Not really, but when my boss called us into the boardroom today, at the very least I thought he was either gonna complain about
a) Us doing absolutely nothing except play online pool (since the end is coming we don't really care, it's not like they can threaten to fire us)
b) Us being mean to Vampirella (which we do with so much ease and joy that it is now second nature, and believe me, there was nothing anyone could do to stop us)
c) My porn collection on the PC at work (there isn't one, but I've checked out my share of sites)
Turns out I was completely wrong!
OMG!!! ME WRONG!!??????????????????
Amazing, but it does happen.
Nope, the reason they called us in was to advise us that we will be getting an extra weeks pay on our last day. A kind of severance pay, even though we're not entitled.
WOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is sooooooo going to the "Buy stuff for Frankie Fund"!!!
Seems like the owner of the company with which we had the contract wants us to receive that money.
So I'm pretty damned happy for that :D
Thursday, September 29, 2005
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
Pics of my son's birthday
I received these pictures of Frankie's birthday party at his school.
Hope you like them, because I loved them. Just about cried when I got them.
Doesn't he look great? :-D
Hope you like them, because I loved them. Just about cried when I got them.
Doesn't he look great? :-D
Sleeping with a Superhero
I used to sleep with Spider-Man, and oh boy did I love it.
This is not the kind of post you people think it is.
Back in January of '04 after I lost my job (which may have led to my F falling out of love with me [I obsess I know]) F went back to work and I had the wonderful task of taking care of Frankie.
Luckily I was still receiving money from the Uruguayan equivalent of Employment Insurance, which in Uruguay is called Seguro de Paro, so we weren't starving.
My daily routine was fairly simple.
I'd wake up at about 8am, Frankie would wake up pretty much at the same time. His initial breakfast consisted of a warm bottle of milk, while mine was Uruguayan Tea called Maté.
I'd give him a quick bath, put him in fresh clothes, and then we'd sit down in front of the TV to watch his cartoons for about half an hour. I'd give him a mid-morning snack of fruit while he was watching TV, and I would usually give the apartment a quick once-over.
After TV time I would get him dressed (light clothes since this was summer) and we'd go for a qalk. Sometimes he would ride in his stroller, other times he would walk with me. Almost always about halfway through the walk, he would fall asleep in the stroller and we'd head back home. I'd lay him down in his bed and then I'd go about preparing his lunch and my lunch.
Then came fun time. When he would wake up we'd start playing. I would absolutely drop everything just to play with him. We'd play mock soccer, we'd play monster chases Frankie, Frankie visits the zoo (with me being the zoo), Slip and Slide (on the recently sweeped clean floor), then we'd sit down and draw with crayons, or read a comic book (I gave him my whole collection, and he learned farly quickly that it was bad to rip them up), and of course Superheroes unite (He would dress-up in a Spider-Man uniform and I would wear a red towel saying I was Superman).
By this time he was all tuckered out and hungry, so we'd have lunch.
We'd finish our lunch, both of us still wearing our costumes, and then inevitably he would start yawning.
At this point I'd take him to my bed for his nap I'd lie down with him and I'd start singing to him (a song my dad used to sing to me when I was a kid, which still puts me to sleep) eventually he'd fall asleep. I'd just stare at him sleeping there in his Spider-Man uniform. He was so beautiful.
I couldn't believe how lucky I was to be the father of such a beautiful boy. I would just keep caressing his face while he lay there, making sure he was comfortable.
I can honestly remember no better feeling than that one, the feeling of my wonderful boy sleeping next to me in his Spider-Man uniform, sometimes snoring, with his beautiful hair falling over his eyes.
I hope to be able to repeat this experience when I get home.
This is not the kind of post you people think it is.
Back in January of '04 after I lost my job (which may have led to my F falling out of love with me [I obsess I know]) F went back to work and I had the wonderful task of taking care of Frankie.
Luckily I was still receiving money from the Uruguayan equivalent of Employment Insurance, which in Uruguay is called Seguro de Paro, so we weren't starving.
My daily routine was fairly simple.
I'd wake up at about 8am, Frankie would wake up pretty much at the same time. His initial breakfast consisted of a warm bottle of milk, while mine was Uruguayan Tea called Maté.
I'd give him a quick bath, put him in fresh clothes, and then we'd sit down in front of the TV to watch his cartoons for about half an hour. I'd give him a mid-morning snack of fruit while he was watching TV, and I would usually give the apartment a quick once-over.
After TV time I would get him dressed (light clothes since this was summer) and we'd go for a qalk. Sometimes he would ride in his stroller, other times he would walk with me. Almost always about halfway through the walk, he would fall asleep in the stroller and we'd head back home. I'd lay him down in his bed and then I'd go about preparing his lunch and my lunch.
Then came fun time. When he would wake up we'd start playing. I would absolutely drop everything just to play with him. We'd play mock soccer, we'd play monster chases Frankie, Frankie visits the zoo (with me being the zoo), Slip and Slide (on the recently sweeped clean floor), then we'd sit down and draw with crayons, or read a comic book (I gave him my whole collection, and he learned farly quickly that it was bad to rip them up), and of course Superheroes unite (He would dress-up in a Spider-Man uniform and I would wear a red towel saying I was Superman).
By this time he was all tuckered out and hungry, so we'd have lunch.
We'd finish our lunch, both of us still wearing our costumes, and then inevitably he would start yawning.
At this point I'd take him to my bed for his nap I'd lie down with him and I'd start singing to him (a song my dad used to sing to me when I was a kid, which still puts me to sleep) eventually he'd fall asleep. I'd just stare at him sleeping there in his Spider-Man uniform. He was so beautiful.
I couldn't believe how lucky I was to be the father of such a beautiful boy. I would just keep caressing his face while he lay there, making sure he was comfortable.
I can honestly remember no better feeling than that one, the feeling of my wonderful boy sleeping next to me in his Spider-Man uniform, sometimes snoring, with his beautiful hair falling over his eyes.
I hope to be able to repeat this experience when I get home.
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
3 years is a long time
It was my son's birthday yesterday.
He's 3 years old.
I can't believe I've been a father for 3 years. It's kind of overwhelming. The sheer responsibilities that come with being a parent.
Let me be honest to all out there. While my .... the mother of my child was pregnant with Francisco I was a moron.
To be honest, I was scared shitless of being a father. We had lost 2 babies previously due to miscarriages so the chances of us having a child were slim. But apparently my little swimmers are stronger than the docs thought, so F (my ex, whatever) got pregnant.
But I got scared. When the actual reality of being a father presented itself I freaked out. I would spend as much time away from home as possible, at work, at University, out with friends, anything to not face the reality of F's growing womb.
So for about 4 months I was a complete ass. Then we went to have the first Ultrasound sonogram, and I saw my son.
Oh God, never have I seen anything so beautiful, ever.
Obviously being an Ultrasound you could see outlines instead of features, but he was beautiful. That was actually the first moment we found out it was a boy. Up until then we were sure that we were going to have a girl. We hadn't even picked out any boy names.
We ended up naming him Francisco Nicolas. Francisco after my paternal grandfather and Nicolas is just a beautiful name we love.
After that I was in love with my son. Maybe I loved him more than I loved her.
I spent every waking moment trying to make up for my idiocies of the past. I don't know if I succeeded, but I did my best.
Then came the day of September 26, 2002. We weren't expecting him for almost another 2 weeks, but F had been under a lot of stress since my great-aunt had passed away 10 days before. The worst part was that my dad and I found my great-aunt. I still can't face that memory, and it's something we'll have to carry for the rest of our lives.
The morning of the 26th I went to work as usual, and as usual, I called F every 2 hours to see how she and the baby were doing. That morning on my second call, she told me that she was "leaking".
This scared me because one of the previous miscarriages had been preceded by a loss of amniotic fluid in the morning. I told her to get her ass to the doctor's office ASAP. To grab a cab and get down there.
I went and told my bosses that I had to leave that my wife was having problem's with the baby. My bosses allowed me to leave and actually gave me a gift of U$S 500 for the baby (in Uruguay this is a huge amount of money).
I raced down to the doctor's office and found F there. She was being admitted to the labour ward!
WTF??????? I went and talked to the head nurse and she explained that the fluid loss was quite normal when a woman's water breaks. I almost laughed out loud!
My wife was going to have the baby!
So I went in to see her, this was about 11 am. She gave me instructions on what to get from home.
I raced out, grabbed a cab and got home in maybe 30 mins. From there I called every freaking person I knew!
I was going to be a dad!
I got back to the hospital at about 2pm and found at least 20 people there waiting for me. Even my best friend in Uruguay had shown up.
It was a long wait. Filled with anticipation and fear. There was pain, a whole hell of a lot of it, and she went through alot of it too. It was a great night.
Then, at 10:20 pm, Uruguayan time, my son was born. The umbilical cord was cut by me and then I held my beautiful baby boy. I was in love with him, he was so gorgeous. He had steely blue eyes and a full head of hair and a tiny pimple on his right cheek. He looked at me and I held him. He had this creamy white gunk on him, but he was gorgeous.
I gave him to the nurse and I went to tell everyone. When I saw Enzo, my friend, I literally ran into his arms crying.
I was joyous. And I let everyone know that Francisco Nicolas Gonzalez had been born.
And now 3 years later.
I talked to him last night and sang Happy Birthday to him in English and Spanish. Then he asked me "Papa venis a casa pronto?" "Papa, are you coming home soon?"
I almost cried right there.
I said "Yes, Frankie, I'm coming home very soon, and we're never going to be apart again".
I'm going home. And my son's waiting for me. Anything else is superfluous.
I love my son and he loves me. God, is there anything more wonderful?
He's 3 years old.
I can't believe I've been a father for 3 years. It's kind of overwhelming. The sheer responsibilities that come with being a parent.
Let me be honest to all out there. While my .... the mother of my child was pregnant with Francisco I was a moron.
To be honest, I was scared shitless of being a father. We had lost 2 babies previously due to miscarriages so the chances of us having a child were slim. But apparently my little swimmers are stronger than the docs thought, so F (my ex, whatever) got pregnant.
But I got scared. When the actual reality of being a father presented itself I freaked out. I would spend as much time away from home as possible, at work, at University, out with friends, anything to not face the reality of F's growing womb.
So for about 4 months I was a complete ass. Then we went to have the first Ultrasound sonogram, and I saw my son.
Oh God, never have I seen anything so beautiful, ever.
Obviously being an Ultrasound you could see outlines instead of features, but he was beautiful. That was actually the first moment we found out it was a boy. Up until then we were sure that we were going to have a girl. We hadn't even picked out any boy names.
We ended up naming him Francisco Nicolas. Francisco after my paternal grandfather and Nicolas is just a beautiful name we love.
After that I was in love with my son. Maybe I loved him more than I loved her.
I spent every waking moment trying to make up for my idiocies of the past. I don't know if I succeeded, but I did my best.
Then came the day of September 26, 2002. We weren't expecting him for almost another 2 weeks, but F had been under a lot of stress since my great-aunt had passed away 10 days before. The worst part was that my dad and I found my great-aunt. I still can't face that memory, and it's something we'll have to carry for the rest of our lives.
The morning of the 26th I went to work as usual, and as usual, I called F every 2 hours to see how she and the baby were doing. That morning on my second call, she told me that she was "leaking".
This scared me because one of the previous miscarriages had been preceded by a loss of amniotic fluid in the morning. I told her to get her ass to the doctor's office ASAP. To grab a cab and get down there.
I went and told my bosses that I had to leave that my wife was having problem's with the baby. My bosses allowed me to leave and actually gave me a gift of U$S 500 for the baby (in Uruguay this is a huge amount of money).
I raced down to the doctor's office and found F there. She was being admitted to the labour ward!
WTF??????? I went and talked to the head nurse and she explained that the fluid loss was quite normal when a woman's water breaks. I almost laughed out loud!
My wife was going to have the baby!
So I went in to see her, this was about 11 am. She gave me instructions on what to get from home.
I raced out, grabbed a cab and got home in maybe 30 mins. From there I called every freaking person I knew!
I was going to be a dad!
I got back to the hospital at about 2pm and found at least 20 people there waiting for me. Even my best friend in Uruguay had shown up.
It was a long wait. Filled with anticipation and fear. There was pain, a whole hell of a lot of it, and she went through alot of it too. It was a great night.
Then, at 10:20 pm, Uruguayan time, my son was born. The umbilical cord was cut by me and then I held my beautiful baby boy. I was in love with him, he was so gorgeous. He had steely blue eyes and a full head of hair and a tiny pimple on his right cheek. He looked at me and I held him. He had this creamy white gunk on him, but he was gorgeous.
I gave him to the nurse and I went to tell everyone. When I saw Enzo, my friend, I literally ran into his arms crying.
I was joyous. And I let everyone know that Francisco Nicolas Gonzalez had been born.
And now 3 years later.
I talked to him last night and sang Happy Birthday to him in English and Spanish. Then he asked me "Papa venis a casa pronto?" "Papa, are you coming home soon?"
I almost cried right there.
I said "Yes, Frankie, I'm coming home very soon, and we're never going to be apart again".
I'm going home. And my son's waiting for me. Anything else is superfluous.
I love my son and he loves me. God, is there anything more wonderful?
Friday, September 23, 2005
It's all ending...
I was called into a meeting with my boss a couple of days ago.
Apparently the company is losing it's major account and by mid-October we're all going to be out of a job.
To be honest, this wasn't a surprise to most of us here. In the last two months there have been at least 4 people who have resigned to move on to better things. The client obviously saw this and decided to pack up. They're moving to Texas.
So this comes as a bit of providence since I was already planning on leaving around that time to go back to Uruguay.
So here we are, all preparing our C.V.'s
I'm not too worried about myself, since I know what I'm going to be doing, but my colleagues' futures are of concern to me. They're all starting the job-hunt already, and with no immediate prospects, the situation is dismal.
So now I'm worried about them as well as myself.
Not to mention the added pressure of the economic situation ahead of me (I think I remember saying that Money is a pain in the ass).
Let's see if we can add some more on to my plate: Today's my dad's birthday, Monday is Frankie's birthday (God, do I miss him), Tuesday is my Grandfather's birthday. So I'm going to miss all of those. My sister is soon to have her baby, and I want to buy her the Crib (have to figure out not only how I'm going to pay for that, but also how the hell I'm going to send it down there). Have to pay for my phone bill here (I have almost $450 to pay).
Not to mention the fact that I do want to buy some stuff for Frankie before I go.
So, I've got a lot to figure out and pay for.
Oh, and I have to get a hair cut and my leg hurts pretty bad.
:( hmmmmmmph
Apparently the company is losing it's major account and by mid-October we're all going to be out of a job.
To be honest, this wasn't a surprise to most of us here. In the last two months there have been at least 4 people who have resigned to move on to better things. The client obviously saw this and decided to pack up. They're moving to Texas.
So this comes as a bit of providence since I was already planning on leaving around that time to go back to Uruguay.
So here we are, all preparing our C.V.'s
I'm not too worried about myself, since I know what I'm going to be doing, but my colleagues' futures are of concern to me. They're all starting the job-hunt already, and with no immediate prospects, the situation is dismal.
So now I'm worried about them as well as myself.
Not to mention the added pressure of the economic situation ahead of me (I think I remember saying that Money is a pain in the ass).
Let's see if we can add some more on to my plate: Today's my dad's birthday, Monday is Frankie's birthday (God, do I miss him), Tuesday is my Grandfather's birthday. So I'm going to miss all of those. My sister is soon to have her baby, and I want to buy her the Crib (have to figure out not only how I'm going to pay for that, but also how the hell I'm going to send it down there). Have to pay for my phone bill here (I have almost $450 to pay).
Not to mention the fact that I do want to buy some stuff for Frankie before I go.
So, I've got a lot to figure out and pay for.
Oh, and I have to get a hair cut and my leg hurts pretty bad.
:( hmmmmmmph
Saturday, September 17, 2005
Let's help the breasts of the world
Even though I try to make the titles of my posts insightful or even humourous, today's post is not a humourous subject.
I thank my good friend Cowgirl for this info.
Breast cancer is a very delicate matter, according to the NBCF (National Breast Cancer Foundation) approximately 12.6% of women in the US will develop breast cancer in their lifetimes.
The good thing is that it can be detected early by regular mammary testing. Women can give themselves basic breast checks and they can also have medical checks called Mammograms. A mammogram is a safe, low-dose x-ray picture of the breast. Mammograms are quick and easy. You simply stand in front of an x-ray machine. The person who takes the x-ray places your breast between two plastic plates. The plates press your breast and make it flat. This may be uncomfortable for a few seconds, but it helps to get a clear picure.
Unfortunately not everyone is financially capable of getting mammograms done, therefore The Breast Cancer Site has a button on it where you can click daily so that one free mammogram a day will be given out. This is thanks to their sponsors.
I urge you all to go to this site and click on the button. There is no charge to you whatsoever, and you will be helping someone.
Shouldn't we all try to help?
I thank my good friend Cowgirl for this info.
Breast cancer is a very delicate matter, according to the NBCF (National Breast Cancer Foundation) approximately 12.6% of women in the US will develop breast cancer in their lifetimes.
The good thing is that it can be detected early by regular mammary testing. Women can give themselves basic breast checks and they can also have medical checks called Mammograms. A mammogram is a safe, low-dose x-ray picture of the breast. Mammograms are quick and easy. You simply stand in front of an x-ray machine. The person who takes the x-ray places your breast between two plastic plates. The plates press your breast and make it flat. This may be uncomfortable for a few seconds, but it helps to get a clear picure.
Unfortunately not everyone is financially capable of getting mammograms done, therefore The Breast Cancer Site has a button on it where you can click daily so that one free mammogram a day will be given out. This is thanks to their sponsors.
I urge you all to go to this site and click on the button. There is no charge to you whatsoever, and you will be helping someone.
Shouldn't we all try to help?
Thursday, September 15, 2005
The race is on
I've initiated my preparations today to go back to Uruguay.
Ticket: Check
Money: In progress
Clothes: Check and in progress (gonna buy some new clothes)
Toys and stuff for Frankie: In progress
Laptop: In progress
Passport: Check
Uruguayan ID: Check
Weight: In progress (wanna lose more before I go back)
Date: Check (I will reveal this date later on on this blog, and to one specific person whenever she wants)
Place to live when I get there: Check (Gonna live with Mom and Dad for a bit, even though our relationship is strained, to say the least)
Job in Uruguay: In progress (I already have at least 3 interviews lined up for when I get there in several international Call Centers)
So, I only have one thing left to talk about with a special someone. I'm going to ask her a question and hopefully she'll agree (No, it's not what you people are thinking).
We'll see.
Ticket: Check
Money: In progress
Clothes: Check and in progress (gonna buy some new clothes)
Toys and stuff for Frankie: In progress
Laptop: In progress
Passport: Check
Uruguayan ID: Check
Weight: In progress (wanna lose more before I go back)
Date: Check (I will reveal this date later on on this blog, and to one specific person whenever she wants)
Place to live when I get there: Check (Gonna live with Mom and Dad for a bit, even though our relationship is strained, to say the least)
Job in Uruguay: In progress (I already have at least 3 interviews lined up for when I get there in several international Call Centers)
So, I only have one thing left to talk about with a special someone. I'm going to ask her a question and hopefully she'll agree (No, it's not what you people are thinking).
We'll see.
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
I get a bedroom again..
My grampa's going back to Uruguay tonight.
I'm gonna miss him, but I'm gonna see him once I go back. Might even have to live with him for a bit.
My uncle's probably gonna miss him more. He sees his parents for a couple of months maybe once a year.
These past couple of weeks I actually considered leaving with him today. But I can't leave yet. Money still rules all.
At least I get a bedroom again :)
My days of sleeping on an inflatable matress on the floor are over!
I'm gonna miss him, but I'm gonna see him once I go back. Might even have to live with him for a bit.
My uncle's probably gonna miss him more. He sees his parents for a couple of months maybe once a year.
These past couple of weeks I actually considered leaving with him today. But I can't leave yet. Money still rules all.
At least I get a bedroom again :)
My days of sleeping on an inflatable matress on the floor are over!
Truly Stuck Between Worlds
I've been sitting here for the past 5 minutes trying to figure out how to start this post.
I know I haven't posted in a few days. There is good reason. You may remember the phonecall I had with my "ex"-wife a little bit ago. Well. I had already decided to go back to Uruguay. I miss my son too much, and he needs me.
But.
Yes, there's always a "but".
I received a phone call Sunday night that changed my whole viewpoint on how things may or may not be when I get back to Uruguay. I have kept this conversation to myself for many reasons, the least of which is that I didn't want to burden anyone with the sheer sense of hurt and betrayal (I really hate that feeling, it's almost as bad as having a nice hot shower, and someone flushing the toilet, and you end up finding out how a lobster feels in a pot).
My ex called me. She wanted me to talk with Frankie, which of course I do whole-heartedly, so she calls him over. And he yells back "No, estoy mirando tele con papa-Esteban".
Translated this means "No, I'm watching TV with daddy-Esteban". WTF!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Esteban is my ex's boyfriend (he was her ex-boyfriend and now they're back).
FIRSTLY: WTF is MY son doing calling this Fuckwad dipshit limp-dicked ass-muncher Daddy???????????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SECONDLY: I had specifically asked her not to have that guy around my son. EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!
THIRDLY: WTF?!?!?!?!!! Wasn't this damned woman all lovey-dovey over me again??????? Didn't she want me to go back for her?!!!!!!!?!???!???? (I was going to tell her to shove it either way for two reasons 1. Great advice from my best friend, 2. Wanted to see her writhing in despair)
I was just so distraught when I heard Frankie say that. For the first time in my pathetic, miserable life I actually contemplated taking my own life. Still haven't decided if I should or shouldn't.
But now, I'm more afraid of something else. I want to go back and be with my son, I don't know if he wants to be with me, but that's something I'll have to deal with one way or another when I get there. The thing I'm afraid of is my anger. I've actually thought about what might happen if I ever meet this guy. This guy who because of a pathetic fucking phone call broke up my family. I've thought that I might want to hurt him. And I've thought that I might not stop until there's nothing left to hurt.
That scares me.
Alot.
I know I haven't posted in a few days. There is good reason. You may remember the phonecall I had with my "ex"-wife a little bit ago. Well. I had already decided to go back to Uruguay. I miss my son too much, and he needs me.
But.
Yes, there's always a "but".
I received a phone call Sunday night that changed my whole viewpoint on how things may or may not be when I get back to Uruguay. I have kept this conversation to myself for many reasons, the least of which is that I didn't want to burden anyone with the sheer sense of hurt and betrayal (I really hate that feeling, it's almost as bad as having a nice hot shower, and someone flushing the toilet, and you end up finding out how a lobster feels in a pot).
My ex called me. She wanted me to talk with Frankie, which of course I do whole-heartedly, so she calls him over. And he yells back "No, estoy mirando tele con papa-Esteban".
Translated this means "No, I'm watching TV with daddy-Esteban". WTF!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Esteban is my ex's boyfriend (he was her ex-boyfriend and now they're back).
FIRSTLY: WTF is MY son doing calling this Fuckwad dipshit limp-dicked ass-muncher Daddy???????????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SECONDLY: I had specifically asked her not to have that guy around my son. EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!
THIRDLY: WTF?!?!?!?!!! Wasn't this damned woman all lovey-dovey over me again??????? Didn't she want me to go back for her?!!!!!!!?!???!???? (I was going to tell her to shove it either way for two reasons 1. Great advice from my best friend, 2. Wanted to see her writhing in despair)
I was just so distraught when I heard Frankie say that. For the first time in my pathetic, miserable life I actually contemplated taking my own life. Still haven't decided if I should or shouldn't.
But now, I'm more afraid of something else. I want to go back and be with my son, I don't know if he wants to be with me, but that's something I'll have to deal with one way or another when I get there. The thing I'm afraid of is my anger. I've actually thought about what might happen if I ever meet this guy. This guy who because of a pathetic fucking phone call broke up my family. I've thought that I might want to hurt him. And I've thought that I might not stop until there's nothing left to hurt.
That scares me.
Alot.
Thursday, September 08, 2005
This shit is kiwis, k-i-w-i-s
I got into a verbal fight with a co-worker yesterday.
As many of you may already know I work in Technical Support for a telephone manufacturer. At times there exists the need to replace a unit In Warranty. There is a certain procedure that we must follow so that the customer can send his/her unit in for repair or replacement. This procedure includes the Customer sending us his/her Proof of Purchase for confirmation.
I have the lucky job of confirming these PoP's. Definitely not a fun job.
I received a PoP yesterday, and while I was confirming it I noticed that the information in the case was completely inadequate, therefore I couldn't approve the PoP. I then spoke with the agent who had taken care of the case originally and told her this. She became extremely agitated and started yelling. No way in hell was I going to let an upstart, childish girl yell at me, so I got pissed and stepped on her.
Not really, but boy did I want to.
I pretty much said this to Vampirella (nickname I gave her for trying to suck the life out of us) "This is constant with you Vampirella, there is always something wrong with all of your support cases. You give the customer's wrong information and we have to pay the price. Well, no more, you're incompetent and stubborn, it's about damned time that you learned how to do this damned job."
That shut her up. She fixed the situation, and barely gave me a glance for the rest of the day.
At about 4:00 pm, I was checking my MSN contacts and I saw that her contact info had changed to this: "Lates....to all those people who piss me off. I finished high school and I don't have a low IQ so don talk to me like I em a kid. Watch the way you be takken to me"
I'm not kidding this is exactly how she wrote it. I made no comment on it, just kind of laughed at it.
Finally later on in the day when I got home and I tried to rest, but it was damned near impossible because I was still riled up over my "fight".
So I ended up watching movies on the computer until 2 am. BAD IDEA!
I finally went to sleep, but when I woke up I was dead tired. Still am! I can barely keep my eyes open.
I think I'm going to try to get some sleep today, instead of just resting my eyes.
As many of you may already know I work in Technical Support for a telephone manufacturer. At times there exists the need to replace a unit In Warranty. There is a certain procedure that we must follow so that the customer can send his/her unit in for repair or replacement. This procedure includes the Customer sending us his/her Proof of Purchase for confirmation.
I have the lucky job of confirming these PoP's. Definitely not a fun job.
I received a PoP yesterday, and while I was confirming it I noticed that the information in the case was completely inadequate, therefore I couldn't approve the PoP. I then spoke with the agent who had taken care of the case originally and told her this. She became extremely agitated and started yelling. No way in hell was I going to let an upstart, childish girl yell at me, so I got pissed and stepped on her.
Not really, but boy did I want to.
I pretty much said this to Vampirella (nickname I gave her for trying to suck the life out of us) "This is constant with you Vampirella, there is always something wrong with all of your support cases. You give the customer's wrong information and we have to pay the price. Well, no more, you're incompetent and stubborn, it's about damned time that you learned how to do this damned job."
That shut her up. She fixed the situation, and barely gave me a glance for the rest of the day.
At about 4:00 pm, I was checking my MSN contacts and I saw that her contact info had changed to this: "Lates....to all those people who piss me off. I finished high school and I don't have a low IQ so don talk to me like I em a kid. Watch the way you be takken to me"
I'm not kidding this is exactly how she wrote it. I made no comment on it, just kind of laughed at it.
Finally later on in the day when I got home and I tried to rest, but it was damned near impossible because I was still riled up over my "fight".
So I ended up watching movies on the computer until 2 am. BAD IDEA!
I finally went to sleep, but when I woke up I was dead tired. Still am! I can barely keep my eyes open.
I think I'm going to try to get some sleep today, instead of just resting my eyes.
Monday, September 05, 2005
Justification and Explanation
This post will mean nothing to most of you out there, but to be honest, it's meant for one person specifically.
There are times when we screw up.
In my case it's often.
Why do we do this? I have no idea, but there are times when our actions and words are not governed by any rational thought process, but by a foolish desire for others to feel as badly as you do.
In my case I did this yesterday. I let my words hurt someone I care for. To be honest, hurting them was not my intent, but I knowingly said these stupid and foolish things.
Yes, I do admit that I have felt pain over things that have happened between she and I, but that was no reason to say the things I did. She at all times has been kind and civil to me, moreso than I ever deserved.
And now she's upset, and she's totally justified in being upset, angry, pissed off, and wanting to rip my head off constantly.
Add to this that I am definitely not feeling well, emotionally or physically, so when she tried to explain how she was feeling, I didn't understand a fucking thing.
All I can say now is I'm sorry. I've said it thousands of times before, and I'll probably say it thousands of times again.
I have been useless as a friend to understand your pain and hurt.
You have no need to justify or explain anything to me, ever. I don't deserve your explanations.
Only know this: You are the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes upon. You are the sheer epitomy of kindness melded with pure beauty so as to create an amazingly wonderful woman.
You once sent me a song Beautiful Soul. As I write this I'm listening to that song, and I must tell you may be as beautiful as you are, so much so that when I saw you I was stunned, but it is definitely the beauty of your soul that makes you shine.
Believe me or don't believe me. That is your prerogative as an individual. Only know that I think this.
There are times when we screw up.
In my case it's often.
Why do we do this? I have no idea, but there are times when our actions and words are not governed by any rational thought process, but by a foolish desire for others to feel as badly as you do.
In my case I did this yesterday. I let my words hurt someone I care for. To be honest, hurting them was not my intent, but I knowingly said these stupid and foolish things.
Yes, I do admit that I have felt pain over things that have happened between she and I, but that was no reason to say the things I did. She at all times has been kind and civil to me, moreso than I ever deserved.
And now she's upset, and she's totally justified in being upset, angry, pissed off, and wanting to rip my head off constantly.
Add to this that I am definitely not feeling well, emotionally or physically, so when she tried to explain how she was feeling, I didn't understand a fucking thing.
All I can say now is I'm sorry. I've said it thousands of times before, and I'll probably say it thousands of times again.
I have been useless as a friend to understand your pain and hurt.
You have no need to justify or explain anything to me, ever. I don't deserve your explanations.
Only know this: You are the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes upon. You are the sheer epitomy of kindness melded with pure beauty so as to create an amazingly wonderful woman.
You once sent me a song Beautiful Soul. As I write this I'm listening to that song, and I must tell you may be as beautiful as you are, so much so that when I saw you I was stunned, but it is definitely the beauty of your soul that makes you shine.
Believe me or don't believe me. That is your prerogative as an individual. Only know that I think this.
Sunday, September 04, 2005
I feel the words
So there I am sitting at my computer.
Listening to music, had just finished talking to Cowgirl, and she had to leave abruptly. And the moment she logs off I hear "Untitled" by A Simple Plan
I listened to this song and seriously for a few moments it felt as though it were written for me right at this moment. It just summed everything up.
So here for your reading pleasure are the lyrics.
"Untitled"
I open my eyes
I try to see but I’m blinded by the white light
I can’t remember how
I can’t remember why
I’m lying here tonight
And I can’t stand the pain
And I can’t make it go away
No I can’t stand the pain
How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
Everybody’s screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I’m slipping off the edge
I’m hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again
So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered
And I can’t explain what happened
And I can’t erase the things that I’ve done
No I can’t
How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
Listening to music, had just finished talking to Cowgirl, and she had to leave abruptly. And the moment she logs off I hear "Untitled" by A Simple Plan
I listened to this song and seriously for a few moments it felt as though it were written for me right at this moment. It just summed everything up.
So here for your reading pleasure are the lyrics.
"Untitled"
I open my eyes
I try to see but I’m blinded by the white light
I can’t remember how
I can’t remember why
I’m lying here tonight
And I can’t stand the pain
And I can’t make it go away
No I can’t stand the pain
How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
Everybody’s screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I’m slipping off the edge
I’m hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again
So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered
And I can’t explain what happened
And I can’t erase the things that I’ve done
No I can’t
How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
Watching my toenails grow
I am completely and utterly bored.
There is absolutely nothing to do and noone to do it with. (I realize that that sounds incredibly kinky)
It's a gorgeous day, barely a slight breeze making the tree leaves flutter and nothing to do.
I could go out, but noone to go out with. I could go to a movie, but there's nothing more depressing than going to see a movie all by your lonesome.
Noone to call, noone to talk to, hell noone to chat with either. This is soooooooo depressing and annoying.
Nothing more to do than watch my toenails grow.
There is absolutely nothing to do and noone to do it with. (I realize that that sounds incredibly kinky)
It's a gorgeous day, barely a slight breeze making the tree leaves flutter and nothing to do.
I could go out, but noone to go out with. I could go to a movie, but there's nothing more depressing than going to see a movie all by your lonesome.
Noone to call, noone to talk to, hell noone to chat with either. This is soooooooo depressing and annoying.
Nothing more to do than watch my toenails grow.
Saturday, September 03, 2005
A moment of indecision...
I'm ready.
As promised here is what happened when I spoke with my ex, last night.
She had asked me to call her so that we could talk about something, and of course as you all know I was terrified.
I've been calling her home daily so that I could talk to Frankie, and during these calls, she and I barely exchanged 3 or 4 words, except for last week when she wanted to talk about my son's birthday party (he's turning 3 on September 26).
During all of this time I didn't notice that anything was different with her. Goes to show you how intuitive I am.
Then a couple of nights ago she said "Can you call me on Friday night so that we can talk, just the two of us?"
Obviously I said yes, since I didn't really notice anything. I just kind of figured that it would have to do with Frankie's birthday.
So I called her. For the first 5 or 10 minutes we talked about useless, unimportant things, like how it was going for me here in Canada, my work, her work. I started getting nervous, so I flat-out asked her "What did you need to talk to me about?"
The 2 minutes that followed before she answered were probably the most nerve-wracking minutes I've gone through since I arrived in Canada. Finally she says to me "I want you to come back to us. Come back to Frankie, come back to me."
WTF?????????
Obviously this whole conversation is going on in Spanish.
I couldn't even move my mouth. Then she says "Mi amor, estas ahi?" This means "My love, are you there?"
I was so utterly confused. So utterly distraught that I broke down and started crying.
Those of you who read this blog on a regular basis will probably know a bit of the history here. This is the woman who said she stopped loving me almost a year ago, and who actually stopped loving me almost two years ago. This is the woman who returned to her abusive ex-boyfriend, because of one stupid cell phone call, where according to her "I heard his voice and he rocked my world" (I'm not kidding, those were her actual words, translated of course). This is the woman who no more than two months ago threatened to take my son away permanently, because I had gone to a friend's cottage in Wasaga Beach for a weekend.
She wants me to go back. By November. If it were only for Frankie, I wouldn't even hesitate.
But she wants me to go back for her too.
I tried explaining to her that I couldn't be with her anymore. There was just too much pain. She asked me if there was anyone else. 1 month ago, I would have answered in the affirmative, but I told her "No, there's noone else, and it has nothing to do with that anyways."
I don't know what I'm supposed to do.
Do I still love her? Of course I do, noone can turn love on and off like a water faucet, and if they can, it wasn't true love to begin with.
What about my falling in love with someone else while I've been here? Yes, I do still love that person. How can this be? We all love different people differently. I'm not talking about caring, and loving, I'm talking about being in love.
How do I reconcile this? Emotionally I can't. I know that there is no possibility of a romantic relationship with the person here in Canada, and how am I supposed to go back to a woman who purported to love me at one time, and then because of a phone call decided that she didn't?
How am I supposed to fight for a love, which I don't know that I still want? When I had already fought my hardest to keep that love, and it failed?
I wrote not long ago that I was done with love. Obviously this was a hurt, rational decision. And rational decisions cannot dictate what the heart and mind feel. But do I continue to consciously choose not to love. Should I isolate myself emotionally from women, because I feel pain everytime that I am with them?
Do I go back? Go back to her?
For my son, I would go back, and I am seriously considering going back solely for him. He does need me.
But, do I go back for her?
I don't know.
I should have named my blog "I DON'T KNOW" instead of "STUCK BETWEEN WORLDS" maybe that would have been more appropriate.
Or maybe my current title really is the most appropriate, since it does show how I'm feeling right now.
This blog is my only outlet now. I don't have anyone to talk to about my issues and problems. Family? Forget about it. My family does not talk about their problems, we bottle them away and let them fester. Friends? I don't have many friends to speak of, only one really, she's my best friend, but I won't allow myself to burden her with my problems (even though I know she'll read about this here). I have to figure this out alone.
Alone.
Is there any scarier word in the English language?
I'm afraid to find out.
As promised here is what happened when I spoke with my ex, last night.
She had asked me to call her so that we could talk about something, and of course as you all know I was terrified.
I've been calling her home daily so that I could talk to Frankie, and during these calls, she and I barely exchanged 3 or 4 words, except for last week when she wanted to talk about my son's birthday party (he's turning 3 on September 26).
During all of this time I didn't notice that anything was different with her. Goes to show you how intuitive I am.
Then a couple of nights ago she said "Can you call me on Friday night so that we can talk, just the two of us?"
Obviously I said yes, since I didn't really notice anything. I just kind of figured that it would have to do with Frankie's birthday.
So I called her. For the first 5 or 10 minutes we talked about useless, unimportant things, like how it was going for me here in Canada, my work, her work. I started getting nervous, so I flat-out asked her "What did you need to talk to me about?"
The 2 minutes that followed before she answered were probably the most nerve-wracking minutes I've gone through since I arrived in Canada. Finally she says to me "I want you to come back to us. Come back to Frankie, come back to me."
WTF?????????
Obviously this whole conversation is going on in Spanish.
I couldn't even move my mouth. Then she says "Mi amor, estas ahi?" This means "My love, are you there?"
I was so utterly confused. So utterly distraught that I broke down and started crying.
Those of you who read this blog on a regular basis will probably know a bit of the history here. This is the woman who said she stopped loving me almost a year ago, and who actually stopped loving me almost two years ago. This is the woman who returned to her abusive ex-boyfriend, because of one stupid cell phone call, where according to her "I heard his voice and he rocked my world" (I'm not kidding, those were her actual words, translated of course). This is the woman who no more than two months ago threatened to take my son away permanently, because I had gone to a friend's cottage in Wasaga Beach for a weekend.
She wants me to go back. By November. If it were only for Frankie, I wouldn't even hesitate.
But she wants me to go back for her too.
I tried explaining to her that I couldn't be with her anymore. There was just too much pain. She asked me if there was anyone else. 1 month ago, I would have answered in the affirmative, but I told her "No, there's noone else, and it has nothing to do with that anyways."
I don't know what I'm supposed to do.
Do I still love her? Of course I do, noone can turn love on and off like a water faucet, and if they can, it wasn't true love to begin with.
What about my falling in love with someone else while I've been here? Yes, I do still love that person. How can this be? We all love different people differently. I'm not talking about caring, and loving, I'm talking about being in love.
How do I reconcile this? Emotionally I can't. I know that there is no possibility of a romantic relationship with the person here in Canada, and how am I supposed to go back to a woman who purported to love me at one time, and then because of a phone call decided that she didn't?
How am I supposed to fight for a love, which I don't know that I still want? When I had already fought my hardest to keep that love, and it failed?
I wrote not long ago that I was done with love. Obviously this was a hurt, rational decision. And rational decisions cannot dictate what the heart and mind feel. But do I continue to consciously choose not to love. Should I isolate myself emotionally from women, because I feel pain everytime that I am with them?
Do I go back? Go back to her?
For my son, I would go back, and I am seriously considering going back solely for him. He does need me.
But, do I go back for her?
I don't know.
I should have named my blog "I DON'T KNOW" instead of "STUCK BETWEEN WORLDS" maybe that would have been more appropriate.
Or maybe my current title really is the most appropriate, since it does show how I'm feeling right now.
This blog is my only outlet now. I don't have anyone to talk to about my issues and problems. Family? Forget about it. My family does not talk about their problems, we bottle them away and let them fester. Friends? I don't have many friends to speak of, only one really, she's my best friend, but I won't allow myself to burden her with my problems (even though I know she'll read about this here). I have to figure this out alone.
Alone.
Is there any scarier word in the English language?
I'm afraid to find out.
The Aristocrats
************Warning: Read at your own risk!*****************************
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Well, I heard about this movie that Penn & Teller made, The Aristocrats. Apparently it's about a joke that's been told backstage of comedy acts since Vaudeville times. This is not a joke for the faint of heart, to be honest, it's not even for the strong of heart either. I've read that it was told at Hugh Hefner's Birthday party, and has been told even by one of the Smother's Brothers, but never in public, until this movie.
The joke goes something like this, and no way am I gonna write the whole thing, mostly because it's not the details of the joke that make it funny, but the personal delivery of each comedian that tells it.
A man walks into a talent agency and goes directly to speak with the talent agent in charge. He says : "I have the most amazing family act for you, you'll absolutely love it!" The talent agent looks at him and says: "I don't know, family acts are always cutesy, and sometimes boring"
The man: "Seriously you'll love it"
Talent Agent: "Ok, what's it about?"
At this point the man starts describing disgusting, revolting, degrading acts of incest, scat play, golden showers. Vile acts between each of the family members (who vary from telling to telling).
At the end of the telling, the Talent Agent is standing there with his mouth wide open, and finally says: "Oh my God! What do you call the act??"
The man looks at him and answers: "The Aristocrats"
I'm definitely gonna go see the movie, but for those of you who want a preview, there is a hilarious version done by Cartman from South Park here.
Holy Shit!
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
Well, I heard about this movie that Penn & Teller made, The Aristocrats. Apparently it's about a joke that's been told backstage of comedy acts since Vaudeville times. This is not a joke for the faint of heart, to be honest, it's not even for the strong of heart either. I've read that it was told at Hugh Hefner's Birthday party, and has been told even by one of the Smother's Brothers, but never in public, until this movie.
The joke goes something like this, and no way am I gonna write the whole thing, mostly because it's not the details of the joke that make it funny, but the personal delivery of each comedian that tells it.
A man walks into a talent agency and goes directly to speak with the talent agent in charge. He says : "I have the most amazing family act for you, you'll absolutely love it!" The talent agent looks at him and says: "I don't know, family acts are always cutesy, and sometimes boring"
The man: "Seriously you'll love it"
Talent Agent: "Ok, what's it about?"
At this point the man starts describing disgusting, revolting, degrading acts of incest, scat play, golden showers. Vile acts between each of the family members (who vary from telling to telling).
At the end of the telling, the Talent Agent is standing there with his mouth wide open, and finally says: "Oh my God! What do you call the act??"
The man looks at him and answers: "The Aristocrats"
I'm definitely gonna go see the movie, but for those of you who want a preview, there is a hilarious version done by Cartman from South Park here.
Holy Shit!
Friday, September 02, 2005
Apparently, over the phone, I'm doable!
I'm a sex god!
Or maybe not.
I was on the phone today with a customer asking for assistance with her phone, and since it's Friday I decided to take it easy and enjoy the conversation. Oh boy, what a mistake.
Apparently the nice lady on the other end of the conversation thought I was really charming, and she decided to hit on me!
HOLY SHIT!
I decided to just let myself go, and have fun. There was nothing else to do.
After about 15 mins of conversation she decided to jump the gun and she said "I'm coming up to Canada and I'm going to do you!"
Guess I've got skills!
Or maybe not.
I was on the phone today with a customer asking for assistance with her phone, and since it's Friday I decided to take it easy and enjoy the conversation. Oh boy, what a mistake.
Apparently the nice lady on the other end of the conversation thought I was really charming, and she decided to hit on me!
HOLY SHIT!
I decided to just let myself go, and have fun. There was nothing else to do.
After about 15 mins of conversation she decided to jump the gun and she said "I'm coming up to Canada and I'm going to do you!"
Guess I've got skills!
I think I must be irradiated!
I have no fucking idea why, but I woke up in pain!
All over my body there were shots of pain going through. What the hell did I do to make my butt cheeks, my arms, my neck and my eyebrows hurt???????
I really don't get it.
In other news, I spent about an hour on the phone last night with Frankie. When we were finished talking he said "Bye Papa" and I said "Bye Frankie". Then I told him to hang up, and he said "No papa, you hang up first". I decided to play along with him and told him the exact same thing. We ended up doing that for almost 20 minutes. LOL!
I enjoyed talking to him alot, but I miss him alot too.
More news: My "ex"-wife wants to talk to me tonight. I have no idea about what, but she said that it's very important.
I think I'm scared.
All over my body there were shots of pain going through. What the hell did I do to make my butt cheeks, my arms, my neck and my eyebrows hurt???????
I really don't get it.
In other news, I spent about an hour on the phone last night with Frankie. When we were finished talking he said "Bye Papa" and I said "Bye Frankie". Then I told him to hang up, and he said "No papa, you hang up first". I decided to play along with him and told him the exact same thing. We ended up doing that for almost 20 minutes. LOL!
I enjoyed talking to him alot, but I miss him alot too.
More news: My "ex"-wife wants to talk to me tonight. I have no idea about what, but she said that it's very important.
I think I'm scared.
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