whole it's a very solid piece, for a beginner.
Now, to be honest, I've read quite a bit of erotica (I think I posted a similar comment before, but it's worth reiterating) so I, as well as any other guy, can tell what can get us horny. Most erotica out there generally go for the "fuck me now you hot thing, shove it deep now!" kind of story. Although my friend's story does have that kind of moment, there is a very sensual build up to those moments, and they have a distinct realistic feel about them.
I highly recommend her story, and any other to follow, go check it out!
The Conference
Maybe a big ass night out is what i need
I was almost invited out tonight.
Now, many of you may be asking "How can someone almost be invited out? You are invited or you aren't" right? wrong.
Up until tonight I would have agreed with each and every one of you, but tonight I was almost invited out.
I was chatting with someone on cam tonight and throughout the conversation I was constantly complimenting her on her looks. Now I know you, my blog friends, haven't seen her, but this woman is a vision of beauty. She makes me think of the sheer beauty of a park in winter after the first snowfall. You just stare in awe at her.
At one point she told me that she will be going out with a few friends tomorrow night for some drinks.
And then she asked me what I was going to be doing tomorrow. When I responded that I would be working, she asked me what time I get off work. My damned luck has it that tomorrow I have to stay a couple of hours later, to help a friend.
It was an implied invitation, but one I couldn't accept, to my dismay. I honestly want to go be with her, talk to her, have a drink with her, stare into her eyes all night. But just my luck I decided to do a friend a favour.
Have I lost my chance, did I miss the crucial opportunity? God I hope not.
For those of you who read my blog with any sort of frequency (and who the hell knows why you do since I don't really have anything interesting to say, just a hell of a lot of ramblings) may have noticed that my emotional situation is like a yo-yo, especially with a certain someone.
The main reason I keep at it is simple. I have to. Ka, fate, destiny has shown me who I am meant to be with, and if it weren't for certain situations, I'm sure that we would already be together (wishful thinking? definitely, but I hold out hope). But I can't just turn around. I have to continue to show her how I feel. If she ever tells me "Stop, go away" I will. I have no desire to disrespect her wishes.
I know we can be happy.
Now, many of you may be asking "How can someone almost be invited out? You are invited or you aren't" right? wrong.
Up until tonight I would have agreed with each and every one of you, but tonight I was almost invited out.
I was chatting with someone on cam tonight and throughout the conversation I was constantly complimenting her on her looks. Now I know you, my blog friends, haven't seen her, but this woman is a vision of beauty. She makes me think of the sheer beauty of a park in winter after the first snowfall. You just stare in awe at her.
At one point she told me that she will be going out with a few friends tomorrow night for some drinks.
And then she asked me what I was going to be doing tomorrow. When I responded that I would be working, she asked me what time I get off work. My damned luck has it that tomorrow I have to stay a couple of hours later, to help a friend.
It was an implied invitation, but one I couldn't accept, to my dismay. I honestly want to go be with her, talk to her, have a drink with her, stare into her eyes all night. But just my luck I decided to do a friend a favour.
Have I lost my chance, did I miss the crucial opportunity? God I hope not.
For those of you who read my blog with any sort of frequency (and who the hell knows why you do since I don't really have anything interesting to say, just a hell of a lot of ramblings) may have noticed that my emotional situation is like a yo-yo, especially with a certain someone.
The main reason I keep at it is simple. I have to. Ka, fate, destiny has shown me who I am meant to be with, and if it weren't for certain situations, I'm sure that we would already be together (wishful thinking? definitely, but I hold out hope). But I can't just turn around. I have to continue to show her how I feel. If she ever tells me "Stop, go away" I will. I have no desire to disrespect her wishes.
I know we can be happy.
Monday, August 01, 2005
Women!
What is it about women that drives us men insane???
Sex? Love? Desire? Tits? Asses?
I don't have the answer. I'm just as mystified as any other man out there. And any man who says he has the answer, is either clinically insane, or lying, or both.
Yes, we do want sex. Yes, in some cases, we do want love. We do desire women (at least some guys do).
Physicality? Definitely, but it's not the end all and be all. Women's physical attributes are definitely something wonderful, but their emotional attributes, personality traits, that's what make women truly desireable.
There is one woman who drives me nuts. She makes me feel crazy, she makes me laugh, she makes me cry, she hurts me, she makes me feel good about myself. She does all these things and so much more. But I still don't get it.
I know what I want. She may think I want somethinge else, but strangely enough, sex is secondary, or even tertiary in my desires.
I enjoy our conversations, even when they're about nothing. I want to talk to her constantly, but sometimes she doesn't want to or straight out can't.
She sometimes ignores me, and backs off almost completely, this confuses me to no end, but I also understand it completely. She's scared and I know this. She's my friend, and I know this. I would like more, I do admit that completely, and even if I haven't told her that recently, she knows it.
She tells me the most beautiful things about herself. She thinks that these things are embarrassing or dumb, but I see how these things have shaped the woman she is.
At times I foolishly think that there is more to her words. I see possibilities where I know there can be none. I see emotional attachment, where I know there to be none. Her words, her laughter, her hesitations, her "hmmm's" they speak volumes to me, but these volumes mean either nothing or everything.
What do I understand? Absolutely nothing. I can't. It's impossible to truly know the heart of another. I can only know what she tells me. I can rely only on that, and on my hunches.
At the end of the day, I'm still a confused, scared, embarrassed guy, standing near the wall at a dance, hoping some girl will see him and say "Hi, wanna dance?"
Aren't we all?
Sex? Love? Desire? Tits? Asses?
I don't have the answer. I'm just as mystified as any other man out there. And any man who says he has the answer, is either clinically insane, or lying, or both.
Yes, we do want sex. Yes, in some cases, we do want love. We do desire women (at least some guys do).
Physicality? Definitely, but it's not the end all and be all. Women's physical attributes are definitely something wonderful, but their emotional attributes, personality traits, that's what make women truly desireable.
There is one woman who drives me nuts. She makes me feel crazy, she makes me laugh, she makes me cry, she hurts me, she makes me feel good about myself. She does all these things and so much more. But I still don't get it.
I know what I want. She may think I want somethinge else, but strangely enough, sex is secondary, or even tertiary in my desires.
I enjoy our conversations, even when they're about nothing. I want to talk to her constantly, but sometimes she doesn't want to or straight out can't.
She sometimes ignores me, and backs off almost completely, this confuses me to no end, but I also understand it completely. She's scared and I know this. She's my friend, and I know this. I would like more, I do admit that completely, and even if I haven't told her that recently, she knows it.
She tells me the most beautiful things about herself. She thinks that these things are embarrassing or dumb, but I see how these things have shaped the woman she is.
At times I foolishly think that there is more to her words. I see possibilities where I know there can be none. I see emotional attachment, where I know there to be none. Her words, her laughter, her hesitations, her "hmmm's" they speak volumes to me, but these volumes mean either nothing or everything.
What do I understand? Absolutely nothing. I can't. It's impossible to truly know the heart of another. I can only know what she tells me. I can rely only on that, and on my hunches.
At the end of the day, I'm still a confused, scared, embarrassed guy, standing near the wall at a dance, hoping some girl will see him and say "Hi, wanna dance?"
Aren't we all?
What memories!
I received an email from an old friend. I haven't spoken to her in maybe 15 years.
We went to elementary school together, and were in high school together for a year. At the time, PJ and I were pretty good friends. I was always good friends with the good looking girls I knew. It's my curse.
Well, hearing from her got me remembering my elementary school years, which I remember quite vividly, surprisingly enough.
I remember one event that will always stand out, and PJ was there to witness it.
I was maybe 12 or 13 at the time, it was winter, and it was cold. Really, really fucking cold. I was waiting at the bus stop with my friends, and I was all decked out in "mom dressed me" winter wear, thick jacket, cap, gloves, and scarf. That damned scarf.
Well, I had been kinda flirting/annoying this girl, who was supposedly the school slut. Never had any proof that she was, but when you're 13 you listen to the rumours, you don't wonder if they're true or not. This girl, Lisa, was a year older than me, and knew very well that I was hot for her (at that age, all guys are hot for any girl, but we don't have a fucking clue what to do, so all we can imagine are furtive touches and maybe a glimpse of a tit or something).
So knowing this, she teased me alot. And when you're in elementary school, the teasing consists of a lot of play violence. That dreaded morning, she came up behind me and grabbed my scarf, and pulled it tight around my neck.
I freaked. I really don't remember what I thought had happened, but the next thing I knew I was twirling around with my hand wide open, and I hit her cheek.
Thankfully her cheek was fine, but her nose exploded. Literally.
I don't know what the fuck happened, but it was blood everywhere. I seriously wigged out. And obviously Lisa was screaming.
She ran home, to get her mom and step-dad, and I got on the bus and went to school, all the while mumbling to myself, "Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit".
When I got off the bus that afternoon, PJ was with me. We were talking and walking back to our respective houses. When we were passing Lisa's house, her step-dad came out.
Oh boy, was he pissed. I started apologizing immediately, trying to make up for what I had done. He would have none of it, so he started yelling at me right there in the street. It's a little daunting for a 13 year old to have an adult call him a "pathetic little mother fucker asshole who will never do anything worthwile in his life".
I just stared at him. I really didn't care what he was saying, so I stared at him. All I cared was that I had hurt Lisa, and I didn't like the idea of hurting anyone.
When he finished yelling he said something to the effect of "Do you get me you little cheap ass cock sucker?"
I looked at him and said (and this may have been the most insane thing I've ever done) "Stay away from me you shit licking asshole. I know what you do to Lisa, and if you ever come near me again, I'll go to the cops."
I turned around and went home.
The next day at school, PJ had told a few people, since she watched the whole scene. And since rumours travel faster than the Concorde used to, by the end of the week, not only had I stood up to a supposed pedophile, I had also beat the shit out of him, and laughed while doing it.
I could never get anyone to believe the true story, but all of a sudden I had a rep at school. Stopped getting bullied, stopped being picked on in general.
And PJ? Well, she became famous just for being my friend.
So to you PJ, thanks for being my friend back then. And thanks for making me badder than Rambo!
We went to elementary school together, and were in high school together for a year. At the time, PJ and I were pretty good friends. I was always good friends with the good looking girls I knew. It's my curse.
Well, hearing from her got me remembering my elementary school years, which I remember quite vividly, surprisingly enough.
I remember one event that will always stand out, and PJ was there to witness it.
I was maybe 12 or 13 at the time, it was winter, and it was cold. Really, really fucking cold. I was waiting at the bus stop with my friends, and I was all decked out in "mom dressed me" winter wear, thick jacket, cap, gloves, and scarf. That damned scarf.
Well, I had been kinda flirting/annoying this girl, who was supposedly the school slut. Never had any proof that she was, but when you're 13 you listen to the rumours, you don't wonder if they're true or not. This girl, Lisa, was a year older than me, and knew very well that I was hot for her (at that age, all guys are hot for any girl, but we don't have a fucking clue what to do, so all we can imagine are furtive touches and maybe a glimpse of a tit or something).
So knowing this, she teased me alot. And when you're in elementary school, the teasing consists of a lot of play violence. That dreaded morning, she came up behind me and grabbed my scarf, and pulled it tight around my neck.
I freaked. I really don't remember what I thought had happened, but the next thing I knew I was twirling around with my hand wide open, and I hit her cheek.
Thankfully her cheek was fine, but her nose exploded. Literally.
I don't know what the fuck happened, but it was blood everywhere. I seriously wigged out. And obviously Lisa was screaming.
She ran home, to get her mom and step-dad, and I got on the bus and went to school, all the while mumbling to myself, "Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit".
When I got off the bus that afternoon, PJ was with me. We were talking and walking back to our respective houses. When we were passing Lisa's house, her step-dad came out.
Oh boy, was he pissed. I started apologizing immediately, trying to make up for what I had done. He would have none of it, so he started yelling at me right there in the street. It's a little daunting for a 13 year old to have an adult call him a "pathetic little mother fucker asshole who will never do anything worthwile in his life".
I just stared at him. I really didn't care what he was saying, so I stared at him. All I cared was that I had hurt Lisa, and I didn't like the idea of hurting anyone.
When he finished yelling he said something to the effect of "Do you get me you little cheap ass cock sucker?"
I looked at him and said (and this may have been the most insane thing I've ever done) "Stay away from me you shit licking asshole. I know what you do to Lisa, and if you ever come near me again, I'll go to the cops."
I turned around and went home.
The next day at school, PJ had told a few people, since she watched the whole scene. And since rumours travel faster than the Concorde used to, by the end of the week, not only had I stood up to a supposed pedophile, I had also beat the shit out of him, and laughed while doing it.
I could never get anyone to believe the true story, but all of a sudden I had a rep at school. Stopped getting bullied, stopped being picked on in general.
And PJ? Well, she became famous just for being my friend.
So to you PJ, thanks for being my friend back then. And thanks for making me badder than Rambo!
The owner of the company is a moron, but I watched movies.
I had to work this weekend.
Originally I was supposed to work Saturday morning at 10 am until Sunday morning 10 am. So when I get here on Saturday morning, am I surprised to discover that someone else has also been given that shift? OF COURSE NOT!!! Because the owner of the company is a moron!
He actually double booked a shift and then forgot to tell me, so there I am, after my grandpa had taken time out to take me to work, and I get to go home again. Not that I mind going home, but I do mind that they made me waste my time.
So I had to go back in that Saturday night. Actually didn't fall asleep, which is a good thing. But I've really, truly noticed how boring the internet is, when you don't have anyone to chat with. I miss my friend quite a bit, moreso than even she understands, and there was noone else to chat with at 4 in the morning. And after a while, you've visited all the sites you normally visit, and porn is boring (after getting inundated with it, believe me, it loses its luster). So I ended up watching movies.
Meet the Fockers was a cute movie, but not as good as the original Meet the Parents.
The Island was a very enjoyable movie, but I knew how it would turn out after 5 minutes into it. And that's kind of annoying.
Seed of Chucky is a foolish and useless movie, but I actually enjoyed it. It was campy, and dumb, but good for a chuckle with all of it's foolish moments. Watching Jennifer Tilly being inseminated with a Turkey baster was definitely one of the high points of my year. LOL
So, watch movies, enjoy life, and get some sleep. That's my motto for work.
Originally I was supposed to work Saturday morning at 10 am until Sunday morning 10 am. So when I get here on Saturday morning, am I surprised to discover that someone else has also been given that shift? OF COURSE NOT!!! Because the owner of the company is a moron!
He actually double booked a shift and then forgot to tell me, so there I am, after my grandpa had taken time out to take me to work, and I get to go home again. Not that I mind going home, but I do mind that they made me waste my time.
So I had to go back in that Saturday night. Actually didn't fall asleep, which is a good thing. But I've really, truly noticed how boring the internet is, when you don't have anyone to chat with. I miss my friend quite a bit, moreso than even she understands, and there was noone else to chat with at 4 in the morning. And after a while, you've visited all the sites you normally visit, and porn is boring (after getting inundated with it, believe me, it loses its luster). So I ended up watching movies.
Meet the Fockers was a cute movie, but not as good as the original Meet the Parents.
The Island was a very enjoyable movie, but I knew how it would turn out after 5 minutes into it. And that's kind of annoying.
Seed of Chucky is a foolish and useless movie, but I actually enjoyed it. It was campy, and dumb, but good for a chuckle with all of it's foolish moments. Watching Jennifer Tilly being inseminated with a Turkey baster was definitely one of the high points of my year. LOL
So, watch movies, enjoy life, and get some sleep. That's my motto for work.
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