Confusion and Hope

At times we're layered with confusion that leaves us unable to act. Frozen and scared to move or say anything. Is this what we choose to do? Do we consciously decide not to move forward, just as we conciously decide to move forward? If that is so, is it because of fear?

I know I'm rambling. I'm just trying to make sense of emotions that sometimes make no sense. Make sense of conversations that confuse and bewilder.

I saw a movie once (okay a few dozen times) which proposed the idea that we do not choose the people we love, fate shows us the way to them through signs and we have to recognize and take advantage of those signs. But what if I'm the only one that sees the signs? Or recognizes them? Does that mean that love is not meant to be? Or do we have to continue to try?

I really don't know.

I do know that I'm scared. I shouldn't be feeling all these things, and yet I do. I should be sensible and not continue, but my heart pushes me forward. And God help me, I want to be pushed by my heart. I don't want to listen to my sensible side.

But I'm not the only one in this. I have to consider the other side of this. I must. Even if it means sadness.

I know we can be happy, I just don't know if she wants to.

I apologize for those reading this who were so confuzzled (thank you Cowgirl for that cool word) as to not understand a freaking word I said, but I do appreciate those who have gotten this far without their brains melting, you are good friends to read and care.

And to you, (you know who you are), if you understood my confusion understand that I also understand your confusion. I am here, I always will be.