The first part of Saturday was nice. Fabiana called me and asked me if I wanted to go with her and Frankie to pick up his school uniform. Of course I said yes.
I met them downtown, which is only about 5 blocks from where I work. There we went into the shop where they sell his school uniform. It's a gorgeous outfit. There's a dark red overcoat (actually thinner than an overcoat, here it's called a Tunica). And under that he wears a sports outfit. Blue and white track pants with a t-shirt of the same colour.
He seemed to like his uniform. I thought it was gorgeous.
After that we went for a walk on the main street of Montevideo, 18 de Julio. Frankie was in the mood for Hot Dogs, so we went to a restaurant that specializes in Hot Dogs. Frankie ate 4.
Finally Fabiana told me that Frankie wanted to spend the day with me and possibly the night. I loved the idea, so I told her of course. I took Frankie to my grandparent's place, and there I found Hell on Earth.
My Grandmother is having problems with her bank account in Canada (my suspicion is that the problem that has arisen is that my uncle has emptied her bank account). So she's travelling to Canada today to try and fix whatever happened. The problem is that both my Grandmother and Grandfather were fighting like mad dogs.
I didn't like the idea of Frankie being in that environment. So later that night I took him back to his Mom's place. I seriously wanted to stay with Frankie, and we had had a nice day together. Went to McDonald's, went to the park, also went for a walk on the beach. Very nice, and he loved it. But I took him to his home. And that's when my night went to shit.
After I dropped Frankie off at home, I got a call from one of my work mates, Bert. He wanted to go for some beer and pool. I thought it was a great idea, but I didn't want to spend too much money, since I had just gotten paid, and I need to pay some bills.
I have no idea, to be honest, what happened, but we got sooooo drunk. Too much beer. Next thing I know we're at this whore-house. Bert wanted to get laid. I just wanted to go to sleep. So while he was waiting for the next available hooker, we kept drinking.
It was a total fuck up. I spent all of my money that night!
I'm so fucking pissed at myself for being such an idiot.
Shit.
I got home at noon on Sunday, with a serious fucking hangover, and almost no money. And my grandparents were still fighting.
I slept for about 7 hours, and woke up with a worse hangover. Took a shower, and popped some Tylenol.
I'm still pissed at myself. It's not like I blew thousands of dollars, it was U$S70. But still, here in Uruguay, that's some nice change. And I blew it all on beer and pool. Not even a shitty ass hooker.
Shit.
Monday, February 27, 2006
Thursday, February 23, 2006
Target Sales
I have to try to make 3 sales a day.
That's what my boss told me yesterday in a meeting. 3 sales per day is the objective, and we've been averaging 1 or 2 sales per day.
The campaign we're working on is sales for an online pharmaceutical company in the US. My first 9 days on the job I made 19 sales, and considering that I had never worked in telemarketing before, that was a pretty decent level. But, as of yesterday I've only made 27 sales.
Why haven't I made our target sales? I could blame the annoying bitch who sits next to me, to whom I had to explain 5 times (YES! 5 times!!!) how to use the mouse. I could blame the shitty database we have, which is already repeating names. I could blame my constant preocupation with finding a new place to live. But, no I won't. I'm to blame, noone else. I've been slacking. I have to admit that to myself and here, even if I won't admit it anywhere else. Instead of pushing the sales, I've been lazy. I guess I don't feel comfortable selling.
I know the psychology of sales fairly well, and I'm fairly convincing with people. But even so I haven't really been trying.
So last night after getting home. I lay in bed for maybe 2 hours just staring at the ceiling. I focused my mind, and told myself that today I will be making 7 sales, and that will be my minimum for the last few days of this month.
This is not a goal, this is a fact.
I will leave aside my laziness, my lack of focus, and make these 7 sales per day, so that my boss will know that I can do this. I will do this.
There is no doubt in my mind.
That's what my boss told me yesterday in a meeting. 3 sales per day is the objective, and we've been averaging 1 or 2 sales per day.
The campaign we're working on is sales for an online pharmaceutical company in the US. My first 9 days on the job I made 19 sales, and considering that I had never worked in telemarketing before, that was a pretty decent level. But, as of yesterday I've only made 27 sales.
Why haven't I made our target sales? I could blame the annoying bitch who sits next to me, to whom I had to explain 5 times (YES! 5 times!!!) how to use the mouse. I could blame the shitty database we have, which is already repeating names. I could blame my constant preocupation with finding a new place to live. But, no I won't. I'm to blame, noone else. I've been slacking. I have to admit that to myself and here, even if I won't admit it anywhere else. Instead of pushing the sales, I've been lazy. I guess I don't feel comfortable selling.
I know the psychology of sales fairly well, and I'm fairly convincing with people. But even so I haven't really been trying.
So last night after getting home. I lay in bed for maybe 2 hours just staring at the ceiling. I focused my mind, and told myself that today I will be making 7 sales, and that will be my minimum for the last few days of this month.
This is not a goal, this is a fact.
I will leave aside my laziness, my lack of focus, and make these 7 sales per day, so that my boss will know that I can do this. I will do this.
There is no doubt in my mind.
Everything costs money...
How could we ever survive without some form of currency these days?
This question pops into my head constantly these days since I ran out of cash. I got paid last about a week and a half ago the days that I worked in January, which weren't many. But the money is already gone.
I spent most of it last Saturday with Frankie (and didn't mind doing that one bit). I also spent quite a bit on my Saturday night date with Betty, which did leave me thinking as to why.
But since Monday I've been out of cash, and trying to survive without it. It's not an extremely difficult task for me, since food and board are provided to me by my grandmother. But transport is troublesome without money.
Luckily my grandparent's place is only about 20 blocks from my workplace, so I walk to and fro.
But still, if I wanted to buy a Coke, for example, it would be out of my league. Or even a bag of chips for that matter.
So I started thinking, how would we ever survive in this world without some form of currency, hard cash. Would we slip back to the days of bartering? Would we fall into anarchistic tendencies, taking whatever we needed from wherever we found it? This may seem a little extreme, but it makes you wonder.
Consider this...The basic necessities of life are Food, a roof over our heads and clothes. Someone to share this with is obviously desired, but not an absolute necessity. But to get all of these basic necessities in today's society, requires money. So does that make money a more important necessity than food?
We need money to survive. We need money to thrive. We need money, period.
Every one of us works with the supposition that we do so so that we will be able to provide ourselves or our families with those basic necessities, but in reality, we're working to achieve the economic possibility of providing those basic necessities. Money comes first.
I have a friend here at work who currently has no family. He's living in a low budget boarding house, where he lives with 4 other guys in one single room. If, God forbid, he didn't have money to pay for his food and boarding, he wouldn't have the support that I do. He doesn't have a grandmother who will have a hot plate of food waiting for him everytime he gets home. If he doesn't have the money to pay for his boarding, he won't have a place to sleep. This makes the necessity of money all the more important for him.
So, how could we survive? Many people obviously do. But it would be through tremendous hardship.
I don't know if I'm strong enough to survive that way. And that's a scary thought.
This question pops into my head constantly these days since I ran out of cash. I got paid last about a week and a half ago the days that I worked in January, which weren't many. But the money is already gone.
I spent most of it last Saturday with Frankie (and didn't mind doing that one bit). I also spent quite a bit on my Saturday night date with Betty, which did leave me thinking as to why.
But since Monday I've been out of cash, and trying to survive without it. It's not an extremely difficult task for me, since food and board are provided to me by my grandmother. But transport is troublesome without money.
Luckily my grandparent's place is only about 20 blocks from my workplace, so I walk to and fro.
But still, if I wanted to buy a Coke, for example, it would be out of my league. Or even a bag of chips for that matter.
So I started thinking, how would we ever survive in this world without some form of currency, hard cash. Would we slip back to the days of bartering? Would we fall into anarchistic tendencies, taking whatever we needed from wherever we found it? This may seem a little extreme, but it makes you wonder.
Consider this...The basic necessities of life are Food, a roof over our heads and clothes. Someone to share this with is obviously desired, but not an absolute necessity. But to get all of these basic necessities in today's society, requires money. So does that make money a more important necessity than food?
We need money to survive. We need money to thrive. We need money, period.
Every one of us works with the supposition that we do so so that we will be able to provide ourselves or our families with those basic necessities, but in reality, we're working to achieve the economic possibility of providing those basic necessities. Money comes first.
I have a friend here at work who currently has no family. He's living in a low budget boarding house, where he lives with 4 other guys in one single room. If, God forbid, he didn't have money to pay for his food and boarding, he wouldn't have the support that I do. He doesn't have a grandmother who will have a hot plate of food waiting for him everytime he gets home. If he doesn't have the money to pay for his boarding, he won't have a place to sleep. This makes the necessity of money all the more important for him.
So, how could we survive? Many people obviously do. But it would be through tremendous hardship.
I don't know if I'm strong enough to survive that way. And that's a scary thought.
Monday, February 20, 2006
Enjoying Frankie & Carnaval!
What a great time I had on Saturday!
Seriously, Saturday was an amazing time for me.
I decided to go pick Frankie up in the morning and take him to the mall. We went for breakfast at McDonald's, I had an Egg McMuffin, while Frankie had Hotcakes with strawberry syrup on them.
Then we went shopping for a couple of toys that I had promised him. He inevitably picks the same toys, so I had to convince him to buy something different. He ended up buying a Spider-Man web shooter glove, and a figure of the Green Goblin. His face was such a wonderful thing to see. Happy and full of joy :D
I asked him at that point what he wanted to do, and he said "Papa let's go see a movie". I was all for that, so I took him to see The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. What an amazing movie!
The story itself is much more for a young adult audience, than a 3 and a half year old child, but Frankie followed the movie perfectly, enjoying it every step of the way. I highly recommend this movie to adults and children alike.
After the movie, Frankie was getting tired, so I took him back home, and he went to take a nap.
I went back to my grandparent's place (couldn't move to a new place that I had found for several foolish and annoying reasons, so I'm still looking) and decided to take a nap myself. I wasn't in bed for more than 10 minutes when the telephone rang. It was Betty (my gf, so to speak, although we haven't defined our relationship in the least).
She called to invite me to a Tablado. Some of you might be wondering, what the heck is that? Well let me give you a breakdown.
During the end of summer season, here in Uruguay, there is a festivity called Carnaval which is the second largest carnival celebration in the world after the Brazilian celebration. The celebration takes place for nearly the entire month before the period of Lent in Uruguay. There are parades, bands, comedians, and costumes consuming the streets at all hours.
There are many different theories of when and where the celebration Carnival originated. The most well known was in Iraq. Iraq had a five-day ritual for the Momo king. The roles of society were switched and one of the lowest members of society would become king for five days. He would then be killed and the people were liberated from all evil. Christian culture has since adapted rituals that occurred before Lent and all of Europe celebrated some type of Carnival big or small. Carnaval in Uruguay is a very important part of the black population, which is very significant. Around the early 1900’s Candombe music, which was created by black slaves in Uruguay became part of the celebration.
Today Carnaval in Uruguay specifically Montevideo month long party. This party is initiated by 2 parades, 1 called El Desfile de Carnaval (The Carnaval Parade) and another called El Desfile de las Llamadas (The Calling Parade). The entire city shuts down for the entire week before the forty days of Lent. Almost 300,000 citizens of Uruguay flock to the capital city to become a part of the tradition every year.
After these 2 parades, there are daily presentations of groups and bands that have performed in each of the parades. These daily presentations are called Tablados (literally meaning Stages, which is where the groups and bands perform). There are several of these groups, these being: Murgas, Comparsas, Lubolos, Humoristas, Parodistas, and Revistas. What you find most at these Tablados are Murgas and Comparsas.
Normally both are musical groups, with strong social and political criticism in their songs. As well as incredible humour. This is not slapstick humour where a pie in the face will make you laugh your ass off, this is political, social, parodist humour.
Saturday night was the first time I had gone to one of these in 20 years. And to be honest, I barely remember the last time.
I quite literally laughed all night, until 3 am, when the show ended. It was absolutely amazing, and I am definitely going to repeat the experience.
After the show, I went to Betty's place, where we talked for a while, and then we went to bed. Literally.
I still don't really know what to think of this woman. I'm attracted to her, but not amazingly attracted, like I am to Veronica. Is it wrong of me to have sex with her when I'm more attracted to another woman?
Am I cheating on Betty just by being attracted to Veronica?
I really don't know. But at least I had fun this weekend :)
Seriously, Saturday was an amazing time for me.
I decided to go pick Frankie up in the morning and take him to the mall. We went for breakfast at McDonald's, I had an Egg McMuffin, while Frankie had Hotcakes with strawberry syrup on them.
Then we went shopping for a couple of toys that I had promised him. He inevitably picks the same toys, so I had to convince him to buy something different. He ended up buying a Spider-Man web shooter glove, and a figure of the Green Goblin. His face was such a wonderful thing to see. Happy and full of joy :D
I asked him at that point what he wanted to do, and he said "Papa let's go see a movie". I was all for that, so I took him to see The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. What an amazing movie!
The story itself is much more for a young adult audience, than a 3 and a half year old child, but Frankie followed the movie perfectly, enjoying it every step of the way. I highly recommend this movie to adults and children alike.
After the movie, Frankie was getting tired, so I took him back home, and he went to take a nap.
I went back to my grandparent's place (couldn't move to a new place that I had found for several foolish and annoying reasons, so I'm still looking) and decided to take a nap myself. I wasn't in bed for more than 10 minutes when the telephone rang. It was Betty (my gf, so to speak, although we haven't defined our relationship in the least).
She called to invite me to a Tablado. Some of you might be wondering, what the heck is that? Well let me give you a breakdown.
During the end of summer season, here in Uruguay, there is a festivity called Carnaval which is the second largest carnival celebration in the world after the Brazilian celebration. The celebration takes place for nearly the entire month before the period of Lent in Uruguay. There are parades, bands, comedians, and costumes consuming the streets at all hours.
There are many different theories of when and where the celebration Carnival originated. The most well known was in Iraq. Iraq had a five-day ritual for the Momo king. The roles of society were switched and one of the lowest members of society would become king for five days. He would then be killed and the people were liberated from all evil. Christian culture has since adapted rituals that occurred before Lent and all of Europe celebrated some type of Carnival big or small. Carnaval in Uruguay is a very important part of the black population, which is very significant. Around the early 1900’s Candombe music, which was created by black slaves in Uruguay became part of the celebration.
Today Carnaval in Uruguay specifically Montevideo month long party. This party is initiated by 2 parades, 1 called El Desfile de Carnaval (The Carnaval Parade) and another called El Desfile de las Llamadas (The Calling Parade). The entire city shuts down for the entire week before the forty days of Lent. Almost 300,000 citizens of Uruguay flock to the capital city to become a part of the tradition every year.
After these 2 parades, there are daily presentations of groups and bands that have performed in each of the parades. These daily presentations are called Tablados (literally meaning Stages, which is where the groups and bands perform). There are several of these groups, these being: Murgas, Comparsas, Lubolos, Humoristas, Parodistas, and Revistas. What you find most at these Tablados are Murgas and Comparsas.
Normally both are musical groups, with strong social and political criticism in their songs. As well as incredible humour. This is not slapstick humour where a pie in the face will make you laugh your ass off, this is political, social, parodist humour.
Saturday night was the first time I had gone to one of these in 20 years. And to be honest, I barely remember the last time.
I quite literally laughed all night, until 3 am, when the show ended. It was absolutely amazing, and I am definitely going to repeat the experience.
After the show, I went to Betty's place, where we talked for a while, and then we went to bed. Literally.
I still don't really know what to think of this woman. I'm attracted to her, but not amazingly attracted, like I am to Veronica. Is it wrong of me to have sex with her when I'm more attracted to another woman?
Am I cheating on Betty just by being attracted to Veronica?
I really don't know. But at least I had fun this weekend :)
Friday, February 17, 2006
An overwhelming feeling of being in an oven...
The heat here is overbearing.
Temperature wise it's not that hot for a Uruguayan summer, only 32º C, but the humidity is at 98% and that's just killer.
I decided to walk to work today, to save on the bus fare, but also to get a bit of excercise. Boy o boy, was that a bad idea!
5 minutes after I left my grandparent's I was drenched in sweat, and considering that it's about a 25 minute walk to work, I was seriously soaked.
The walk over is a nice one, especially on a nice sunny day like this one, but the humidity ruins the enjoyment.
Arriving at work, at the very least there was a nice breeze, which helped. But once I got into the office, holy shit!
It felt at least 5º hotter in the office than it did outside.
Now, here I am sitting in front of my computer, trying to get some sales (I wanna get at least 4 more sales today before I leave), and talking to Veronica.
I just hope I don't melt away before my shift ends.
Temperature wise it's not that hot for a Uruguayan summer, only 32º C, but the humidity is at 98% and that's just killer.
I decided to walk to work today, to save on the bus fare, but also to get a bit of excercise. Boy o boy, was that a bad idea!
5 minutes after I left my grandparent's I was drenched in sweat, and considering that it's about a 25 minute walk to work, I was seriously soaked.
The walk over is a nice one, especially on a nice sunny day like this one, but the humidity ruins the enjoyment.
Arriving at work, at the very least there was a nice breeze, which helped. But once I got into the office, holy shit!
It felt at least 5º hotter in the office than it did outside.
Now, here I am sitting in front of my computer, trying to get some sales (I wanna get at least 4 more sales today before I leave), and talking to Veronica.
I just hope I don't melt away before my shift ends.
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
My heart as it seems to be...
Love is a many splendoured thing, especially for those who are in love.
We walk through our lives with only one hope. To enjoy the company of someone who enjoy's our company. Granted, there are some people in the world who want to be alone, but it is my firm belief that this desire for solitude, is born out of harshness lived. I may be wrong, and I may not be.
I currently find myself in an interesting situation. For the past two or three weeks I have been dating a woman I met here in Uruguay. We get along fairly well, and the sex is good (yes, I'm actually having sex, hell hath frozen over). But I've become attracted to a woman at work. She's a few years younger than I am, and we're just getting to know each other, so I don't know where it could lead, if anywhere. But confusion abounds.
I cannot in all honesty say that I am in love, with either one. That would be foolish of me. But the attraction I feel for the woman at work, whom I will call Veronica, is quite strong. And to be honest, it is a different kind of attraction than what I feel for the woman I've been dating (let's call her Betty).
(I seem to be following a strange Archie Comics theme here)
With Betty, the attraction is solely physical. While with Veronica, I don't know what kind of attraction it is, since I'm just getting to know her.
I'm on the horns of a dillemna. And as my father would say "Watch how you sit on them".
Any thoughts out there?
Either way, I figure the best way to understand love, and the possibility of falling in love again is to know more about how I love. So following the desire to learn more about myself in the matter of love, I followed the suggestion of a friend, and went to Blogthings and decided to find out what my Candy Heart would say. I wasn't too surprised.
Now I leave it for all of you to see.
We walk through our lives with only one hope. To enjoy the company of someone who enjoy's our company. Granted, there are some people in the world who want to be alone, but it is my firm belief that this desire for solitude, is born out of harshness lived. I may be wrong, and I may not be.
I currently find myself in an interesting situation. For the past two or three weeks I have been dating a woman I met here in Uruguay. We get along fairly well, and the sex is good (yes, I'm actually having sex, hell hath frozen over). But I've become attracted to a woman at work. She's a few years younger than I am, and we're just getting to know each other, so I don't know where it could lead, if anywhere. But confusion abounds.
I cannot in all honesty say that I am in love, with either one. That would be foolish of me. But the attraction I feel for the woman at work, whom I will call Veronica, is quite strong. And to be honest, it is a different kind of attraction than what I feel for the woman I've been dating (let's call her Betty).
(I seem to be following a strange Archie Comics theme here)
With Betty, the attraction is solely physical. While with Veronica, I don't know what kind of attraction it is, since I'm just getting to know her.
I'm on the horns of a dillemna. And as my father would say "Watch how you sit on them".
Any thoughts out there?
Either way, I figure the best way to understand love, and the possibility of falling in love again is to know more about how I love. So following the desire to learn more about myself in the matter of love, I followed the suggestion of a friend, and went to Blogthings and decided to find out what my Candy Heart would say. I wasn't too surprised.
Now I leave it for all of you to see.
| Your Candy Heart Says "First Kiss" |
 Your ideal Valentine's Day date: a romantic dinner your sweetie cooks for you Your flirting style: friendly and sweet What turns you off: cynics who don't believe in romance Why you're hot: you always keep the romance alive |
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
Happy Valentine's Day to all!
I leave you all with a wonderful quote I found earlier this morning.
It pretty much sums up what I feel regarding love.
"Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with it."
--Unknown
Monday, February 13, 2006
My Resolution
And it's a good one.
I know that at the very least one person will be happy!
I've decided that beginning today, and with this post, I will be updating and posting in my blog at the very least once every 2 days.
I miss my blog. I used to post in here daily if not more. But since I arrived in Uruguay, I've been lax with my blog. My best friend has pointed this out to me on several different occasions.
The reasons as to the lack of posts are simple. While I was in Canada, I was inspired. I had things happening to me daily that garnered my creativity in my posts.
Since I arrived here in Uruguay, my life has been rutinary, boring, even depressing. Which has not inspired me to write in my blog.
But now. Even if I have no inspiration, I will seek it out. (And just to keep those of you who actually read my blog interested, I do have some points of inspiration ;-) )
You will be enthralled, you will be amazed, you will be appalled at times as well, but you will be reading me again!
Enjoy!
I know that at the very least one person will be happy!
I've decided that beginning today, and with this post, I will be updating and posting in my blog at the very least once every 2 days.
I miss my blog. I used to post in here daily if not more. But since I arrived in Uruguay, I've been lax with my blog. My best friend has pointed this out to me on several different occasions.
The reasons as to the lack of posts are simple. While I was in Canada, I was inspired. I had things happening to me daily that garnered my creativity in my posts.
Since I arrived here in Uruguay, my life has been rutinary, boring, even depressing. Which has not inspired me to write in my blog.
But now. Even if I have no inspiration, I will seek it out. (And just to keep those of you who actually read my blog interested, I do have some points of inspiration ;-) )
You will be enthralled, you will be amazed, you will be appalled at times as well, but you will be reading me again!
Enjoy!
Monday, January 16, 2006
A miniscule update
Hey all.
Haven't blogged for awhile. There is good reason for that.
First of all Happy New year to all. Hope you enjoyed the end of 2005 and beginning of 2006.
There hasn't been much to blog about, since my life has become a routine of looking for work and not finding it, living with my grandmother and seeing Frankie a couple of times a week.
This last week was really tough since I hadn't seen Frankie at all. I've been helping my grandmother fix the new house she bought, in which I will hopefully not live if I can find work again.
Luckily I made some time yesterday to go pick up Frankie and spend the day with him. Since it's been raining cats and dogs here for a whole week (the weather is seriously fucked up) I took him to one of the malls in Montevideo. Specifically Montevideo Shopping Center (I know, really original name, but it was the first mall to open up here in 1993). While there I took him to McDonald's and he spent at least 4 hours playing in the play area. He had a great time.
I then decided to take him to see a movie. Originally we were going to see The Chronicles of Narnia, but then he saw the poster for Valiant and chose that.
It was a great little movie, about the Carrier Pidgeon service during WWII. Apparently based on true facts, but obviously from the pidgeon perspective. Frankie loved it.
I then took him back to his home and made my way back to my grandma's place.
We had a seriously great time together.
This whole non-work situation has my nerves wracked. I just can't believe I can't get a job. I think I'm going nuts.
I've sent literally dozens of resumés out, but no responses, and that sucks. I'm well qualified for pretty much anything and yet I can't find work. My parents think that I'm over-qualified for work here, since I've worked at IBM, as an English teacher, at an Embassy, at a Call center, as well as other jobs.
I swore yesterday on the bus going home that I am going to find work this week, and find a place to live next week. I HAVE TO!
But everything I want to do depends on my finding work first.
Damn that!
I want to do sooooooo much, but until I find work I can't.
The only thing I can do is not lose hope.
Haven't blogged for awhile. There is good reason for that.
First of all Happy New year to all. Hope you enjoyed the end of 2005 and beginning of 2006.
There hasn't been much to blog about, since my life has become a routine of looking for work and not finding it, living with my grandmother and seeing Frankie a couple of times a week.
This last week was really tough since I hadn't seen Frankie at all. I've been helping my grandmother fix the new house she bought, in which I will hopefully not live if I can find work again.
Luckily I made some time yesterday to go pick up Frankie and spend the day with him. Since it's been raining cats and dogs here for a whole week (the weather is seriously fucked up) I took him to one of the malls in Montevideo. Specifically Montevideo Shopping Center (I know, really original name, but it was the first mall to open up here in 1993). While there I took him to McDonald's and he spent at least 4 hours playing in the play area. He had a great time.
I then decided to take him to see a movie. Originally we were going to see The Chronicles of Narnia, but then he saw the poster for Valiant and chose that.
It was a great little movie, about the Carrier Pidgeon service during WWII. Apparently based on true facts, but obviously from the pidgeon perspective. Frankie loved it.
I then took him back to his home and made my way back to my grandma's place.
We had a seriously great time together.
This whole non-work situation has my nerves wracked. I just can't believe I can't get a job. I think I'm going nuts.
I've sent literally dozens of resumés out, but no responses, and that sucks. I'm well qualified for pretty much anything and yet I can't find work. My parents think that I'm over-qualified for work here, since I've worked at IBM, as an English teacher, at an Embassy, at a Call center, as well as other jobs.
I swore yesterday on the bus going home that I am going to find work this week, and find a place to live next week. I HAVE TO!
But everything I want to do depends on my finding work first.
Damn that!
I want to do sooooooo much, but until I find work I can't.
The only thing I can do is not lose hope.
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
Shit holing fucking money sucks!
Well, guess things are worse than I thought.
Moving in with my grandmother, because I now have no place to live.
And to top it all off, I have just used my last few coins to come to the cyber cafe to send a couple of emails and blog.
I don't know when I'll be back again, but I hope it'll be soon.
Money's non-existant, and I'm gonna have to ask my parents for money to pay for Frankie's Christmas present.
I don't want to be a downer for everyone though. I seriously hope you all have a great Christmas, Hanukkah, whatever. And a great New Year.
Love to all.
Moving in with my grandmother, because I now have no place to live.
And to top it all off, I have just used my last few coins to come to the cyber cafe to send a couple of emails and blog.
I don't know when I'll be back again, but I hope it'll be soon.
Money's non-existant, and I'm gonna have to ask my parents for money to pay for Frankie's Christmas present.
I don't want to be a downer for everyone though. I seriously hope you all have a great Christmas, Hanukkah, whatever. And a great New Year.
Love to all.
Which Superhero are you?
I found this on the Superman Homepage, and decided to take it.
Your results:
You are Superman
Click here to take the "Which Superhero are you?" quiz...
This kind of fits perfectly with me!!! :D
Try it and find out!
Your results:
You are Superman
| You are mild-mannered, good, strong and you love to help others.  |
This kind of fits perfectly with me!!! :D
Try it and find out!
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
After a long wait, I'm back, with a non-death in the family!
Have you waited for me? I don't know, maybe.
But as my best friend pointed out to me, not 10 minutes ago, to write in this blog I must write in this blog, to write about "what's in my head, no matter what".
Where to begin, oh where to begin??
Let's start with my life.
Unfortunately I lost my job, this sucks serious bananas. Moron bosses didn't want to pay me what was agreed upon, and they wanted to withold the money either way, so I told them to find someone else. Now I'm looking like crazy, because if I don't find a job very very very soon, I'm gonna have to live with my grandmother (OH GOD, not again!!!!!).
Frankie and I are having a great time together. He's such a smart kid. Day before yesterday, he and I were playing in front of my parents summer house, when he asked me "Papa, what's nothing?"
How the hell do you quantify "nothing" to a 3 year old!??? It's such a deep question. Shows he's got more brains than his old man.
On another note, I met this amazing woman a few weeks ago. Met her through a Uruguayan chat. She and I click on sooooo many levels. She's a year older than me, she's finishing her pre-law degree (here in Uruguay it's the equivalent of being a Notary Public), and she lives close to my parent's summer home.
We have a great time together, and we care for each other, but we're both coming off long term relationships, and we both have a lot going on in our heads. This woman fills my thoughts, I long to call her constantly, just being near her makes me smile.
Just so I could spend some time with her I've been helping her study for her finals. Yesterday we were together about 4 hours, studied for about 3 hours and just talked for the last hour. I was floating.
On to other news...
Yesterday, once I got to my parent's place, I said hi to my mom and I noticed that she had been crying. I asked her what was wrong, and she asked me if I knew Frank. I was floored, the only Frank I know is mine and Gabe's friend in Canada. When I told her yes, that he was a friend in Canada, she then asked me if Frank was gay. I had no idea where this was coming from, but I explained that Frank was anything but gay, he's married and has a young child, he cheats on his wife constantly, but always with women. At that point my mom says "Gabe's mom committed suicide on Wednesday". This was all coming out of left field.
I was floored.
Apparently my dad had received an email that Gabe sent, congratulating my sister on Joaquin's birth, and then added that his mom had killed herself. He then went on to explain that he and Frank had become very close this past year. He wished everyone a Merry Christmas and that was it. My parents believed that she had caught Gabe and Frank in a sexual situation, and had been so distraught that she had killed herself.
I freaked.
I didn't think it was possible for his mom to have killed herself, and I knew for a fact that neither Gabe or Frank were gay, quite the contrary, they're both very homophobic and macho to the point of trying to screw every woman that passes in front of their eyes. So I rushed to a Cyber Cafe, to check my email and read this letter for myself.
When I finally read it, I understood.
My father, who is a very smart man, but was never great at reading English, had read the email wrong. Gabe had wrote "On a sadder note my best friends Mom killed herself on Wednesday".
My dad, translating into spanish in his head, read "On a sadder note, my friends, Mom killed herself on Wednesday".
I rushed to a phone and explained to everyone that Gabe's mom was very much alive, that it was Frank's mom who had committed suicide.
We were all very relieved.
That being said, I would like to add something. I know that Frank does not know about this blog, and neither does Gabe, but this must be said. My heartfelt condolences go out to Frank's family during this sad time for them. Frank was a very good friend while I was in Canada, and I am quite sad that he and his family must go through this during the holiday seasons. All my love goes out to you.
So as a final point I say this: During this holiday season, hold your loved ones close, cherish the moments you have with them, because we never know how many moments we will have with them. I plan to do this wholeheartedly. Regrettably, I won't be spending Christmas with Frankie, since he will be with his Mom and her family, so I will be spending Christmas alone. I prefer it this way, since it will be my first Christmas without Frankie since he was born, but I will cherish to the max every moment with him.
Love your loved ones without reservations. Show them, tell them, enjoy them.
But as my best friend pointed out to me, not 10 minutes ago, to write in this blog I must write in this blog, to write about "what's in my head, no matter what".
Where to begin, oh where to begin??
Let's start with my life.
Unfortunately I lost my job, this sucks serious bananas. Moron bosses didn't want to pay me what was agreed upon, and they wanted to withold the money either way, so I told them to find someone else. Now I'm looking like crazy, because if I don't find a job very very very soon, I'm gonna have to live with my grandmother (OH GOD, not again!!!!!).
Frankie and I are having a great time together. He's such a smart kid. Day before yesterday, he and I were playing in front of my parents summer house, when he asked me "Papa, what's nothing?"
How the hell do you quantify "nothing" to a 3 year old!??? It's such a deep question. Shows he's got more brains than his old man.
On another note, I met this amazing woman a few weeks ago. Met her through a Uruguayan chat. She and I click on sooooo many levels. She's a year older than me, she's finishing her pre-law degree (here in Uruguay it's the equivalent of being a Notary Public), and she lives close to my parent's summer home.
We have a great time together, and we care for each other, but we're both coming off long term relationships, and we both have a lot going on in our heads. This woman fills my thoughts, I long to call her constantly, just being near her makes me smile.
Just so I could spend some time with her I've been helping her study for her finals. Yesterday we were together about 4 hours, studied for about 3 hours and just talked for the last hour. I was floating.
On to other news...
Yesterday, once I got to my parent's place, I said hi to my mom and I noticed that she had been crying. I asked her what was wrong, and she asked me if I knew Frank. I was floored, the only Frank I know is mine and Gabe's friend in Canada. When I told her yes, that he was a friend in Canada, she then asked me if Frank was gay. I had no idea where this was coming from, but I explained that Frank was anything but gay, he's married and has a young child, he cheats on his wife constantly, but always with women. At that point my mom says "Gabe's mom committed suicide on Wednesday". This was all coming out of left field.
I was floored.
Apparently my dad had received an email that Gabe sent, congratulating my sister on Joaquin's birth, and then added that his mom had killed herself. He then went on to explain that he and Frank had become very close this past year. He wished everyone a Merry Christmas and that was it. My parents believed that she had caught Gabe and Frank in a sexual situation, and had been so distraught that she had killed herself.
I freaked.
I didn't think it was possible for his mom to have killed herself, and I knew for a fact that neither Gabe or Frank were gay, quite the contrary, they're both very homophobic and macho to the point of trying to screw every woman that passes in front of their eyes. So I rushed to a Cyber Cafe, to check my email and read this letter for myself.
When I finally read it, I understood.
My father, who is a very smart man, but was never great at reading English, had read the email wrong. Gabe had wrote "On a sadder note my best friends Mom killed herself on Wednesday".
My dad, translating into spanish in his head, read "On a sadder note, my friends, Mom killed herself on Wednesday".
I rushed to a phone and explained to everyone that Gabe's mom was very much alive, that it was Frank's mom who had committed suicide.
We were all very relieved.
That being said, I would like to add something. I know that Frank does not know about this blog, and neither does Gabe, but this must be said. My heartfelt condolences go out to Frank's family during this sad time for them. Frank was a very good friend while I was in Canada, and I am quite sad that he and his family must go through this during the holiday seasons. All my love goes out to you.
So as a final point I say this: During this holiday season, hold your loved ones close, cherish the moments you have with them, because we never know how many moments we will have with them. I plan to do this wholeheartedly. Regrettably, I won't be spending Christmas with Frankie, since he will be with his Mom and her family, so I will be spending Christmas alone. I prefer it this way, since it will be my first Christmas without Frankie since he was born, but I will cherish to the max every moment with him.
Love your loved ones without reservations. Show them, tell them, enjoy them.
Thursday, December 01, 2005
HNT #3
A gorgeous and beautiful child, my wonderful nephew. An added bonus, that's his dad's hand. Pic taken by me :D
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Getting laid is tough!
How annoying is sex when you're not having any?
EXTREMELY!
You think about it constantly. Every word between two people seems to have sexual connotations.
Every look you give seems leacherous, hell they are leacherous!
Not to mention "alone time". It's freaking constant!
I have known people in my life (especially this last year) who have an ease about them regarding the opposite sex. Something I have never been able to master. They are able to have sex with someone without there being any emotional attachment. Since my sexual experiences are extremely limited, this is difficult for me. I guess I equate sex with love, or vice versa.
I had one situation years and years ago, in which I had met a woman. This meeting was purely sexual (NO, it was not a hooker). I found this woman extremely attractive, and apparently she found me attractive (She must have had something wrong with her eyes). But when it came down to it, I couldn't maintain an erection (You have no idea how embarassing this is for me to admit).
I couldn't understand it. She was hot, she turned me on. She would tell me all the things that she wanted to do with me, and even so, nothing!
I finally figured out that it was because there was no emotional attachment. Nothing. She was a very nice, kind woman, but I didn't love her.
So how does one fuck someone if they're not in love? I'm the wrong guy to ask.
Either way the point is moot. To even try to have sex with someone, you have to have someone to have sex with, which I do not.
And that sucks.
Even worse, finding someone is very, very hard!
I'm not the best looking guy, I'm getting divorced, I have a son and I'm a foreigner in this country, add all these up and you get a guy who's becoming a born again virgin!
That sucks.
So how is this remedied?
I have no fucking clue! Normally I'd ask for advice, but who the hell should I ask advice from?
No female friends here to ask. My best friend is in another country. So I guess I'm stuck with the old 5 finger shuffle.
Lucky me.
EXTREMELY!
You think about it constantly. Every word between two people seems to have sexual connotations.
Every look you give seems leacherous, hell they are leacherous!
Not to mention "alone time". It's freaking constant!
I have known people in my life (especially this last year) who have an ease about them regarding the opposite sex. Something I have never been able to master. They are able to have sex with someone without there being any emotional attachment. Since my sexual experiences are extremely limited, this is difficult for me. I guess I equate sex with love, or vice versa.
I had one situation years and years ago, in which I had met a woman. This meeting was purely sexual (NO, it was not a hooker). I found this woman extremely attractive, and apparently she found me attractive (She must have had something wrong with her eyes). But when it came down to it, I couldn't maintain an erection (You have no idea how embarassing this is for me to admit).
I couldn't understand it. She was hot, she turned me on. She would tell me all the things that she wanted to do with me, and even so, nothing!
I finally figured out that it was because there was no emotional attachment. Nothing. She was a very nice, kind woman, but I didn't love her.
So how does one fuck someone if they're not in love? I'm the wrong guy to ask.
Either way the point is moot. To even try to have sex with someone, you have to have someone to have sex with, which I do not.
And that sucks.
Even worse, finding someone is very, very hard!
I'm not the best looking guy, I'm getting divorced, I have a son and I'm a foreigner in this country, add all these up and you get a guy who's becoming a born again virgin!
That sucks.
So how is this remedied?
I have no fucking clue! Normally I'd ask for advice, but who the hell should I ask advice from?
No female friends here to ask. My best friend is in another country. So I guess I'm stuck with the old 5 finger shuffle.
Lucky me.
I miss my friend
You never really know what you have until you lose it.
Someone told me that once, and I never really believed it, until I lived it a dozen different ways this year.
While I was in Canada, I missed my son like crazy, cried myself to sleep most nights thinking of him. I missed my ex-wife (I was missing what our marriage had been, not what it had actually become), I missed being in Uruguay and my friends.
But now I'm here in Uruguay and I lost someone again. My best friend.
She and I met under the strangest circumstances, became friends under weirder ones, and even developed feelings for each other, despite our personal situations. And now that I'm here, I miss her like crazy.
We've barely chatted in month and a half that I've been here. I haven't seen her at all (not even through webcams) except for some HNT pics. And I miss her.
I had the best friend I could ever have imagined having while I was in Canada. I could talk to her about anything and everything. My ex, Frankie, work, women, family problems, desires, dreams, pain. Anything and everything.
She is the best person I have ever known.
And you know what? Despite her personal situations, I should have brought her with me!
Yes I should have. But now she's thousands of kilometers away.
What did I have? The bestest friend. What did I lose? Maybe everything.
How can I fix this?
Someone told me that once, and I never really believed it, until I lived it a dozen different ways this year.
While I was in Canada, I missed my son like crazy, cried myself to sleep most nights thinking of him. I missed my ex-wife (I was missing what our marriage had been, not what it had actually become), I missed being in Uruguay and my friends.
But now I'm here in Uruguay and I lost someone again. My best friend.
She and I met under the strangest circumstances, became friends under weirder ones, and even developed feelings for each other, despite our personal situations. And now that I'm here, I miss her like crazy.
We've barely chatted in month and a half that I've been here. I haven't seen her at all (not even through webcams) except for some HNT pics. And I miss her.
I had the best friend I could ever have imagined having while I was in Canada. I could talk to her about anything and everything. My ex, Frankie, work, women, family problems, desires, dreams, pain. Anything and everything.
She is the best person I have ever known.
And you know what? Despite her personal situations, I should have brought her with me!
Yes I should have. But now she's thousands of kilometers away.
What did I have? The bestest friend. What did I lose? Maybe everything.
How can I fix this?
Congratulate me!!!
Everyone definitely should!
On November 16th, 2005 at 2:26 pm Uruguay time I became an uncle!
My nephew's name is Joaquin and what a gorgeous boy he is!
His birth weight: 3.820 Kgs
He's a BIG boy hehehhehe.
That morning everything was quite normal, when at about 11:30 am I got a call on my cell phone that my sister had started having contractions. I kind of freaked.
I was taking care of Frankie at the time, but since my sister was only 3 cms dilated there was no rush. So Frankie took his afternoon nap (he's so cute while he's sleeping).
Once Frankie woke up I told him that we were going to see his new cousin. He was sooooo excited!
Packed him up (not in a suitcase, he's way too big for that :D) and took the bus to the Hospital (Here in Uruguay it's actually called Sanatorio since the term Hospital is for public medical centers).
Once we got there my dad filled me in. Joaquin had been born through C-section because he was positioned incorrectly for a normal birth. Nothing seriously dangerous, but since my sister wasn't even supposed to make it to term, her doctor didn't want to take any chances.
Another problem had arisen after Joaquin's birth. His body temp was a little low, and this apparently worried the doc. So they put him in an incubator so that his body temp would rise without worries.
He was sooooo gorgeous. A full head of black hair, and very beautiful dark brown eyes. According to everyone he has my mouth (weird I know, but Frankie has my sister's mouth).
I wasn't able to hold him that day because of the incubator, but I stared at him, took about 30 pictures (which I will be posting once my sister returns my camera), and even a couple of videos.
Once Frankie saw him it was like love at first sight. Frankie said to me "Papa, yo quiero mucho a mi primo Joaquin" (Translation "Papa, I love my cousin Joaquin alot").
Since then Frankie has told absolutely everyone he knows and meets about his little cousin Joaquin.
On November 16th, 2005 at 2:26 pm Uruguay time I became an uncle!
My nephew's name is Joaquin and what a gorgeous boy he is!
His birth weight: 3.820 Kgs
He's a BIG boy hehehhehe.
That morning everything was quite normal, when at about 11:30 am I got a call on my cell phone that my sister had started having contractions. I kind of freaked.
I was taking care of Frankie at the time, but since my sister was only 3 cms dilated there was no rush. So Frankie took his afternoon nap (he's so cute while he's sleeping).
Once Frankie woke up I told him that we were going to see his new cousin. He was sooooo excited!
Packed him up (not in a suitcase, he's way too big for that :D) and took the bus to the Hospital (Here in Uruguay it's actually called Sanatorio since the term Hospital is for public medical centers).
Once we got there my dad filled me in. Joaquin had been born through C-section because he was positioned incorrectly for a normal birth. Nothing seriously dangerous, but since my sister wasn't even supposed to make it to term, her doctor didn't want to take any chances.
Another problem had arisen after Joaquin's birth. His body temp was a little low, and this apparently worried the doc. So they put him in an incubator so that his body temp would rise without worries.
He was sooooo gorgeous. A full head of black hair, and very beautiful dark brown eyes. According to everyone he has my mouth (weird I know, but Frankie has my sister's mouth).
I wasn't able to hold him that day because of the incubator, but I stared at him, took about 30 pictures (which I will be posting once my sister returns my camera), and even a couple of videos.
Once Frankie saw him it was like love at first sight. Frankie said to me "Papa, yo quiero mucho a mi primo Joaquin" (Translation "Papa, I love my cousin Joaquin alot").
Since then Frankie has told absolutely everyone he knows and meets about his little cousin Joaquin.
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
I'm a horrible blogger
Since I got to Uruguay I've been a horrible blogger.
No, really, I have been.
Stop trying to convince me otherwise!
NO, REALLY!
Oh wait, that was my invisible friend trying to convince me.
What is for sure is that this past month here in Uruguay has been completely insane.
When I arrived here in Montevideo, I had decided to try and fight for the woman I love. But I was hurting her by doing that. So I have since decided I will no longer pursue her. She's happy, or at least she looks like she is. I don't think that this guy she's with is the right guy for her, but I do have to respect that she's happy. So, she and I will only be acquaintances and parents of a wonderful boy.
And me?
I'll search for my happiness.
To be honest, even though not being with her was painful, in the past 3 weeks the pain has all but disappeared. It's actually quite relaxing not to have to justify my every move with her, not to have her hovering over me watching every single move I make, not to have her mistrusting me.
So, I will be single. Maybe forever, maybe not. There is a woman that is quite interesting, that I've known for quite a while, but we're friends. I have no pretensions of being in a relationship now. I'm just going to enjoy life as much as I can, especially by spending time with Frankie.
Frankie. What a boy!
He tells me how much he loves me every 5 minutes. We spend a lot of time together, he sleeps over my place every now and then, and we have a great time. Anyone who sees him and spends time with him would automatically say that he's a clone of me. And I agree wholeheartedly.
Since being here, I have started working with an international company as a Call Center Supervisor. Pretty much doing exactly the same thing I was doing while I was in Canada! Love the job, seriously.
I have moved into a little apartment (my budget won't allow for more, yet). Luckily I already had a lot of furniture and appliances, since I just went and picked up almost everything that my ex-wife had. The stuff that I had bought went with me, and we divided up the things that were gifts. In the matter of the gifts, I got the Fridge, the TV, the Couches, my desk and the coffee maker. I kept my bed (although to be honest, I'm thinking of burning it, for reasons any of you may imagine), the stove was mine, as was the DVD player. So all I really need is a Dining room table, and maybe a microwave oven (she got the microwave in the split).
Unfortunately, I still don't have a phone or internet connection at my new place, but there are cyber cafés all over the place, but they aren't that cheap.
All things considered, it's not that bad here. It's a beautiful country, but I guess I'm lonely. I haven't hooked up with any of my old friend from down here, that girl I mentioned, we pretty much play phone tag alot. And I still haven't been able to get used to the time difference between Montevideo and Toronto so that I can chat with my best friend, or Steve or Ken, or even my cousins. Right now here, it's almost 11 am, but over there it's 8 am. That kind of time difference is really fucking up my friendships.
I know everything will settle in though.
I hope.
No, really, I have been.
Stop trying to convince me otherwise!
NO, REALLY!
Oh wait, that was my invisible friend trying to convince me.
What is for sure is that this past month here in Uruguay has been completely insane.
When I arrived here in Montevideo, I had decided to try and fight for the woman I love. But I was hurting her by doing that. So I have since decided I will no longer pursue her. She's happy, or at least she looks like she is. I don't think that this guy she's with is the right guy for her, but I do have to respect that she's happy. So, she and I will only be acquaintances and parents of a wonderful boy.
And me?
I'll search for my happiness.
To be honest, even though not being with her was painful, in the past 3 weeks the pain has all but disappeared. It's actually quite relaxing not to have to justify my every move with her, not to have her hovering over me watching every single move I make, not to have her mistrusting me.
So, I will be single. Maybe forever, maybe not. There is a woman that is quite interesting, that I've known for quite a while, but we're friends. I have no pretensions of being in a relationship now. I'm just going to enjoy life as much as I can, especially by spending time with Frankie.
Frankie. What a boy!
He tells me how much he loves me every 5 minutes. We spend a lot of time together, he sleeps over my place every now and then, and we have a great time. Anyone who sees him and spends time with him would automatically say that he's a clone of me. And I agree wholeheartedly.
Since being here, I have started working with an international company as a Call Center Supervisor. Pretty much doing exactly the same thing I was doing while I was in Canada! Love the job, seriously.
I have moved into a little apartment (my budget won't allow for more, yet). Luckily I already had a lot of furniture and appliances, since I just went and picked up almost everything that my ex-wife had. The stuff that I had bought went with me, and we divided up the things that were gifts. In the matter of the gifts, I got the Fridge, the TV, the Couches, my desk and the coffee maker. I kept my bed (although to be honest, I'm thinking of burning it, for reasons any of you may imagine), the stove was mine, as was the DVD player. So all I really need is a Dining room table, and maybe a microwave oven (she got the microwave in the split).
Unfortunately, I still don't have a phone or internet connection at my new place, but there are cyber cafés all over the place, but they aren't that cheap.
All things considered, it's not that bad here. It's a beautiful country, but I guess I'm lonely. I haven't hooked up with any of my old friend from down here, that girl I mentioned, we pretty much play phone tag alot. And I still haven't been able to get used to the time difference between Montevideo and Toronto so that I can chat with my best friend, or Steve or Ken, or even my cousins. Right now here, it's almost 11 am, but over there it's 8 am. That kind of time difference is really fucking up my friendships.
I know everything will settle in though.
I hope.
Friday, October 28, 2005
I know you all missed me!
Well, here I am.
Back after a while.
I'm sure you all want updates as to how it's going with the ex, but nope. I'm not giving updates yet. Mostly because it's not going.
But as promised, I bring you pics! Tons and tons of pics!
My trip here to Uruguay, my son, my son and more of my son. And some of Uruguay too.
Brief description to follow each pic.
This is my boarding gate at Lester B. Pearson International Airport in Toronto.
My trip was going to be a long one. I travelled from Toronto to Santiago, Chile, then from Santiago to Montevideo, Uruguay. Left Saturday October 15th at 11:55pm EST, arrived in Montevideo on Sunday October 16th at 5pm Uruguay time.
A blurry but visible image of the plane I was to travel on.
My carry-on luggage. Including a Batmobile I bought for Frankie.
The view outside my window as we were arriving in Chile.
Amazing views, don't you think? These are the Andes.
Pics of the Airport in Santiago de Chile.
This is the plane I would take from Chile to Montevideo. I had to wait 3 hours in the airport before I could board.
The view as we were arriving in Uruguay.
The Carrasco International Airport in Uruguay.
Arriving in Uruguay, one has to go through Migrations and Customs.
My wonderful Son, Francisco. I gave him that little bottle of water. I spent the first 2 hours in Uruguay holding him and crying.
My dad with Frankie and a set of Hot Wheels cars that I bought for my boy.
Frankie standing in front of my sister's pregnant belly. He talks to his little unborn cousin.
Isn't he gorgeous while he takes his nap?
These are pics of the view of the Montevideo Rambla. This is literally a street that runs the length of the coastline along the whole eastern coast of the country. It's filled with beaches and beautiful sights. These are taken from the neighbourhood of Pocitos, where I'm currently living.
Well, I hope you've all enjoyed these pics. Don't worry, more are to come.
I guess you could consider these HNT's but, not really. Either way, I'm ecstatic to be with my boy.
Back after a while.
I'm sure you all want updates as to how it's going with the ex, but nope. I'm not giving updates yet. Mostly because it's not going.
But as promised, I bring you pics! Tons and tons of pics!
My trip here to Uruguay, my son, my son and more of my son. And some of Uruguay too.
Brief description to follow each pic.
This is my boarding gate at Lester B. Pearson International Airport in Toronto.
My trip was going to be a long one. I travelled from Toronto to Santiago, Chile, then from Santiago to Montevideo, Uruguay. Left Saturday October 15th at 11:55pm EST, arrived in Montevideo on Sunday October 16th at 5pm Uruguay time.
A blurry but visible image of the plane I was to travel on.
My carry-on luggage. Including a Batmobile I bought for Frankie.
The view outside my window as we were arriving in Chile.
Amazing views, don't you think? These are the Andes.
Pics of the Airport in Santiago de Chile.
This is the plane I would take from Chile to Montevideo. I had to wait 3 hours in the airport before I could board.
The view as we were arriving in Uruguay.
The Carrasco International Airport in Uruguay.
Arriving in Uruguay, one has to go through Migrations and Customs.
My wonderful Son, Francisco. I gave him that little bottle of water. I spent the first 2 hours in Uruguay holding him and crying.
My dad with Frankie and a set of Hot Wheels cars that I bought for my boy.
Frankie standing in front of my sister's pregnant belly. He talks to his little unborn cousin.
Isn't he gorgeous while he takes his nap?
These are pics of the view of the Montevideo Rambla. This is literally a street that runs the length of the coastline along the whole eastern coast of the country. It's filled with beaches and beautiful sights. These are taken from the neighbourhood of Pocitos, where I'm currently living.
Well, I hope you've all enjoyed these pics. Don't worry, more are to come.
I guess you could consider these HNT's but, not really. Either way, I'm ecstatic to be with my boy.
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
I'm probably a huge idiot
I had a talk with my wife.
Jeez, am I ever foolish.
When I saw her again yesterday, things became very clear for me. I want her back. I've made that decision. I've no doubt that it's probably the dumbest thing I've ever done.
I told her.
We went out for a coffee, and she asked me why I came back. I always knew that I would see Frankie again no matter what. He's my son. And that is impossible to refute. I would be with him again no matter what!
But I could have arranged it so that Frankie could go to Canada. It would have been difficult, and would probably have taken a lot of time, but I could have done it.
So why did I come back?
Her.
It's always been her.
And I told her.
She says she's happy.
That may very well be true.
But I changed when I was in Canada. I used to be a not-nice person. I decided long ago to kill that person. My thoughts of actually hurting her boyfriend were a foolish childish lash-out.
My thoughts of hurting myself also were.
I may never succeed at my task. But I came back to win her back.
And I will do so or die trying.
I cannot make her choices for her. Her choice to love me or not to love me will be her choice and hers alone. But I can and will do everything to show her that I am the person for her. I am the only one in the world who loves her this much, has always loved her and will love her until the day she dies and beyond.
She asked me, and I accepted, that I not say anything to anyone else here in Uruguay (does this blog count?). But even if I don't breathe a word of my decision to anyone else, everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, will see what my decision is, just by my actions. They will see that with every step I take, I am committed to being with her.
I may never end up with her though.
Have I thought about that? Yes, definitely. And I have decided that if that happens, then so be it. I will fight until the day of my death for her love.
Do I realize that this may mean that I will never love again?
No, it does not mean this, because I know, and I always have known somewhere deep down (and I think most people have seen this, aside from my depressions) that I always have and always will love her. My love is secure.
What about her boyfriend?
He has committed some serious errors. Not only in how he initiated their relationship, but also in contact with me. But one thing is definite. He can't deal with me. He may very well wish to initiate a physical confrontation, I will do nothing to initiate one, but if this happens, rest assured I will end it.
What do I plan on doing?
Showing her how much I love her with everything I do. Showing her that I am not the selfish child I once was. I will not try to convince her. In fact I will not shower her with constant "I love you's" or "Be with me, I'm the one for you". My attitude and my actions will show her I am the one man she should be with.
Am I not disrespecting her decision by doing this?
That may be the opinion of some people out there. There is nothing I can do to avoid this. But I do not believe this to be the case. Her decision is, and always has been, her decision. If she chooses to ignore me for the rest of my natural (and unnatural) life, that is her choice, and I do respect that. But, my actions and decisions are my own.
Why don't I just let go and find love elsewhere?
I did try this. Many of you who read this blog know this. But there was no way I could give my heart over to someone else completely unless it were ready to be given. It was not, nor will it ever be. I believe that deep down, someone already knew this.
So, for better or for worse, and I do believe it to be for better, my life's path has been decided. I think I decided it on a fateful day in August of 1996, when a tall, gorgeous Uruguayan woman butted into an airplane line-up in front of me in Brazil.
And I've never been happier.
Jeez, am I ever foolish.
When I saw her again yesterday, things became very clear for me. I want her back. I've made that decision. I've no doubt that it's probably the dumbest thing I've ever done.
I told her.
We went out for a coffee, and she asked me why I came back. I always knew that I would see Frankie again no matter what. He's my son. And that is impossible to refute. I would be with him again no matter what!
But I could have arranged it so that Frankie could go to Canada. It would have been difficult, and would probably have taken a lot of time, but I could have done it.
So why did I come back?
Her.
It's always been her.
And I told her.
She says she's happy.
That may very well be true.
But I changed when I was in Canada. I used to be a not-nice person. I decided long ago to kill that person. My thoughts of actually hurting her boyfriend were a foolish childish lash-out.
My thoughts of hurting myself also were.
I may never succeed at my task. But I came back to win her back.
And I will do so or die trying.
I cannot make her choices for her. Her choice to love me or not to love me will be her choice and hers alone. But I can and will do everything to show her that I am the person for her. I am the only one in the world who loves her this much, has always loved her and will love her until the day she dies and beyond.
She asked me, and I accepted, that I not say anything to anyone else here in Uruguay (does this blog count?). But even if I don't breathe a word of my decision to anyone else, everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, will see what my decision is, just by my actions. They will see that with every step I take, I am committed to being with her.
I may never end up with her though.
Have I thought about that? Yes, definitely. And I have decided that if that happens, then so be it. I will fight until the day of my death for her love.
Do I realize that this may mean that I will never love again?
No, it does not mean this, because I know, and I always have known somewhere deep down (and I think most people have seen this, aside from my depressions) that I always have and always will love her. My love is secure.
What about her boyfriend?
He has committed some serious errors. Not only in how he initiated their relationship, but also in contact with me. But one thing is definite. He can't deal with me. He may very well wish to initiate a physical confrontation, I will do nothing to initiate one, but if this happens, rest assured I will end it.
What do I plan on doing?
Showing her how much I love her with everything I do. Showing her that I am not the selfish child I once was. I will not try to convince her. In fact I will not shower her with constant "I love you's" or "Be with me, I'm the one for you". My attitude and my actions will show her I am the one man she should be with.
Am I not disrespecting her decision by doing this?
That may be the opinion of some people out there. There is nothing I can do to avoid this. But I do not believe this to be the case. Her decision is, and always has been, her decision. If she chooses to ignore me for the rest of my natural (and unnatural) life, that is her choice, and I do respect that. But, my actions and decisions are my own.
Why don't I just let go and find love elsewhere?
I did try this. Many of you who read this blog know this. But there was no way I could give my heart over to someone else completely unless it were ready to be given. It was not, nor will it ever be. I believe that deep down, someone already knew this.
So, for better or for worse, and I do believe it to be for better, my life's path has been decided. I think I decided it on a fateful day in August of 1996, when a tall, gorgeous Uruguayan woman butted into an airplane line-up in front of me in Brazil.
And I've never been happier.
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