The memories we take

As my time here grows shorter, I find myself wondering, will I miss Canada? Will I take anything of worth with me when I leave?

I have 10 days left before I leave this country, and to be honest I am grateful for my time here in Canada. I didn't enjoy a lot of it, but I will take some beautiful memories with me when I leave.

Canada has given me an education, it's given my family everything, up until 8 years ago. The last 8 years my history and my life have been Uruguay and the people in Uruguay, but I can not forget what Canada means to me. My father became a world-recognized welder and fabrication engineer here in Canada. My mother, had the possibility to spend almost all of her time as a stay at home mother. My sister and I had every single benefit in the world. Canada gave well to my family. But my life no longer lies in Canada.

So when I leave, my memories will include my amazing friendships: Al, Gonzalo, Amanda, Terry, Gabe, Frank, Steve, Saami, Ken, Mary, Lis, Edwin, Joanne, Zima. The amazing times I spent with them: The trip to Wasaga, the dancing at Blue Suede Sue's, the failed trips to Ten, the sheer embarassment while trying to hit on girls and having absolutely zero success (even though Edwin kept saying I was good looking), the drunken idiocies which we will never speak of, but will always remember, the sheer terror of finding a woman bobbing up and down on me, a trip I took up north in the middle of a work week for a fleeting glance at an angel.

These are all good memories, wonderful memories that I will carry with me fondly always.

I have made virtual friends also, all these people online who read my misadventures in love and parenting (although I haven't done much parenting lately), these people will also stay in my heart and in my mind always.

Unfortunately there are also sad and bad memories to accompany these good ones. Stupid choices to help supposed friends, expenses when I shouldn't have spent a dime, the pain I felt during the whole F debacle (and it's ongoing). I will carry all this too.

I have fallen, I have flown, I have learned, I have lost, I have smiled, and I have cried. I have lived.

And yet, I have no intentions of returning to Canada in the near future, or to be honest in the far future. The time I spent away from Frankie was enough to teach me that even if I never love again, I can never be away from my boy again.

My time here has changed me. I don't know if it's changed me for the better or for worse, but there has definitely been a change. I have become less a happy man, and more a cynical man. I no longer allow my feelings to drive me, but logic and reason, and I will not let anyone stand in the way of what I want anymore. If living in this world means being cruel and insensitive then that's how I will be. I do not like this, but I will do it. And I will achieve my goals.

And yet, I take from this experience friendships and kindness. I take memories that will never be erased. I take from this everything that a man should take from an experience, continuance of life.