And the preparations continue...

So this weekend I took significant steps in my preparation to return to Uruguay.

Some of you might still be wondering about the date I'm leaving (unless you're bored to tears with my blog, and only stop by to see if I've uploaded any more pics of Frankie).

Well the confirmed date is October 15, 2005. My plane leaves at 11:55 pm that night. I will be arriving in Montevideo, Uruguay October 16th at 5 pm local time.

I know, I know, it's pretty damned soon, but I miss my boy. Also, I won't have a job after the 14th, so I might as well leave.

The interesting thing is that noone in my family down south (except my dad and my grandpa) know that I'm arriving on the 16th. They actually believe that I'll be arriving at the end of the month. Although I've asked my dad to arrange for Frankie to be at the airport to greet me. I can't wait.

Now, you may all be wondering why am I not letting anyone know? My father and grandfather are sworn to secrecy, but noone else knows. I've actually been considering some revenge. A friend of mine in Uruguay offered to seduce F's new/old boyfriend so that she might feel some of what I've felt. And I was planning on doing some surveillance to help my friend, while noone knows I'm there.

I know, this seems low and childish. But I was hurt. And I've been hurt too many times in my life and I've just taken it, pushed it down low and let people continue to hurt me. Now it's time for me to not let myself get hurt anymore, it's time for me to strike back.

Now I was given some advice this morning, that this is a bad idea. I do understand that point of view, believe me I do. But the thing that hurts, the thing that I felt helpless against, was the hope she gave me and took away, the fact that 2 weeks after I left Uruguay she got pregnant, my son calling someone else "daddy", the betrayal I felt after I had not only given all of my love to her, but my entire soul. Even today, she is still the woman I compare other women against.

Pathetic, I know.

So now, I'm at a crossroads, do I continue down this road, which will inevitably hurt her (and I know that the limp-dicked ass muncher will fall, he's exactly that type of guy) or do I swallow all my pain down and just continue down the road I have gone down all of my life?

I know that if I set my mind to it, I can make her life and his a living hell, make them experience just a touch of what I've felt these past 9 months. But something a friend of mine said to me this morning still echoes in my head.

"You're not like that"

Aren't I? Do I want to be? What am I like?

Shit.

I'm gonna have to think about this alot.

Moving on....

I've bought a new suitcase for my trip, since my old one has a seriously fucked up zipper. I bought some towels for my grandma, on her request. I bought myself a new pair of jeans and two t-shirts. I'm gonna buy Frankie a Batmobile next week, I promised it to him as well as some Hot Wheels cars. Also I'm gonna buy memory and possibly a new processor for my computer in Uruguay, so that Frankie and I can watch all the movies I've downloaded and burned. Still have to buy more CD-R's, and I'd definitely like to buy some new toiletries.

It'll all be over soon enough. One way or another.