How annoying is sex when you're not having any?
EXTREMELY!
You think about it constantly. Every word between two people seems to have sexual connotations.
Every look you give seems leacherous, hell they are leacherous!
Not to mention "alone time". It's freaking constant!
I have known people in my life (especially this last year) who have an ease about them regarding the opposite sex. Something I have never been able to master. They are able to have sex with someone without there being any emotional attachment. Since my sexual experiences are extremely limited, this is difficult for me. I guess I equate sex with love, or vice versa.
I had one situation years and years ago, in which I had met a woman. This meeting was purely sexual (NO, it was not a hooker). I found this woman extremely attractive, and apparently she found me attractive (She must have had something wrong with her eyes). But when it came down to it, I couldn't maintain an erection (You have no idea how embarassing this is for me to admit).
I couldn't understand it. She was hot, she turned me on. She would tell me all the things that she wanted to do with me, and even so, nothing!
I finally figured out that it was because there was no emotional attachment. Nothing. She was a very nice, kind woman, but I didn't love her.
So how does one fuck someone if they're not in love? I'm the wrong guy to ask.
Either way the point is moot. To even try to have sex with someone, you have to have someone to have sex with, which I do not.
And that sucks.
Even worse, finding someone is very, very hard!
I'm not the best looking guy, I'm getting divorced, I have a son and I'm a foreigner in this country, add all these up and you get a guy who's becoming a born again virgin!
That sucks.
So how is this remedied?
I have no fucking clue! Normally I'd ask for advice, but who the hell should I ask advice from?
No female friends here to ask. My best friend is in another country. So I guess I'm stuck with the old 5 finger shuffle.
Lucky me.
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
I miss my friend
You never really know what you have until you lose it.
Someone told me that once, and I never really believed it, until I lived it a dozen different ways this year.
While I was in Canada, I missed my son like crazy, cried myself to sleep most nights thinking of him. I missed my ex-wife (I was missing what our marriage had been, not what it had actually become), I missed being in Uruguay and my friends.
But now I'm here in Uruguay and I lost someone again. My best friend.
She and I met under the strangest circumstances, became friends under weirder ones, and even developed feelings for each other, despite our personal situations. And now that I'm here, I miss her like crazy.
We've barely chatted in month and a half that I've been here. I haven't seen her at all (not even through webcams) except for some HNT pics. And I miss her.
I had the best friend I could ever have imagined having while I was in Canada. I could talk to her about anything and everything. My ex, Frankie, work, women, family problems, desires, dreams, pain. Anything and everything.
She is the best person I have ever known.
And you know what? Despite her personal situations, I should have brought her with me!
Yes I should have. But now she's thousands of kilometers away.
What did I have? The bestest friend. What did I lose? Maybe everything.
How can I fix this?
Someone told me that once, and I never really believed it, until I lived it a dozen different ways this year.
While I was in Canada, I missed my son like crazy, cried myself to sleep most nights thinking of him. I missed my ex-wife (I was missing what our marriage had been, not what it had actually become), I missed being in Uruguay and my friends.
But now I'm here in Uruguay and I lost someone again. My best friend.
She and I met under the strangest circumstances, became friends under weirder ones, and even developed feelings for each other, despite our personal situations. And now that I'm here, I miss her like crazy.
We've barely chatted in month and a half that I've been here. I haven't seen her at all (not even through webcams) except for some HNT pics. And I miss her.
I had the best friend I could ever have imagined having while I was in Canada. I could talk to her about anything and everything. My ex, Frankie, work, women, family problems, desires, dreams, pain. Anything and everything.
She is the best person I have ever known.
And you know what? Despite her personal situations, I should have brought her with me!
Yes I should have. But now she's thousands of kilometers away.
What did I have? The bestest friend. What did I lose? Maybe everything.
How can I fix this?
Congratulate me!!!
Everyone definitely should!
On November 16th, 2005 at 2:26 pm Uruguay time I became an uncle!
My nephew's name is Joaquin and what a gorgeous boy he is!
His birth weight: 3.820 Kgs
He's a BIG boy hehehhehe.
That morning everything was quite normal, when at about 11:30 am I got a call on my cell phone that my sister had started having contractions. I kind of freaked.
I was taking care of Frankie at the time, but since my sister was only 3 cms dilated there was no rush. So Frankie took his afternoon nap (he's so cute while he's sleeping).
Once Frankie woke up I told him that we were going to see his new cousin. He was sooooo excited!
Packed him up (not in a suitcase, he's way too big for that :D) and took the bus to the Hospital (Here in Uruguay it's actually called Sanatorio since the term Hospital is for public medical centers).
Once we got there my dad filled me in. Joaquin had been born through C-section because he was positioned incorrectly for a normal birth. Nothing seriously dangerous, but since my sister wasn't even supposed to make it to term, her doctor didn't want to take any chances.
Another problem had arisen after Joaquin's birth. His body temp was a little low, and this apparently worried the doc. So they put him in an incubator so that his body temp would rise without worries.
He was sooooo gorgeous. A full head of black hair, and very beautiful dark brown eyes. According to everyone he has my mouth (weird I know, but Frankie has my sister's mouth).
I wasn't able to hold him that day because of the incubator, but I stared at him, took about 30 pictures (which I will be posting once my sister returns my camera), and even a couple of videos.
Once Frankie saw him it was like love at first sight. Frankie said to me "Papa, yo quiero mucho a mi primo Joaquin" (Translation "Papa, I love my cousin Joaquin alot").
Since then Frankie has told absolutely everyone he knows and meets about his little cousin Joaquin.
On November 16th, 2005 at 2:26 pm Uruguay time I became an uncle!
My nephew's name is Joaquin and what a gorgeous boy he is!
His birth weight: 3.820 Kgs
He's a BIG boy hehehhehe.
That morning everything was quite normal, when at about 11:30 am I got a call on my cell phone that my sister had started having contractions. I kind of freaked.
I was taking care of Frankie at the time, but since my sister was only 3 cms dilated there was no rush. So Frankie took his afternoon nap (he's so cute while he's sleeping).
Once Frankie woke up I told him that we were going to see his new cousin. He was sooooo excited!
Packed him up (not in a suitcase, he's way too big for that :D) and took the bus to the Hospital (Here in Uruguay it's actually called Sanatorio since the term Hospital is for public medical centers).
Once we got there my dad filled me in. Joaquin had been born through C-section because he was positioned incorrectly for a normal birth. Nothing seriously dangerous, but since my sister wasn't even supposed to make it to term, her doctor didn't want to take any chances.
Another problem had arisen after Joaquin's birth. His body temp was a little low, and this apparently worried the doc. So they put him in an incubator so that his body temp would rise without worries.
He was sooooo gorgeous. A full head of black hair, and very beautiful dark brown eyes. According to everyone he has my mouth (weird I know, but Frankie has my sister's mouth).
I wasn't able to hold him that day because of the incubator, but I stared at him, took about 30 pictures (which I will be posting once my sister returns my camera), and even a couple of videos.
Once Frankie saw him it was like love at first sight. Frankie said to me "Papa, yo quiero mucho a mi primo Joaquin" (Translation "Papa, I love my cousin Joaquin alot").
Since then Frankie has told absolutely everyone he knows and meets about his little cousin Joaquin.
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
I'm a horrible blogger
Since I got to Uruguay I've been a horrible blogger.
No, really, I have been.
Stop trying to convince me otherwise!
NO, REALLY!
Oh wait, that was my invisible friend trying to convince me.
What is for sure is that this past month here in Uruguay has been completely insane.
When I arrived here in Montevideo, I had decided to try and fight for the woman I love. But I was hurting her by doing that. So I have since decided I will no longer pursue her. She's happy, or at least she looks like she is. I don't think that this guy she's with is the right guy for her, but I do have to respect that she's happy. So, she and I will only be acquaintances and parents of a wonderful boy.
And me?
I'll search for my happiness.
To be honest, even though not being with her was painful, in the past 3 weeks the pain has all but disappeared. It's actually quite relaxing not to have to justify my every move with her, not to have her hovering over me watching every single move I make, not to have her mistrusting me.
So, I will be single. Maybe forever, maybe not. There is a woman that is quite interesting, that I've known for quite a while, but we're friends. I have no pretensions of being in a relationship now. I'm just going to enjoy life as much as I can, especially by spending time with Frankie.
Frankie. What a boy!
He tells me how much he loves me every 5 minutes. We spend a lot of time together, he sleeps over my place every now and then, and we have a great time. Anyone who sees him and spends time with him would automatically say that he's a clone of me. And I agree wholeheartedly.
Since being here, I have started working with an international company as a Call Center Supervisor. Pretty much doing exactly the same thing I was doing while I was in Canada! Love the job, seriously.
I have moved into a little apartment (my budget won't allow for more, yet). Luckily I already had a lot of furniture and appliances, since I just went and picked up almost everything that my ex-wife had. The stuff that I had bought went with me, and we divided up the things that were gifts. In the matter of the gifts, I got the Fridge, the TV, the Couches, my desk and the coffee maker. I kept my bed (although to be honest, I'm thinking of burning it, for reasons any of you may imagine), the stove was mine, as was the DVD player. So all I really need is a Dining room table, and maybe a microwave oven (she got the microwave in the split).
Unfortunately, I still don't have a phone or internet connection at my new place, but there are cyber cafés all over the place, but they aren't that cheap.
All things considered, it's not that bad here. It's a beautiful country, but I guess I'm lonely. I haven't hooked up with any of my old friend from down here, that girl I mentioned, we pretty much play phone tag alot. And I still haven't been able to get used to the time difference between Montevideo and Toronto so that I can chat with my best friend, or Steve or Ken, or even my cousins. Right now here, it's almost 11 am, but over there it's 8 am. That kind of time difference is really fucking up my friendships.
I know everything will settle in though.
I hope.
No, really, I have been.
Stop trying to convince me otherwise!
NO, REALLY!
Oh wait, that was my invisible friend trying to convince me.
What is for sure is that this past month here in Uruguay has been completely insane.
When I arrived here in Montevideo, I had decided to try and fight for the woman I love. But I was hurting her by doing that. So I have since decided I will no longer pursue her. She's happy, or at least she looks like she is. I don't think that this guy she's with is the right guy for her, but I do have to respect that she's happy. So, she and I will only be acquaintances and parents of a wonderful boy.
And me?
I'll search for my happiness.
To be honest, even though not being with her was painful, in the past 3 weeks the pain has all but disappeared. It's actually quite relaxing not to have to justify my every move with her, not to have her hovering over me watching every single move I make, not to have her mistrusting me.
So, I will be single. Maybe forever, maybe not. There is a woman that is quite interesting, that I've known for quite a while, but we're friends. I have no pretensions of being in a relationship now. I'm just going to enjoy life as much as I can, especially by spending time with Frankie.
Frankie. What a boy!
He tells me how much he loves me every 5 minutes. We spend a lot of time together, he sleeps over my place every now and then, and we have a great time. Anyone who sees him and spends time with him would automatically say that he's a clone of me. And I agree wholeheartedly.
Since being here, I have started working with an international company as a Call Center Supervisor. Pretty much doing exactly the same thing I was doing while I was in Canada! Love the job, seriously.
I have moved into a little apartment (my budget won't allow for more, yet). Luckily I already had a lot of furniture and appliances, since I just went and picked up almost everything that my ex-wife had. The stuff that I had bought went with me, and we divided up the things that were gifts. In the matter of the gifts, I got the Fridge, the TV, the Couches, my desk and the coffee maker. I kept my bed (although to be honest, I'm thinking of burning it, for reasons any of you may imagine), the stove was mine, as was the DVD player. So all I really need is a Dining room table, and maybe a microwave oven (she got the microwave in the split).
Unfortunately, I still don't have a phone or internet connection at my new place, but there are cyber cafés all over the place, but they aren't that cheap.
All things considered, it's not that bad here. It's a beautiful country, but I guess I'm lonely. I haven't hooked up with any of my old friend from down here, that girl I mentioned, we pretty much play phone tag alot. And I still haven't been able to get used to the time difference between Montevideo and Toronto so that I can chat with my best friend, or Steve or Ken, or even my cousins. Right now here, it's almost 11 am, but over there it's 8 am. That kind of time difference is really fucking up my friendships.
I know everything will settle in though.
I hope.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)