How annoying is sex when you're not having any?
EXTREMELY!
You think about it constantly. Every word between two people seems to have sexual connotations.
Every look you give seems leacherous, hell they are leacherous!
Not to mention "alone time". It's freaking constant!
I have known people in my life (especially this last year) who have an ease about them regarding the opposite sex. Something I have never been able to master. They are able to have sex with someone without there being any emotional attachment. Since my sexual experiences are extremely limited, this is difficult for me. I guess I equate sex with love, or vice versa.
I had one situation years and years ago, in which I had met a woman. This meeting was purely sexual (NO, it was not a hooker). I found this woman extremely attractive, and apparently she found me attractive (She must have had something wrong with her eyes). But when it came down to it, I couldn't maintain an erection (You have no idea how embarassing this is for me to admit).
I couldn't understand it. She was hot, she turned me on. She would tell me all the things that she wanted to do with me, and even so, nothing!
I finally figured out that it was because there was no emotional attachment. Nothing. She was a very nice, kind woman, but I didn't love her.
So how does one fuck someone if they're not in love? I'm the wrong guy to ask.
Either way the point is moot. To even try to have sex with someone, you have to have someone to have sex with, which I do not.
And that sucks.
Even worse, finding someone is very, very hard!
I'm not the best looking guy, I'm getting divorced, I have a son and I'm a foreigner in this country, add all these up and you get a guy who's becoming a born again virgin!
That sucks.
So how is this remedied?
I have no fucking clue! Normally I'd ask for advice, but who the hell should I ask advice from?
No female friends here to ask. My best friend is in another country. So I guess I'm stuck with the old 5 finger shuffle.
Lucky me.
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
I miss my friend
You never really know what you have until you lose it.
Someone told me that once, and I never really believed it, until I lived it a dozen different ways this year.
While I was in Canada, I missed my son like crazy, cried myself to sleep most nights thinking of him. I missed my ex-wife (I was missing what our marriage had been, not what it had actually become), I missed being in Uruguay and my friends.
But now I'm here in Uruguay and I lost someone again. My best friend.
She and I met under the strangest circumstances, became friends under weirder ones, and even developed feelings for each other, despite our personal situations. And now that I'm here, I miss her like crazy.
We've barely chatted in month and a half that I've been here. I haven't seen her at all (not even through webcams) except for some HNT pics. And I miss her.
I had the best friend I could ever have imagined having while I was in Canada. I could talk to her about anything and everything. My ex, Frankie, work, women, family problems, desires, dreams, pain. Anything and everything.
She is the best person I have ever known.
And you know what? Despite her personal situations, I should have brought her with me!
Yes I should have. But now she's thousands of kilometers away.
What did I have? The bestest friend. What did I lose? Maybe everything.
How can I fix this?
Someone told me that once, and I never really believed it, until I lived it a dozen different ways this year.
While I was in Canada, I missed my son like crazy, cried myself to sleep most nights thinking of him. I missed my ex-wife (I was missing what our marriage had been, not what it had actually become), I missed being in Uruguay and my friends.
But now I'm here in Uruguay and I lost someone again. My best friend.
She and I met under the strangest circumstances, became friends under weirder ones, and even developed feelings for each other, despite our personal situations. And now that I'm here, I miss her like crazy.
We've barely chatted in month and a half that I've been here. I haven't seen her at all (not even through webcams) except for some HNT pics. And I miss her.
I had the best friend I could ever have imagined having while I was in Canada. I could talk to her about anything and everything. My ex, Frankie, work, women, family problems, desires, dreams, pain. Anything and everything.
She is the best person I have ever known.
And you know what? Despite her personal situations, I should have brought her with me!
Yes I should have. But now she's thousands of kilometers away.
What did I have? The bestest friend. What did I lose? Maybe everything.
How can I fix this?
Congratulate me!!!
Everyone definitely should!
On November 16th, 2005 at 2:26 pm Uruguay time I became an uncle!
My nephew's name is Joaquin and what a gorgeous boy he is!
His birth weight: 3.820 Kgs
He's a BIG boy hehehhehe.
That morning everything was quite normal, when at about 11:30 am I got a call on my cell phone that my sister had started having contractions. I kind of freaked.
I was taking care of Frankie at the time, but since my sister was only 3 cms dilated there was no rush. So Frankie took his afternoon nap (he's so cute while he's sleeping).
Once Frankie woke up I told him that we were going to see his new cousin. He was sooooo excited!
Packed him up (not in a suitcase, he's way too big for that :D) and took the bus to the Hospital (Here in Uruguay it's actually called Sanatorio since the term Hospital is for public medical centers).
Once we got there my dad filled me in. Joaquin had been born through C-section because he was positioned incorrectly for a normal birth. Nothing seriously dangerous, but since my sister wasn't even supposed to make it to term, her doctor didn't want to take any chances.
Another problem had arisen after Joaquin's birth. His body temp was a little low, and this apparently worried the doc. So they put him in an incubator so that his body temp would rise without worries.
He was sooooo gorgeous. A full head of black hair, and very beautiful dark brown eyes. According to everyone he has my mouth (weird I know, but Frankie has my sister's mouth).
I wasn't able to hold him that day because of the incubator, but I stared at him, took about 30 pictures (which I will be posting once my sister returns my camera), and even a couple of videos.
Once Frankie saw him it was like love at first sight. Frankie said to me "Papa, yo quiero mucho a mi primo Joaquin" (Translation "Papa, I love my cousin Joaquin alot").
Since then Frankie has told absolutely everyone he knows and meets about his little cousin Joaquin.
On November 16th, 2005 at 2:26 pm Uruguay time I became an uncle!
My nephew's name is Joaquin and what a gorgeous boy he is!
His birth weight: 3.820 Kgs
He's a BIG boy hehehhehe.
That morning everything was quite normal, when at about 11:30 am I got a call on my cell phone that my sister had started having contractions. I kind of freaked.
I was taking care of Frankie at the time, but since my sister was only 3 cms dilated there was no rush. So Frankie took his afternoon nap (he's so cute while he's sleeping).
Once Frankie woke up I told him that we were going to see his new cousin. He was sooooo excited!
Packed him up (not in a suitcase, he's way too big for that :D) and took the bus to the Hospital (Here in Uruguay it's actually called Sanatorio since the term Hospital is for public medical centers).
Once we got there my dad filled me in. Joaquin had been born through C-section because he was positioned incorrectly for a normal birth. Nothing seriously dangerous, but since my sister wasn't even supposed to make it to term, her doctor didn't want to take any chances.
Another problem had arisen after Joaquin's birth. His body temp was a little low, and this apparently worried the doc. So they put him in an incubator so that his body temp would rise without worries.
He was sooooo gorgeous. A full head of black hair, and very beautiful dark brown eyes. According to everyone he has my mouth (weird I know, but Frankie has my sister's mouth).
I wasn't able to hold him that day because of the incubator, but I stared at him, took about 30 pictures (which I will be posting once my sister returns my camera), and even a couple of videos.
Once Frankie saw him it was like love at first sight. Frankie said to me "Papa, yo quiero mucho a mi primo Joaquin" (Translation "Papa, I love my cousin Joaquin alot").
Since then Frankie has told absolutely everyone he knows and meets about his little cousin Joaquin.
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
I'm a horrible blogger
Since I got to Uruguay I've been a horrible blogger.
No, really, I have been.
Stop trying to convince me otherwise!
NO, REALLY!
Oh wait, that was my invisible friend trying to convince me.
What is for sure is that this past month here in Uruguay has been completely insane.
When I arrived here in Montevideo, I had decided to try and fight for the woman I love. But I was hurting her by doing that. So I have since decided I will no longer pursue her. She's happy, or at least she looks like she is. I don't think that this guy she's with is the right guy for her, but I do have to respect that she's happy. So, she and I will only be acquaintances and parents of a wonderful boy.
And me?
I'll search for my happiness.
To be honest, even though not being with her was painful, in the past 3 weeks the pain has all but disappeared. It's actually quite relaxing not to have to justify my every move with her, not to have her hovering over me watching every single move I make, not to have her mistrusting me.
So, I will be single. Maybe forever, maybe not. There is a woman that is quite interesting, that I've known for quite a while, but we're friends. I have no pretensions of being in a relationship now. I'm just going to enjoy life as much as I can, especially by spending time with Frankie.
Frankie. What a boy!
He tells me how much he loves me every 5 minutes. We spend a lot of time together, he sleeps over my place every now and then, and we have a great time. Anyone who sees him and spends time with him would automatically say that he's a clone of me. And I agree wholeheartedly.
Since being here, I have started working with an international company as a Call Center Supervisor. Pretty much doing exactly the same thing I was doing while I was in Canada! Love the job, seriously.
I have moved into a little apartment (my budget won't allow for more, yet). Luckily I already had a lot of furniture and appliances, since I just went and picked up almost everything that my ex-wife had. The stuff that I had bought went with me, and we divided up the things that were gifts. In the matter of the gifts, I got the Fridge, the TV, the Couches, my desk and the coffee maker. I kept my bed (although to be honest, I'm thinking of burning it, for reasons any of you may imagine), the stove was mine, as was the DVD player. So all I really need is a Dining room table, and maybe a microwave oven (she got the microwave in the split).
Unfortunately, I still don't have a phone or internet connection at my new place, but there are cyber cafés all over the place, but they aren't that cheap.
All things considered, it's not that bad here. It's a beautiful country, but I guess I'm lonely. I haven't hooked up with any of my old friend from down here, that girl I mentioned, we pretty much play phone tag alot. And I still haven't been able to get used to the time difference between Montevideo and Toronto so that I can chat with my best friend, or Steve or Ken, or even my cousins. Right now here, it's almost 11 am, but over there it's 8 am. That kind of time difference is really fucking up my friendships.
I know everything will settle in though.
I hope.
No, really, I have been.
Stop trying to convince me otherwise!
NO, REALLY!
Oh wait, that was my invisible friend trying to convince me.
What is for sure is that this past month here in Uruguay has been completely insane.
When I arrived here in Montevideo, I had decided to try and fight for the woman I love. But I was hurting her by doing that. So I have since decided I will no longer pursue her. She's happy, or at least she looks like she is. I don't think that this guy she's with is the right guy for her, but I do have to respect that she's happy. So, she and I will only be acquaintances and parents of a wonderful boy.
And me?
I'll search for my happiness.
To be honest, even though not being with her was painful, in the past 3 weeks the pain has all but disappeared. It's actually quite relaxing not to have to justify my every move with her, not to have her hovering over me watching every single move I make, not to have her mistrusting me.
So, I will be single. Maybe forever, maybe not. There is a woman that is quite interesting, that I've known for quite a while, but we're friends. I have no pretensions of being in a relationship now. I'm just going to enjoy life as much as I can, especially by spending time with Frankie.
Frankie. What a boy!
He tells me how much he loves me every 5 minutes. We spend a lot of time together, he sleeps over my place every now and then, and we have a great time. Anyone who sees him and spends time with him would automatically say that he's a clone of me. And I agree wholeheartedly.
Since being here, I have started working with an international company as a Call Center Supervisor. Pretty much doing exactly the same thing I was doing while I was in Canada! Love the job, seriously.
I have moved into a little apartment (my budget won't allow for more, yet). Luckily I already had a lot of furniture and appliances, since I just went and picked up almost everything that my ex-wife had. The stuff that I had bought went with me, and we divided up the things that were gifts. In the matter of the gifts, I got the Fridge, the TV, the Couches, my desk and the coffee maker. I kept my bed (although to be honest, I'm thinking of burning it, for reasons any of you may imagine), the stove was mine, as was the DVD player. So all I really need is a Dining room table, and maybe a microwave oven (she got the microwave in the split).
Unfortunately, I still don't have a phone or internet connection at my new place, but there are cyber cafés all over the place, but they aren't that cheap.
All things considered, it's not that bad here. It's a beautiful country, but I guess I'm lonely. I haven't hooked up with any of my old friend from down here, that girl I mentioned, we pretty much play phone tag alot. And I still haven't been able to get used to the time difference between Montevideo and Toronto so that I can chat with my best friend, or Steve or Ken, or even my cousins. Right now here, it's almost 11 am, but over there it's 8 am. That kind of time difference is really fucking up my friendships.
I know everything will settle in though.
I hope.
Friday, October 28, 2005
I know you all missed me!
Well, here I am.
Back after a while.
I'm sure you all want updates as to how it's going with the ex, but nope. I'm not giving updates yet. Mostly because it's not going.
But as promised, I bring you pics! Tons and tons of pics!
My trip here to Uruguay, my son, my son and more of my son. And some of Uruguay too.
Brief description to follow each pic.
This is my boarding gate at Lester B. Pearson International Airport in Toronto.
My trip was going to be a long one. I travelled from Toronto to Santiago, Chile, then from Santiago to Montevideo, Uruguay. Left Saturday October 15th at 11:55pm EST, arrived in Montevideo on Sunday October 16th at 5pm Uruguay time.
A blurry but visible image of the plane I was to travel on.
My carry-on luggage. Including a Batmobile I bought for Frankie.
The view outside my window as we were arriving in Chile.
Amazing views, don't you think? These are the Andes.
Pics of the Airport in Santiago de Chile.
This is the plane I would take from Chile to Montevideo. I had to wait 3 hours in the airport before I could board.
The view as we were arriving in Uruguay.
The Carrasco International Airport in Uruguay.
Arriving in Uruguay, one has to go through Migrations and Customs.
My wonderful Son, Francisco. I gave him that little bottle of water. I spent the first 2 hours in Uruguay holding him and crying.
My dad with Frankie and a set of Hot Wheels cars that I bought for my boy.
Frankie standing in front of my sister's pregnant belly. He talks to his little unborn cousin.
Isn't he gorgeous while he takes his nap?
These are pics of the view of the Montevideo Rambla. This is literally a street that runs the length of the coastline along the whole eastern coast of the country. It's filled with beaches and beautiful sights. These are taken from the neighbourhood of Pocitos, where I'm currently living.
Well, I hope you've all enjoyed these pics. Don't worry, more are to come.
I guess you could consider these HNT's but, not really. Either way, I'm ecstatic to be with my boy.
Back after a while.
I'm sure you all want updates as to how it's going with the ex, but nope. I'm not giving updates yet. Mostly because it's not going.
But as promised, I bring you pics! Tons and tons of pics!
My trip here to Uruguay, my son, my son and more of my son. And some of Uruguay too.
Brief description to follow each pic.
This is my boarding gate at Lester B. Pearson International Airport in Toronto.
My trip was going to be a long one. I travelled from Toronto to Santiago, Chile, then from Santiago to Montevideo, Uruguay. Left Saturday October 15th at 11:55pm EST, arrived in Montevideo on Sunday October 16th at 5pm Uruguay time.
A blurry but visible image of the plane I was to travel on.
My carry-on luggage. Including a Batmobile I bought for Frankie.
The view outside my window as we were arriving in Chile.
Amazing views, don't you think? These are the Andes.
Pics of the Airport in Santiago de Chile.
This is the plane I would take from Chile to Montevideo. I had to wait 3 hours in the airport before I could board.
The view as we were arriving in Uruguay.
The Carrasco International Airport in Uruguay.
Arriving in Uruguay, one has to go through Migrations and Customs.
My wonderful Son, Francisco. I gave him that little bottle of water. I spent the first 2 hours in Uruguay holding him and crying.
My dad with Frankie and a set of Hot Wheels cars that I bought for my boy.
Frankie standing in front of my sister's pregnant belly. He talks to his little unborn cousin.
Isn't he gorgeous while he takes his nap?
These are pics of the view of the Montevideo Rambla. This is literally a street that runs the length of the coastline along the whole eastern coast of the country. It's filled with beaches and beautiful sights. These are taken from the neighbourhood of Pocitos, where I'm currently living.
Well, I hope you've all enjoyed these pics. Don't worry, more are to come.
I guess you could consider these HNT's but, not really. Either way, I'm ecstatic to be with my boy.
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
I'm probably a huge idiot
I had a talk with my wife.
Jeez, am I ever foolish.
When I saw her again yesterday, things became very clear for me. I want her back. I've made that decision. I've no doubt that it's probably the dumbest thing I've ever done.
I told her.
We went out for a coffee, and she asked me why I came back. I always knew that I would see Frankie again no matter what. He's my son. And that is impossible to refute. I would be with him again no matter what!
But I could have arranged it so that Frankie could go to Canada. It would have been difficult, and would probably have taken a lot of time, but I could have done it.
So why did I come back?
Her.
It's always been her.
And I told her.
She says she's happy.
That may very well be true.
But I changed when I was in Canada. I used to be a not-nice person. I decided long ago to kill that person. My thoughts of actually hurting her boyfriend were a foolish childish lash-out.
My thoughts of hurting myself also were.
I may never succeed at my task. But I came back to win her back.
And I will do so or die trying.
I cannot make her choices for her. Her choice to love me or not to love me will be her choice and hers alone. But I can and will do everything to show her that I am the person for her. I am the only one in the world who loves her this much, has always loved her and will love her until the day she dies and beyond.
She asked me, and I accepted, that I not say anything to anyone else here in Uruguay (does this blog count?). But even if I don't breathe a word of my decision to anyone else, everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, will see what my decision is, just by my actions. They will see that with every step I take, I am committed to being with her.
I may never end up with her though.
Have I thought about that? Yes, definitely. And I have decided that if that happens, then so be it. I will fight until the day of my death for her love.
Do I realize that this may mean that I will never love again?
No, it does not mean this, because I know, and I always have known somewhere deep down (and I think most people have seen this, aside from my depressions) that I always have and always will love her. My love is secure.
What about her boyfriend?
He has committed some serious errors. Not only in how he initiated their relationship, but also in contact with me. But one thing is definite. He can't deal with me. He may very well wish to initiate a physical confrontation, I will do nothing to initiate one, but if this happens, rest assured I will end it.
What do I plan on doing?
Showing her how much I love her with everything I do. Showing her that I am not the selfish child I once was. I will not try to convince her. In fact I will not shower her with constant "I love you's" or "Be with me, I'm the one for you". My attitude and my actions will show her I am the one man she should be with.
Am I not disrespecting her decision by doing this?
That may be the opinion of some people out there. There is nothing I can do to avoid this. But I do not believe this to be the case. Her decision is, and always has been, her decision. If she chooses to ignore me for the rest of my natural (and unnatural) life, that is her choice, and I do respect that. But, my actions and decisions are my own.
Why don't I just let go and find love elsewhere?
I did try this. Many of you who read this blog know this. But there was no way I could give my heart over to someone else completely unless it were ready to be given. It was not, nor will it ever be. I believe that deep down, someone already knew this.
So, for better or for worse, and I do believe it to be for better, my life's path has been decided. I think I decided it on a fateful day in August of 1996, when a tall, gorgeous Uruguayan woman butted into an airplane line-up in front of me in Brazil.
And I've never been happier.
Jeez, am I ever foolish.
When I saw her again yesterday, things became very clear for me. I want her back. I've made that decision. I've no doubt that it's probably the dumbest thing I've ever done.
I told her.
We went out for a coffee, and she asked me why I came back. I always knew that I would see Frankie again no matter what. He's my son. And that is impossible to refute. I would be with him again no matter what!
But I could have arranged it so that Frankie could go to Canada. It would have been difficult, and would probably have taken a lot of time, but I could have done it.
So why did I come back?
Her.
It's always been her.
And I told her.
She says she's happy.
That may very well be true.
But I changed when I was in Canada. I used to be a not-nice person. I decided long ago to kill that person. My thoughts of actually hurting her boyfriend were a foolish childish lash-out.
My thoughts of hurting myself also were.
I may never succeed at my task. But I came back to win her back.
And I will do so or die trying.
I cannot make her choices for her. Her choice to love me or not to love me will be her choice and hers alone. But I can and will do everything to show her that I am the person for her. I am the only one in the world who loves her this much, has always loved her and will love her until the day she dies and beyond.
She asked me, and I accepted, that I not say anything to anyone else here in Uruguay (does this blog count?). But even if I don't breathe a word of my decision to anyone else, everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, will see what my decision is, just by my actions. They will see that with every step I take, I am committed to being with her.
I may never end up with her though.
Have I thought about that? Yes, definitely. And I have decided that if that happens, then so be it. I will fight until the day of my death for her love.
Do I realize that this may mean that I will never love again?
No, it does not mean this, because I know, and I always have known somewhere deep down (and I think most people have seen this, aside from my depressions) that I always have and always will love her. My love is secure.
What about her boyfriend?
He has committed some serious errors. Not only in how he initiated their relationship, but also in contact with me. But one thing is definite. He can't deal with me. He may very well wish to initiate a physical confrontation, I will do nothing to initiate one, but if this happens, rest assured I will end it.
What do I plan on doing?
Showing her how much I love her with everything I do. Showing her that I am not the selfish child I once was. I will not try to convince her. In fact I will not shower her with constant "I love you's" or "Be with me, I'm the one for you". My attitude and my actions will show her I am the one man she should be with.
Am I not disrespecting her decision by doing this?
That may be the opinion of some people out there. There is nothing I can do to avoid this. But I do not believe this to be the case. Her decision is, and always has been, her decision. If she chooses to ignore me for the rest of my natural (and unnatural) life, that is her choice, and I do respect that. But, my actions and decisions are my own.
Why don't I just let go and find love elsewhere?
I did try this. Many of you who read this blog know this. But there was no way I could give my heart over to someone else completely unless it were ready to be given. It was not, nor will it ever be. I believe that deep down, someone already knew this.
So, for better or for worse, and I do believe it to be for better, my life's path has been decided. I think I decided it on a fateful day in August of 1996, when a tall, gorgeous Uruguayan woman butted into an airplane line-up in front of me in Brazil.
And I've never been happier.
Saturday, October 15, 2005
Delayed HNT#2
Sorry for the delay everyone.
Here's my 2nd HNT posting.
I only have a few more hours left before I leave, and the bags are packed. Too bad Ben Affleck and Liv Tyler aren't here to sing to me
This is one of my suitcases. As some may be able to tell, I'm travelling Air Canada.
Wish me luck!
Here's my 2nd HNT posting.
I only have a few more hours left before I leave, and the bags are packed. Too bad Ben Affleck and Liv Tyler aren't here to sing to me
This is one of my suitcases. As some may be able to tell, I'm travelling Air Canada.
Wish me luck!
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
And the bombardment continues....
As everyone might know, once I get back to Uruguay I'm going to be taking a hell of a lot of pics of me and my boy.
So, just to start you off, here's a pic of him and his best friend at a Birthday Party.
So, just to start you off, here's a pic of him and his best friend at a Birthday Party.
Friday, October 07, 2005
Let's find out a little bit more about me...
I was sent this email this afternoon.
I was directed to email it out to people, but when I started compiling the list of who I was going to send it to it was so embarassingly short I decided to post it on my blog.
Anyone who likes it can do it themselves :-)
Welcome to the Fall 2005 edition of getting to know your friends. If you're bored with the weather, this will keep you busy for awhile. What you are supposed to do is copy (not forward) this entire email and paste it into a new one. Change all the answers so they apply to you and then send this to a whole bunch of people, including the person who sent it to you. The idea is that you will learn a lot of little things about your friends that you probably didn't know already.
1. What time did you get up this morning? 6:00
2. Diamonds or pearls? I like both, but I prefer Amethysts
3. What was the last film you saw in the cinema? Spider-Man 2, but I download a lot of movies now.
4. What's your favorite TV show? Veronica Mars
5. What did you have for breakfast this morning? Glass of OJ
6. What's your favorite cuisine? Sorrentinos
7. What foods do you dislike? Beets and Cucumbers
8. What is your favorite chip flavor? Sour Cream & Onion
9. What's your favorite CD at the moment? Bon Jovi "Have a nice day"
10. What kind of car do you drive? None, but sometimes my grandfather's Pontiac
11. Favorite sandwich? Ham and Turkey with Homemade mayo
12. What characteristics do you despise? When people insult others
13. Favorite item of clothing? T-shirt and jeans
14. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Greece
15. What color is your bathroom? White
16. Favorite brand of clothing? I really like Tommy Hilfiger, but anything that's comfortable
17. Where would you retire to? My beach house (or it will be when my parents kick the bucket)
18. Favorite time of the day? mid-afternoon
19. What was your most memorable birthday? 12, 18, 26, 29 (the last one, not for good reasons)
20. Where were you born? Toronto, Ontario
21. Favorite sport to watch? Baseball, Soccer (in the stadiums), Swim tourneys
22. Who do you least expect to send this back to you? Probably noone will
23. Person you expect to send it back first? Cowgirl
24. What fabric detergent do you use? Tide
25. Were you named after anyone? My grandfather and my dad's nickname
26. Do you wish on stars? Everynight
27. When did you last cry? Today
28. Do you like your handwriting? yes
29. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with you? No
30. Are you a daredevil? I wish I were more of a daredevil
31. Do looks matter? Not at all. True beauty lies in thoughts, words, and soul. When these characteristics flourish, beauty becomes apparent.
32. How do you release anger? I used to punch walls and tanks, now i cry or bury my anger
33. Where is your second home? I'm going back to my true home (although I don't really have one)
34. What were your favorite toys as a child? Loved my Transformers
35. What class in High School was totally useless? OAC French
36. Do you use sarcasm a lot? Constantly
37. Favorite movies? The Truth about Cats and Dogs, Fools Rush In (I know I will get razzed for these)
38. What are your nicknames? Pabs, Pableets, Danny, Foreign Guy, Pablito
39. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? Never have never will
40. Do you think that you are strong? I know I am, but emotionally I'm weak as a wet tissue
41. What's your favorite ice cream flavor? Chocolate with Peanut Butter Chunks
42. What are your favorite colors? Blue, Red, Black
43. What is your least favorite thing about yourself? My weight and my looks
44. What do you miss the most? My son, and smiling
45. Do you want everyone you sent this to send it back? God, yes
46. What color pants are you wearing? Blue Jeans
47. What are you listening to right now? Theory of a Deadman
48. Last thing you ate? Pizza
49. If you were a CRAYON what color would you be? Purple
50. Last person you talked to on the phone? A customer at work
51. What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Eyes and ass
52. Favourite Drink? Scotch
53. Do you wear contacts? no
54. Favorite Day(s)? Saturdays
55. Scary Movies or Happy Endings? Happy Endings
56. Summer or winter? Summer
57. Hugs OR Kisses? Kisses, I so adore kissing! (Although I've only kissed 4 women in my life)
58. What Is Your Favorite Dessert? Usually skip dessert
59. What Book(s)Are You Reading? Stephen King's "Bag of Bones"
60. What's On Your Mouse Pad? Marvin the Martian, Daffy Duck, Yosemite Sam
61. What Did You Watch Last night on TV? CSI, Daddy Daycare
62. Favorite Smells? Fresh baked blueberry muffins
63. Rolling Stones or Beatles? Rolling Stones
64. Do you have any pets? 1 dog (she's with my sister now)
65. Are you in love? I plead the 5th
66. Where do you live? Mississauga, Ontario, but in 8 days that's changing to Montevideo, Uruguay
I was directed to email it out to people, but when I started compiling the list of who I was going to send it to it was so embarassingly short I decided to post it on my blog.
Anyone who likes it can do it themselves :-)
Welcome to the Fall 2005 edition of getting to know your friends. If you're bored with the weather, this will keep you busy for awhile. What you are supposed to do is copy (not forward) this entire email and paste it into a new one. Change all the answers so they apply to you and then send this to a whole bunch of people, including the person who sent it to you. The idea is that you will learn a lot of little things about your friends that you probably didn't know already.
1. What time did you get up this morning? 6:00
2. Diamonds or pearls? I like both, but I prefer Amethysts
3. What was the last film you saw in the cinema? Spider-Man 2, but I download a lot of movies now.
4. What's your favorite TV show? Veronica Mars
5. What did you have for breakfast this morning? Glass of OJ
6. What's your favorite cuisine? Sorrentinos
7. What foods do you dislike? Beets and Cucumbers
8. What is your favorite chip flavor? Sour Cream & Onion
9. What's your favorite CD at the moment? Bon Jovi "Have a nice day"
10. What kind of car do you drive? None, but sometimes my grandfather's Pontiac
11. Favorite sandwich? Ham and Turkey with Homemade mayo
12. What characteristics do you despise? When people insult others
13. Favorite item of clothing? T-shirt and jeans
14. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Greece
15. What color is your bathroom? White
16. Favorite brand of clothing? I really like Tommy Hilfiger, but anything that's comfortable
17. Where would you retire to? My beach house (or it will be when my parents kick the bucket)
18. Favorite time of the day? mid-afternoon
19. What was your most memorable birthday? 12, 18, 26, 29 (the last one, not for good reasons)
20. Where were you born? Toronto, Ontario
21. Favorite sport to watch? Baseball, Soccer (in the stadiums), Swim tourneys
22. Who do you least expect to send this back to you? Probably noone will
23. Person you expect to send it back first? Cowgirl
24. What fabric detergent do you use? Tide
25. Were you named after anyone? My grandfather and my dad's nickname
26. Do you wish on stars? Everynight
27. When did you last cry? Today
28. Do you like your handwriting? yes
29. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with you? No
30. Are you a daredevil? I wish I were more of a daredevil
31. Do looks matter? Not at all. True beauty lies in thoughts, words, and soul. When these characteristics flourish, beauty becomes apparent.
32. How do you release anger? I used to punch walls and tanks, now i cry or bury my anger
33. Where is your second home? I'm going back to my true home (although I don't really have one)
34. What were your favorite toys as a child? Loved my Transformers
35. What class in High School was totally useless? OAC French
36. Do you use sarcasm a lot? Constantly
37. Favorite movies? The Truth about Cats and Dogs, Fools Rush In (I know I will get razzed for these)
38. What are your nicknames? Pabs, Pableets, Danny, Foreign Guy, Pablito
39. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? Never have never will
40. Do you think that you are strong? I know I am, but emotionally I'm weak as a wet tissue
41. What's your favorite ice cream flavor? Chocolate with Peanut Butter Chunks
42. What are your favorite colors? Blue, Red, Black
43. What is your least favorite thing about yourself? My weight and my looks
44. What do you miss the most? My son, and smiling
45. Do you want everyone you sent this to send it back? God, yes
46. What color pants are you wearing? Blue Jeans
47. What are you listening to right now? Theory of a Deadman
48. Last thing you ate? Pizza
49. If you were a CRAYON what color would you be? Purple
50. Last person you talked to on the phone? A customer at work
51. What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Eyes and ass
52. Favourite Drink? Scotch
53. Do you wear contacts? no
54. Favorite Day(s)? Saturdays
55. Scary Movies or Happy Endings? Happy Endings
56. Summer or winter? Summer
57. Hugs OR Kisses? Kisses, I so adore kissing! (Although I've only kissed 4 women in my life)
58. What Is Your Favorite Dessert? Usually skip dessert
59. What Book(s)Are You Reading? Stephen King's "Bag of Bones"
60. What's On Your Mouse Pad? Marvin the Martian, Daffy Duck, Yosemite Sam
61. What Did You Watch Last night on TV? CSI, Daddy Daycare
62. Favorite Smells? Fresh baked blueberry muffins
63. Rolling Stones or Beatles? Rolling Stones
64. Do you have any pets? 1 dog (she's with my sister now)
65. Are you in love? I plead the 5th
66. Where do you live? Mississauga, Ontario, but in 8 days that's changing to Montevideo, Uruguay
Thursday, October 06, 2005
My first HNT...
Ok, this is my first HNT, and hopefully not my last.
Lack of inspiration and sheer embarassment led me to post this picture (no way was I gonna post a pic of my hairy ass the first time out).
Either way, this does matter to me, as you can see my Make Poverty History wristband.
Suggestions for my next HNT are welcome :-)
Lack of inspiration and sheer embarassment led me to post this picture (no way was I gonna post a pic of my hairy ass the first time out).
Either way, this does matter to me, as you can see my Make Poverty History wristband.
Suggestions for my next HNT are welcome :-)
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
The memories we take
As my time here grows shorter, I find myself wondering, will I miss Canada? Will I take anything of worth with me when I leave?
I have 10 days left before I leave this country, and to be honest I am grateful for my time here in Canada. I didn't enjoy a lot of it, but I will take some beautiful memories with me when I leave.
Canada has given me an education, it's given my family everything, up until 8 years ago. The last 8 years my history and my life have been Uruguay and the people in Uruguay, but I can not forget what Canada means to me. My father became a world-recognized welder and fabrication engineer here in Canada. My mother, had the possibility to spend almost all of her time as a stay at home mother. My sister and I had every single benefit in the world. Canada gave well to my family. But my life no longer lies in Canada.
So when I leave, my memories will include my amazing friendships: Al, Gonzalo, Amanda, Terry, Gabe, Frank, Steve, Saami, Ken, Mary, Lis, Edwin, Joanne, Zima. The amazing times I spent with them: The trip to Wasaga, the dancing at Blue Suede Sue's, the failed trips to Ten, the sheer embarassment while trying to hit on girls and having absolutely zero success (even though Edwin kept saying I was good looking), the drunken idiocies which we will never speak of, but will always remember, the sheer terror of finding a woman bobbing up and down on me, a trip I took up north in the middle of a work week for a fleeting glance at an angel.
These are all good memories, wonderful memories that I will carry with me fondly always.
I have made virtual friends also, all these people online who read my misadventures in love and parenting (although I haven't done much parenting lately), these people will also stay in my heart and in my mind always.
Unfortunately there are also sad and bad memories to accompany these good ones. Stupid choices to help supposed friends, expenses when I shouldn't have spent a dime, the pain I felt during the whole F debacle (and it's ongoing). I will carry all this too.
I have fallen, I have flown, I have learned, I have lost, I have smiled, and I have cried. I have lived.
And yet, I have no intentions of returning to Canada in the near future, or to be honest in the far future. The time I spent away from Frankie was enough to teach me that even if I never love again, I can never be away from my boy again.
My time here has changed me. I don't know if it's changed me for the better or for worse, but there has definitely been a change. I have become less a happy man, and more a cynical man. I no longer allow my feelings to drive me, but logic and reason, and I will not let anyone stand in the way of what I want anymore. If living in this world means being cruel and insensitive then that's how I will be. I do not like this, but I will do it. And I will achieve my goals.
And yet, I take from this experience friendships and kindness. I take memories that will never be erased. I take from this everything that a man should take from an experience, continuance of life.
I have 10 days left before I leave this country, and to be honest I am grateful for my time here in Canada. I didn't enjoy a lot of it, but I will take some beautiful memories with me when I leave.
Canada has given me an education, it's given my family everything, up until 8 years ago. The last 8 years my history and my life have been Uruguay and the people in Uruguay, but I can not forget what Canada means to me. My father became a world-recognized welder and fabrication engineer here in Canada. My mother, had the possibility to spend almost all of her time as a stay at home mother. My sister and I had every single benefit in the world. Canada gave well to my family. But my life no longer lies in Canada.
So when I leave, my memories will include my amazing friendships: Al, Gonzalo, Amanda, Terry, Gabe, Frank, Steve, Saami, Ken, Mary, Lis, Edwin, Joanne, Zima. The amazing times I spent with them: The trip to Wasaga, the dancing at Blue Suede Sue's, the failed trips to Ten, the sheer embarassment while trying to hit on girls and having absolutely zero success (even though Edwin kept saying I was good looking), the drunken idiocies which we will never speak of, but will always remember, the sheer terror of finding a woman bobbing up and down on me, a trip I took up north in the middle of a work week for a fleeting glance at an angel.
These are all good memories, wonderful memories that I will carry with me fondly always.
I have made virtual friends also, all these people online who read my misadventures in love and parenting (although I haven't done much parenting lately), these people will also stay in my heart and in my mind always.
Unfortunately there are also sad and bad memories to accompany these good ones. Stupid choices to help supposed friends, expenses when I shouldn't have spent a dime, the pain I felt during the whole F debacle (and it's ongoing). I will carry all this too.
I have fallen, I have flown, I have learned, I have lost, I have smiled, and I have cried. I have lived.
And yet, I have no intentions of returning to Canada in the near future, or to be honest in the far future. The time I spent away from Frankie was enough to teach me that even if I never love again, I can never be away from my boy again.
My time here has changed me. I don't know if it's changed me for the better or for worse, but there has definitely been a change. I have become less a happy man, and more a cynical man. I no longer allow my feelings to drive me, but logic and reason, and I will not let anyone stand in the way of what I want anymore. If living in this world means being cruel and insensitive then that's how I will be. I do not like this, but I will do it. And I will achieve my goals.
And yet, I take from this experience friendships and kindness. I take memories that will never be erased. I take from this everything that a man should take from an experience, continuance of life.
Monday, October 03, 2005
And the preparations continue...
So this weekend I took significant steps in my preparation to return to Uruguay.
Some of you might still be wondering about the date I'm leaving (unless you're bored to tears with my blog, and only stop by to see if I've uploaded any more pics of Frankie).
Well the confirmed date is October 15, 2005. My plane leaves at 11:55 pm that night. I will be arriving in Montevideo, Uruguay October 16th at 5 pm local time.
I know, I know, it's pretty damned soon, but I miss my boy. Also, I won't have a job after the 14th, so I might as well leave.
The interesting thing is that noone in my family down south (except my dad and my grandpa) know that I'm arriving on the 16th. They actually believe that I'll be arriving at the end of the month. Although I've asked my dad to arrange for Frankie to be at the airport to greet me. I can't wait.
Now, you may all be wondering why am I not letting anyone know? My father and grandfather are sworn to secrecy, but noone else knows. I've actually been considering some revenge. A friend of mine in Uruguay offered to seduce F's new/old boyfriend so that she might feel some of what I've felt. And I was planning on doing some surveillance to help my friend, while noone knows I'm there.
I know, this seems low and childish. But I was hurt. And I've been hurt too many times in my life and I've just taken it, pushed it down low and let people continue to hurt me. Now it's time for me to not let myself get hurt anymore, it's time for me to strike back.
Now I was given some advice this morning, that this is a bad idea. I do understand that point of view, believe me I do. But the thing that hurts, the thing that I felt helpless against, was the hope she gave me and took away, the fact that 2 weeks after I left Uruguay she got pregnant, my son calling someone else "daddy", the betrayal I felt after I had not only given all of my love to her, but my entire soul. Even today, she is still the woman I compare other women against.
Pathetic, I know.
So now, I'm at a crossroads, do I continue down this road, which will inevitably hurt her (and I know that the limp-dicked ass muncher will fall, he's exactly that type of guy) or do I swallow all my pain down and just continue down the road I have gone down all of my life?
I know that if I set my mind to it, I can make her life and his a living hell, make them experience just a touch of what I've felt these past 9 months. But something a friend of mine said to me this morning still echoes in my head.
"You're not like that"
Aren't I? Do I want to be? What am I like?
Shit.
I'm gonna have to think about this alot.
Moving on....
I've bought a new suitcase for my trip, since my old one has a seriously fucked up zipper. I bought some towels for my grandma, on her request. I bought myself a new pair of jeans and two t-shirts. I'm gonna buy Frankie a Batmobile next week, I promised it to him as well as some Hot Wheels cars. Also I'm gonna buy memory and possibly a new processor for my computer in Uruguay, so that Frankie and I can watch all the movies I've downloaded and burned. Still have to buy more CD-R's, and I'd definitely like to buy some new toiletries.
It'll all be over soon enough. One way or another.
Some of you might still be wondering about the date I'm leaving (unless you're bored to tears with my blog, and only stop by to see if I've uploaded any more pics of Frankie).
Well the confirmed date is October 15, 2005. My plane leaves at 11:55 pm that night. I will be arriving in Montevideo, Uruguay October 16th at 5 pm local time.
I know, I know, it's pretty damned soon, but I miss my boy. Also, I won't have a job after the 14th, so I might as well leave.
The interesting thing is that noone in my family down south (except my dad and my grandpa) know that I'm arriving on the 16th. They actually believe that I'll be arriving at the end of the month. Although I've asked my dad to arrange for Frankie to be at the airport to greet me. I can't wait.
Now, you may all be wondering why am I not letting anyone know? My father and grandfather are sworn to secrecy, but noone else knows. I've actually been considering some revenge. A friend of mine in Uruguay offered to seduce F's new/old boyfriend so that she might feel some of what I've felt. And I was planning on doing some surveillance to help my friend, while noone knows I'm there.
I know, this seems low and childish. But I was hurt. And I've been hurt too many times in my life and I've just taken it, pushed it down low and let people continue to hurt me. Now it's time for me to not let myself get hurt anymore, it's time for me to strike back.
Now I was given some advice this morning, that this is a bad idea. I do understand that point of view, believe me I do. But the thing that hurts, the thing that I felt helpless against, was the hope she gave me and took away, the fact that 2 weeks after I left Uruguay she got pregnant, my son calling someone else "daddy", the betrayal I felt after I had not only given all of my love to her, but my entire soul. Even today, she is still the woman I compare other women against.
Pathetic, I know.
So now, I'm at a crossroads, do I continue down this road, which will inevitably hurt her (and I know that the limp-dicked ass muncher will fall, he's exactly that type of guy) or do I swallow all my pain down and just continue down the road I have gone down all of my life?
I know that if I set my mind to it, I can make her life and his a living hell, make them experience just a touch of what I've felt these past 9 months. But something a friend of mine said to me this morning still echoes in my head.
"You're not like that"
Aren't I? Do I want to be? What am I like?
Shit.
I'm gonna have to think about this alot.
Moving on....
I've bought a new suitcase for my trip, since my old one has a seriously fucked up zipper. I bought some towels for my grandma, on her request. I bought myself a new pair of jeans and two t-shirts. I'm gonna buy Frankie a Batmobile next week, I promised it to him as well as some Hot Wheels cars. Also I'm gonna buy memory and possibly a new processor for my computer in Uruguay, so that Frankie and I can watch all the movies I've downloaded and burned. Still have to buy more CD-R's, and I'd definitely like to buy some new toiletries.
It'll all be over soon enough. One way or another.
Thursday, September 29, 2005
I thought I won an OSCAR!
Not really, but when my boss called us into the boardroom today, at the very least I thought he was either gonna complain about
a) Us doing absolutely nothing except play online pool (since the end is coming we don't really care, it's not like they can threaten to fire us)
b) Us being mean to Vampirella (which we do with so much ease and joy that it is now second nature, and believe me, there was nothing anyone could do to stop us)
c) My porn collection on the PC at work (there isn't one, but I've checked out my share of sites)
Turns out I was completely wrong!
OMG!!! ME WRONG!!??????????????????
Amazing, but it does happen.
Nope, the reason they called us in was to advise us that we will be getting an extra weeks pay on our last day. A kind of severance pay, even though we're not entitled.
WOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is sooooooo going to the "Buy stuff for Frankie Fund"!!!
Seems like the owner of the company with which we had the contract wants us to receive that money.
So I'm pretty damned happy for that :D
a) Us doing absolutely nothing except play online pool (since the end is coming we don't really care, it's not like they can threaten to fire us)
b) Us being mean to Vampirella (which we do with so much ease and joy that it is now second nature, and believe me, there was nothing anyone could do to stop us)
c) My porn collection on the PC at work (there isn't one, but I've checked out my share of sites)
Turns out I was completely wrong!
OMG!!! ME WRONG!!??????????????????
Amazing, but it does happen.
Nope, the reason they called us in was to advise us that we will be getting an extra weeks pay on our last day. A kind of severance pay, even though we're not entitled.
WOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is sooooooo going to the "Buy stuff for Frankie Fund"!!!
Seems like the owner of the company with which we had the contract wants us to receive that money.
So I'm pretty damned happy for that :D
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
Pics of my son's birthday
I received these pictures of Frankie's birthday party at his school.
Hope you like them, because I loved them. Just about cried when I got them.
Doesn't he look great? :-D
Hope you like them, because I loved them. Just about cried when I got them.
Doesn't he look great? :-D
Sleeping with a Superhero
I used to sleep with Spider-Man, and oh boy did I love it.
This is not the kind of post you people think it is.
Back in January of '04 after I lost my job (which may have led to my F falling out of love with me [I obsess I know]) F went back to work and I had the wonderful task of taking care of Frankie.
Luckily I was still receiving money from the Uruguayan equivalent of Employment Insurance, which in Uruguay is called Seguro de Paro, so we weren't starving.
My daily routine was fairly simple.
I'd wake up at about 8am, Frankie would wake up pretty much at the same time. His initial breakfast consisted of a warm bottle of milk, while mine was Uruguayan Tea called Maté.
I'd give him a quick bath, put him in fresh clothes, and then we'd sit down in front of the TV to watch his cartoons for about half an hour. I'd give him a mid-morning snack of fruit while he was watching TV, and I would usually give the apartment a quick once-over.
After TV time I would get him dressed (light clothes since this was summer) and we'd go for a qalk. Sometimes he would ride in his stroller, other times he would walk with me. Almost always about halfway through the walk, he would fall asleep in the stroller and we'd head back home. I'd lay him down in his bed and then I'd go about preparing his lunch and my lunch.
Then came fun time. When he would wake up we'd start playing. I would absolutely drop everything just to play with him. We'd play mock soccer, we'd play monster chases Frankie, Frankie visits the zoo (with me being the zoo), Slip and Slide (on the recently sweeped clean floor), then we'd sit down and draw with crayons, or read a comic book (I gave him my whole collection, and he learned farly quickly that it was bad to rip them up), and of course Superheroes unite (He would dress-up in a Spider-Man uniform and I would wear a red towel saying I was Superman).
By this time he was all tuckered out and hungry, so we'd have lunch.
We'd finish our lunch, both of us still wearing our costumes, and then inevitably he would start yawning.
At this point I'd take him to my bed for his nap I'd lie down with him and I'd start singing to him (a song my dad used to sing to me when I was a kid, which still puts me to sleep) eventually he'd fall asleep. I'd just stare at him sleeping there in his Spider-Man uniform. He was so beautiful.
I couldn't believe how lucky I was to be the father of such a beautiful boy. I would just keep caressing his face while he lay there, making sure he was comfortable.
I can honestly remember no better feeling than that one, the feeling of my wonderful boy sleeping next to me in his Spider-Man uniform, sometimes snoring, with his beautiful hair falling over his eyes.
I hope to be able to repeat this experience when I get home.
This is not the kind of post you people think it is.
Back in January of '04 after I lost my job (which may have led to my F falling out of love with me [I obsess I know]) F went back to work and I had the wonderful task of taking care of Frankie.
Luckily I was still receiving money from the Uruguayan equivalent of Employment Insurance, which in Uruguay is called Seguro de Paro, so we weren't starving.
My daily routine was fairly simple.
I'd wake up at about 8am, Frankie would wake up pretty much at the same time. His initial breakfast consisted of a warm bottle of milk, while mine was Uruguayan Tea called Maté.
I'd give him a quick bath, put him in fresh clothes, and then we'd sit down in front of the TV to watch his cartoons for about half an hour. I'd give him a mid-morning snack of fruit while he was watching TV, and I would usually give the apartment a quick once-over.
After TV time I would get him dressed (light clothes since this was summer) and we'd go for a qalk. Sometimes he would ride in his stroller, other times he would walk with me. Almost always about halfway through the walk, he would fall asleep in the stroller and we'd head back home. I'd lay him down in his bed and then I'd go about preparing his lunch and my lunch.
Then came fun time. When he would wake up we'd start playing. I would absolutely drop everything just to play with him. We'd play mock soccer, we'd play monster chases Frankie, Frankie visits the zoo (with me being the zoo), Slip and Slide (on the recently sweeped clean floor), then we'd sit down and draw with crayons, or read a comic book (I gave him my whole collection, and he learned farly quickly that it was bad to rip them up), and of course Superheroes unite (He would dress-up in a Spider-Man uniform and I would wear a red towel saying I was Superman).
By this time he was all tuckered out and hungry, so we'd have lunch.
We'd finish our lunch, both of us still wearing our costumes, and then inevitably he would start yawning.
At this point I'd take him to my bed for his nap I'd lie down with him and I'd start singing to him (a song my dad used to sing to me when I was a kid, which still puts me to sleep) eventually he'd fall asleep. I'd just stare at him sleeping there in his Spider-Man uniform. He was so beautiful.
I couldn't believe how lucky I was to be the father of such a beautiful boy. I would just keep caressing his face while he lay there, making sure he was comfortable.
I can honestly remember no better feeling than that one, the feeling of my wonderful boy sleeping next to me in his Spider-Man uniform, sometimes snoring, with his beautiful hair falling over his eyes.
I hope to be able to repeat this experience when I get home.
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
3 years is a long time
It was my son's birthday yesterday.
He's 3 years old.
I can't believe I've been a father for 3 years. It's kind of overwhelming. The sheer responsibilities that come with being a parent.
Let me be honest to all out there. While my .... the mother of my child was pregnant with Francisco I was a moron.
To be honest, I was scared shitless of being a father. We had lost 2 babies previously due to miscarriages so the chances of us having a child were slim. But apparently my little swimmers are stronger than the docs thought, so F (my ex, whatever) got pregnant.
But I got scared. When the actual reality of being a father presented itself I freaked out. I would spend as much time away from home as possible, at work, at University, out with friends, anything to not face the reality of F's growing womb.
So for about 4 months I was a complete ass. Then we went to have the first Ultrasound sonogram, and I saw my son.
Oh God, never have I seen anything so beautiful, ever.
Obviously being an Ultrasound you could see outlines instead of features, but he was beautiful. That was actually the first moment we found out it was a boy. Up until then we were sure that we were going to have a girl. We hadn't even picked out any boy names.
We ended up naming him Francisco Nicolas. Francisco after my paternal grandfather and Nicolas is just a beautiful name we love.
After that I was in love with my son. Maybe I loved him more than I loved her.
I spent every waking moment trying to make up for my idiocies of the past. I don't know if I succeeded, but I did my best.
Then came the day of September 26, 2002. We weren't expecting him for almost another 2 weeks, but F had been under a lot of stress since my great-aunt had passed away 10 days before. The worst part was that my dad and I found my great-aunt. I still can't face that memory, and it's something we'll have to carry for the rest of our lives.
The morning of the 26th I went to work as usual, and as usual, I called F every 2 hours to see how she and the baby were doing. That morning on my second call, she told me that she was "leaking".
This scared me because one of the previous miscarriages had been preceded by a loss of amniotic fluid in the morning. I told her to get her ass to the doctor's office ASAP. To grab a cab and get down there.
I went and told my bosses that I had to leave that my wife was having problem's with the baby. My bosses allowed me to leave and actually gave me a gift of U$S 500 for the baby (in Uruguay this is a huge amount of money).
I raced down to the doctor's office and found F there. She was being admitted to the labour ward!
WTF??????? I went and talked to the head nurse and she explained that the fluid loss was quite normal when a woman's water breaks. I almost laughed out loud!
My wife was going to have the baby!
So I went in to see her, this was about 11 am. She gave me instructions on what to get from home.
I raced out, grabbed a cab and got home in maybe 30 mins. From there I called every freaking person I knew!
I was going to be a dad!
I got back to the hospital at about 2pm and found at least 20 people there waiting for me. Even my best friend in Uruguay had shown up.
It was a long wait. Filled with anticipation and fear. There was pain, a whole hell of a lot of it, and she went through alot of it too. It was a great night.
Then, at 10:20 pm, Uruguayan time, my son was born. The umbilical cord was cut by me and then I held my beautiful baby boy. I was in love with him, he was so gorgeous. He had steely blue eyes and a full head of hair and a tiny pimple on his right cheek. He looked at me and I held him. He had this creamy white gunk on him, but he was gorgeous.
I gave him to the nurse and I went to tell everyone. When I saw Enzo, my friend, I literally ran into his arms crying.
I was joyous. And I let everyone know that Francisco Nicolas Gonzalez had been born.
And now 3 years later.
I talked to him last night and sang Happy Birthday to him in English and Spanish. Then he asked me "Papa venis a casa pronto?" "Papa, are you coming home soon?"
I almost cried right there.
I said "Yes, Frankie, I'm coming home very soon, and we're never going to be apart again".
I'm going home. And my son's waiting for me. Anything else is superfluous.
I love my son and he loves me. God, is there anything more wonderful?
He's 3 years old.
I can't believe I've been a father for 3 years. It's kind of overwhelming. The sheer responsibilities that come with being a parent.
Let me be honest to all out there. While my .... the mother of my child was pregnant with Francisco I was a moron.
To be honest, I was scared shitless of being a father. We had lost 2 babies previously due to miscarriages so the chances of us having a child were slim. But apparently my little swimmers are stronger than the docs thought, so F (my ex, whatever) got pregnant.
But I got scared. When the actual reality of being a father presented itself I freaked out. I would spend as much time away from home as possible, at work, at University, out with friends, anything to not face the reality of F's growing womb.
So for about 4 months I was a complete ass. Then we went to have the first Ultrasound sonogram, and I saw my son.
Oh God, never have I seen anything so beautiful, ever.
Obviously being an Ultrasound you could see outlines instead of features, but he was beautiful. That was actually the first moment we found out it was a boy. Up until then we were sure that we were going to have a girl. We hadn't even picked out any boy names.
We ended up naming him Francisco Nicolas. Francisco after my paternal grandfather and Nicolas is just a beautiful name we love.
After that I was in love with my son. Maybe I loved him more than I loved her.
I spent every waking moment trying to make up for my idiocies of the past. I don't know if I succeeded, but I did my best.
Then came the day of September 26, 2002. We weren't expecting him for almost another 2 weeks, but F had been under a lot of stress since my great-aunt had passed away 10 days before. The worst part was that my dad and I found my great-aunt. I still can't face that memory, and it's something we'll have to carry for the rest of our lives.
The morning of the 26th I went to work as usual, and as usual, I called F every 2 hours to see how she and the baby were doing. That morning on my second call, she told me that she was "leaking".
This scared me because one of the previous miscarriages had been preceded by a loss of amniotic fluid in the morning. I told her to get her ass to the doctor's office ASAP. To grab a cab and get down there.
I went and told my bosses that I had to leave that my wife was having problem's with the baby. My bosses allowed me to leave and actually gave me a gift of U$S 500 for the baby (in Uruguay this is a huge amount of money).
I raced down to the doctor's office and found F there. She was being admitted to the labour ward!
WTF??????? I went and talked to the head nurse and she explained that the fluid loss was quite normal when a woman's water breaks. I almost laughed out loud!
My wife was going to have the baby!
So I went in to see her, this was about 11 am. She gave me instructions on what to get from home.
I raced out, grabbed a cab and got home in maybe 30 mins. From there I called every freaking person I knew!
I was going to be a dad!
I got back to the hospital at about 2pm and found at least 20 people there waiting for me. Even my best friend in Uruguay had shown up.
It was a long wait. Filled with anticipation and fear. There was pain, a whole hell of a lot of it, and she went through alot of it too. It was a great night.
Then, at 10:20 pm, Uruguayan time, my son was born. The umbilical cord was cut by me and then I held my beautiful baby boy. I was in love with him, he was so gorgeous. He had steely blue eyes and a full head of hair and a tiny pimple on his right cheek. He looked at me and I held him. He had this creamy white gunk on him, but he was gorgeous.
I gave him to the nurse and I went to tell everyone. When I saw Enzo, my friend, I literally ran into his arms crying.
I was joyous. And I let everyone know that Francisco Nicolas Gonzalez had been born.
And now 3 years later.
I talked to him last night and sang Happy Birthday to him in English and Spanish. Then he asked me "Papa venis a casa pronto?" "Papa, are you coming home soon?"
I almost cried right there.
I said "Yes, Frankie, I'm coming home very soon, and we're never going to be apart again".
I'm going home. And my son's waiting for me. Anything else is superfluous.
I love my son and he loves me. God, is there anything more wonderful?
Friday, September 23, 2005
It's all ending...
I was called into a meeting with my boss a couple of days ago.
Apparently the company is losing it's major account and by mid-October we're all going to be out of a job.
To be honest, this wasn't a surprise to most of us here. In the last two months there have been at least 4 people who have resigned to move on to better things. The client obviously saw this and decided to pack up. They're moving to Texas.
So this comes as a bit of providence since I was already planning on leaving around that time to go back to Uruguay.
So here we are, all preparing our C.V.'s
I'm not too worried about myself, since I know what I'm going to be doing, but my colleagues' futures are of concern to me. They're all starting the job-hunt already, and with no immediate prospects, the situation is dismal.
So now I'm worried about them as well as myself.
Not to mention the added pressure of the economic situation ahead of me (I think I remember saying that Money is a pain in the ass).
Let's see if we can add some more on to my plate: Today's my dad's birthday, Monday is Frankie's birthday (God, do I miss him), Tuesday is my Grandfather's birthday. So I'm going to miss all of those. My sister is soon to have her baby, and I want to buy her the Crib (have to figure out not only how I'm going to pay for that, but also how the hell I'm going to send it down there). Have to pay for my phone bill here (I have almost $450 to pay).
Not to mention the fact that I do want to buy some stuff for Frankie before I go.
So, I've got a lot to figure out and pay for.
Oh, and I have to get a hair cut and my leg hurts pretty bad.
:( hmmmmmmph
Apparently the company is losing it's major account and by mid-October we're all going to be out of a job.
To be honest, this wasn't a surprise to most of us here. In the last two months there have been at least 4 people who have resigned to move on to better things. The client obviously saw this and decided to pack up. They're moving to Texas.
So this comes as a bit of providence since I was already planning on leaving around that time to go back to Uruguay.
So here we are, all preparing our C.V.'s
I'm not too worried about myself, since I know what I'm going to be doing, but my colleagues' futures are of concern to me. They're all starting the job-hunt already, and with no immediate prospects, the situation is dismal.
So now I'm worried about them as well as myself.
Not to mention the added pressure of the economic situation ahead of me (I think I remember saying that Money is a pain in the ass).
Let's see if we can add some more on to my plate: Today's my dad's birthday, Monday is Frankie's birthday (God, do I miss him), Tuesday is my Grandfather's birthday. So I'm going to miss all of those. My sister is soon to have her baby, and I want to buy her the Crib (have to figure out not only how I'm going to pay for that, but also how the hell I'm going to send it down there). Have to pay for my phone bill here (I have almost $450 to pay).
Not to mention the fact that I do want to buy some stuff for Frankie before I go.
So, I've got a lot to figure out and pay for.
Oh, and I have to get a hair cut and my leg hurts pretty bad.
:( hmmmmmmph
Saturday, September 17, 2005
Let's help the breasts of the world
Even though I try to make the titles of my posts insightful or even humourous, today's post is not a humourous subject.
I thank my good friend Cowgirl for this info.
Breast cancer is a very delicate matter, according to the NBCF (National Breast Cancer Foundation) approximately 12.6% of women in the US will develop breast cancer in their lifetimes.
The good thing is that it can be detected early by regular mammary testing. Women can give themselves basic breast checks and they can also have medical checks called Mammograms. A mammogram is a safe, low-dose x-ray picture of the breast. Mammograms are quick and easy. You simply stand in front of an x-ray machine. The person who takes the x-ray places your breast between two plastic plates. The plates press your breast and make it flat. This may be uncomfortable for a few seconds, but it helps to get a clear picure.
Unfortunately not everyone is financially capable of getting mammograms done, therefore The Breast Cancer Site has a button on it where you can click daily so that one free mammogram a day will be given out. This is thanks to their sponsors.
I urge you all to go to this site and click on the button. There is no charge to you whatsoever, and you will be helping someone.
Shouldn't we all try to help?
I thank my good friend Cowgirl for this info.
Breast cancer is a very delicate matter, according to the NBCF (National Breast Cancer Foundation) approximately 12.6% of women in the US will develop breast cancer in their lifetimes.
The good thing is that it can be detected early by regular mammary testing. Women can give themselves basic breast checks and they can also have medical checks called Mammograms. A mammogram is a safe, low-dose x-ray picture of the breast. Mammograms are quick and easy. You simply stand in front of an x-ray machine. The person who takes the x-ray places your breast between two plastic plates. The plates press your breast and make it flat. This may be uncomfortable for a few seconds, but it helps to get a clear picure.
Unfortunately not everyone is financially capable of getting mammograms done, therefore The Breast Cancer Site has a button on it where you can click daily so that one free mammogram a day will be given out. This is thanks to their sponsors.
I urge you all to go to this site and click on the button. There is no charge to you whatsoever, and you will be helping someone.
Shouldn't we all try to help?
Thursday, September 15, 2005
The race is on
I've initiated my preparations today to go back to Uruguay.
Ticket: Check
Money: In progress
Clothes: Check and in progress (gonna buy some new clothes)
Toys and stuff for Frankie: In progress
Laptop: In progress
Passport: Check
Uruguayan ID: Check
Weight: In progress (wanna lose more before I go back)
Date: Check (I will reveal this date later on on this blog, and to one specific person whenever she wants)
Place to live when I get there: Check (Gonna live with Mom and Dad for a bit, even though our relationship is strained, to say the least)
Job in Uruguay: In progress (I already have at least 3 interviews lined up for when I get there in several international Call Centers)
So, I only have one thing left to talk about with a special someone. I'm going to ask her a question and hopefully she'll agree (No, it's not what you people are thinking).
We'll see.
Ticket: Check
Money: In progress
Clothes: Check and in progress (gonna buy some new clothes)
Toys and stuff for Frankie: In progress
Laptop: In progress
Passport: Check
Uruguayan ID: Check
Weight: In progress (wanna lose more before I go back)
Date: Check (I will reveal this date later on on this blog, and to one specific person whenever she wants)
Place to live when I get there: Check (Gonna live with Mom and Dad for a bit, even though our relationship is strained, to say the least)
Job in Uruguay: In progress (I already have at least 3 interviews lined up for when I get there in several international Call Centers)
So, I only have one thing left to talk about with a special someone. I'm going to ask her a question and hopefully she'll agree (No, it's not what you people are thinking).
We'll see.
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
I get a bedroom again..
My grampa's going back to Uruguay tonight.
I'm gonna miss him, but I'm gonna see him once I go back. Might even have to live with him for a bit.
My uncle's probably gonna miss him more. He sees his parents for a couple of months maybe once a year.
These past couple of weeks I actually considered leaving with him today. But I can't leave yet. Money still rules all.
At least I get a bedroom again :)
My days of sleeping on an inflatable matress on the floor are over!
I'm gonna miss him, but I'm gonna see him once I go back. Might even have to live with him for a bit.
My uncle's probably gonna miss him more. He sees his parents for a couple of months maybe once a year.
These past couple of weeks I actually considered leaving with him today. But I can't leave yet. Money still rules all.
At least I get a bedroom again :)
My days of sleeping on an inflatable matress on the floor are over!
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