This is turning out to be a weird day

I took Frankie to school today. It was horrible!

He cried so much I felt as if my heart were breaking. He kept saying "Don't go to work Papa, please don't go!"

I finally figured out that he was scared that I was going to go back to Canada to work. My poor baby boy is scared that I'll leave him again.

I reassured him that I wouldn't and he felt better.

After that I met with F and we went to talk to the school psychologist. We explained our situation, and we explained all the problems Frankie's been having because of it. We were able to get alot of things straight thanks to that meeting.

After that I got to work and found my boss sitting on a desk in front of the office. Apparently he was waiting for one of my co-workers.

Once that co-worker arrived (15 mins late), my boss went up to him and fired him. Apparently this guy is constantly late, and my boss had had it with him.

Personally I think my boss went overboard, but it's his company.

Luckily I never get here late, to be honest, I'm usually about an hour early every day.

This old life of mine...

Well, F lent me money last night.

A total of U$S 36. I'll have to pay this back with my comissions as well as more money I owe to her for Frankie's schooling.

With the money that F lent me I paid off the stupid $800 (eight hundred mother fucking uruguayan pesos) that I owed. That was a relief, but now I have to think about paying F back. Oh well, when that happens I'll be happier.

On another note, my boss eliminated Internet and MSN Access for our cubicles. This was done, apparently because one of the workers was checking out too much porn and chating with her friends all the time!!

That pisses me off, but Boss man does whatever he wants.

Well, off to work, hopefully I'll take Frankie to school tomorrow.

Don't try this at home!

I did something just now that I'm sure I'll regret for the rest of my life.

I asked F for a loan.

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Knowing her, she'll hold it over me for the rest of my life.

I was supposed to get paid my comissions today. But of course I'm me, so of course I didn't. My boss got into a fight with his secretary, and she stormed out with the comissions. He promised us that we're gonna get paid tomorrow, but I have to pay my grandmother and my mother tonight, and no excuses will serve.

I pondered and pondered, and suffered, and suffered some more. Then I called the only person that I know, who has money, and who wouldn't ask questions, and who isn't my family (anymore). I have a couple of friends, who would gladly lend me the money, but they don't have any to lend. And besides, I need the money by the time I get home, cause if not, I ain't sleeping at home.

So I called her.

And believe me it was the last thing I wanted to do.

I already owe her money for Frankie's school payments, but that is justifiable. This, I'm sorry to say is not.

FUCK!

So, after work, I'm going over to her place to pick up the money. And it's a stupid measly 800 pesos, which translates to U$S 34, approximately. Stupid motherfucking money. At least I get the benefit of seeing my son again for a couple of minutes. I love seeing my son, but asking F for money but believe me, I didn't want to do that.

Wish me luck.

Trying to get through the month

I was supposed to be paid my comissions yesterday. I'm kinda pissed that I wasn't.

There are a shitload of things I have to pay, and those damned U$S 272 will really help me out, but if my boss doesn't pay me, I can't pay my debts.

I owe F for Frankie's school costs, I owe my grandmother (who came back from Canada on Saturday). I owe my mom, and I owe two colleagues.

I'm still not sure how I should move forward, workwise I mean.

The job is great, the people are really nice here, and the ambiance is really good, aside from the damned moron sitting next to me. But this payment thing really has me considering.

You see, I was interviewed for a job at Zonamerica last month. They pay U$S 550 minimum, for people with English skills and Call center experience. But I didn't take it because I saw an incredible earning potential here. For February (being a very lazy ass) between Salary and Comissions, I made a total of U$S 492.

That means that this month, busting some ass, I should be able to reach U$S 600 easily. But the boss is slow on paying us. At Zonamerica, I would be a drone, so to speak, working a 9-5 job, but I'd get paid on time, every month, without hesitations.

It truly makes me consider my working situation.

He'd better pay us today, 'cause I really need that money. Or else I won't be able to go home tonight!

That's how pissed my grandmother would be.

I know, I know, money problems always arise with me and her. I think it's an immutable law of the universe.

ARRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Does anyone know the number for an assasin?

I'm really getting fed up with the moron sitting beside me.

She keeps saying the stupidest things, and the worst part is, she has no idea how stupid they are.

It's very tiresome, and annoying. I'm actually considering leaving this job because of the need to work with this damned bitch.

Vampirella, in Canada, had nothing on this idiot.

FUCK!

A history of the women I've cared for

I was reminiscing the other day about the women that I've cared for in my life.

It's a pretty damned long list.

You see, I fall in "like" easily, falling in love is a little tougher. To be honest I've only ever loved three women in my life.

So as I thought to myself how many women I've cared for, I also thought that it would make for an interesting, and long, post.

To protect the innocent, I will only give their first names with their last name's initial.

LIKES
Janet N.
Jessica F.
Ana L.
Danita V.
Anne F.
Amanda M.
Filomena Z.
Pauline B.
Sabrina S.
Andrea B.
Magdalena D.
Leslie F.
Nancy N.
Maria Angelica F.
Lisa R.
Sally M.
Tanya P.

LOVES
Tania M.
Fabiana M.
Amanda S.

Please take into account that the girls I liked did not necessarily like me back. And to be honest, I never dated any girl until I started dating my first love Tania M.

I hope to love again, I hope to like again. But who knows.

I feel like I wanna break something!

I just got back from my break, and coming up in the elevator was the bane of my existence.

My ex-wife's boyfriend. ARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

I just feel sooooooo fucking frustrated. There he was alone, and all I wanted to do was rip his throat out. All I could do was say hi, and talk to him about how my son was doing.


GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!

I wish I could talk to Cowgirl about it, but she won't be on until later.

I just feel sooooo damned useless.

A new school for my progeny, and other stuff

Frankie is starting a new school tomorrow.

It's called Colegio Santa Maria. He's got a wonderful little red overcoat uniform. F and I went to the parent's meeting today. It was a nice little get-together so that we could meet the children's teachers.

Frankie is going to have a heck of a lot of fun. I'm taking him tomorrow, but because of my work schedule I won't be able to pick him up.

In other news. The calculation's for this month's salary and comissions came in. For February I was able to achieve 42 sales giving me a total of U$S 272 in comission, more than doubling my salary. So I've been leaping for joy :D

Since my grandma is in Canada, my grandfather and I are on our own. At least until the end of the month. We've been getting along fairly well, no serious outbursts, nothing new there. But until my grandma gets back, my apartment search is on hold. I just don't feel comfortable leaving my grandpa alone for now.

More of an update post, I know. But still a post.

Being devilish ... bwahahahahahahahahaha!

I'm seriously bored at work today.

Not just your regular lazy-day boredom, but serious staring at how my armhair grows boredom.

So I decided to be a little devilish and play a slight prank on Vampirella Jr. (as you may recall, Vampirella was a serious bitch in Canada who worked with me, well, Vampirella Jr [VJ for short] is a seriously stupid ass bitch who works with me here in Uruguay).

Just to screw around with her a bit, I've been signing in with her MSN login everytime she logs in. She uses a very standard numeric password, so it's extremely easy.

I know I shouldn't, but it's fun as all holy hell. HEHEHEHEHE!

Well, if anyone knows of any other ways to eliminate my boredom, please do tell.

My soul....hmmmmm

You Are a Newborn Soul

You are tolerant, accepting, and willing to give anyone a chance. On the flip side, you're easy to read and easily influenced by others. You have a fresh perspective on life, and you can be very creative. Noconformist and nontraditional, you've never met anyone who's like you. Inventive and artistic, you like to be a trendsetter. You have an upbeat spirit and you like almost everything. You make friends easily and often have long standing friendships. Implusive and trusting, you fall in love a little too easily. Souls you are most compatible with: Bright Star Soul and Dreaming Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

A choice I've made

I was inspired by a regrettably short conversation I had with my best friend Cowgirl last night.

I've made a choice.

I'm going to break it off with Betty.

Why am I going to do this you may ask?

Simple, or maybe not so simple. I want to be with someone who desires to be with me. I want to be with someone who isn't hesitant about our relationship. I want to be with someone who isn't bothered by the fact that I may be 2 years younger or older than she is (in Betty's case, I'm two years younger, which in my opinion is nothing), someone who won't want to leave me if I've grown a goatee.

This does not mean that I am going for Veronica. To be honest, I don't even know if I have a chance with her. But it does mean that I will try to find someone who is right for me. Someone who wants to be with me as much as I want to be with her.

This is a simple matter of me looking for what I truly want, and not conforming to what comes at me first. Is this a selfish point of view? Perhaps, perhaps not. But aren't we all selfish when it comes to looking for love?

Once we're in love, and in a relationship, then the selfishness ends. Must end. But up until then, we search for the person we want to be with, not just the first one that shows up.

I guess I'll have to search for a while.

This weekend sucked ass!

The first part of Saturday was nice. Fabiana called me and asked me if I wanted to go with her and Frankie to pick up his school uniform. Of course I said yes.

I met them downtown, which is only about 5 blocks from where I work. There we went into the shop where they sell his school uniform. It's a gorgeous outfit. There's a dark red overcoat (actually thinner than an overcoat, here it's called a Tunica). And under that he wears a sports outfit. Blue and white track pants with a t-shirt of the same colour.

He seemed to like his uniform. I thought it was gorgeous.

After that we went for a walk on the main street of Montevideo, 18 de Julio. Frankie was in the mood for Hot Dogs, so we went to a restaurant that specializes in Hot Dogs. Frankie ate 4.

Finally Fabiana told me that Frankie wanted to spend the day with me and possibly the night. I loved the idea, so I told her of course. I took Frankie to my grandparent's place, and there I found Hell on Earth.

My Grandmother is having problems with her bank account in Canada (my suspicion is that the problem that has arisen is that my uncle has emptied her bank account). So she's travelling to Canada today to try and fix whatever happened. The problem is that both my Grandmother and Grandfather were fighting like mad dogs.

I didn't like the idea of Frankie being in that environment. So later that night I took him back to his Mom's place. I seriously wanted to stay with Frankie, and we had had a nice day together. Went to McDonald's, went to the park, also went for a walk on the beach. Very nice, and he loved it. But I took him to his home. And that's when my night went to shit.

After I dropped Frankie off at home, I got a call from one of my work mates, Bert. He wanted to go for some beer and pool. I thought it was a great idea, but I didn't want to spend too much money, since I had just gotten paid, and I need to pay some bills.

I have no idea, to be honest, what happened, but we got sooooo drunk. Too much beer. Next thing I know we're at this whore-house. Bert wanted to get laid. I just wanted to go to sleep. So while he was waiting for the next available hooker, we kept drinking.

It was a total fuck up. I spent all of my money that night!

I'm so fucking pissed at myself for being such an idiot.

Shit.

I got home at noon on Sunday, with a serious fucking hangover, and almost no money. And my grandparents were still fighting.

I slept for about 7 hours, and woke up with a worse hangover. Took a shower, and popped some Tylenol.

I'm still pissed at myself. It's not like I blew thousands of dollars, it was U$S70. But still, here in Uruguay, that's some nice change. And I blew it all on beer and pool. Not even a shitty ass hooker.

Shit.

Target Sales

I have to try to make 3 sales a day.

That's what my boss told me yesterday in a meeting. 3 sales per day is the objective, and we've been averaging 1 or 2 sales per day.

The campaign we're working on is sales for an online pharmaceutical company in the US. My first 9 days on the job I made 19 sales, and considering that I had never worked in telemarketing before, that was a pretty decent level. But, as of yesterday I've only made 27 sales.

Why haven't I made our target sales? I could blame the annoying bitch who sits next to me, to whom I had to explain 5 times (YES! 5 times!!!) how to use the mouse. I could blame the shitty database we have, which is already repeating names. I could blame my constant preocupation with finding a new place to live. But, no I won't. I'm to blame, noone else. I've been slacking. I have to admit that to myself and here, even if I won't admit it anywhere else. Instead of pushing the sales, I've been lazy. I guess I don't feel comfortable selling.

I know the psychology of sales fairly well, and I'm fairly convincing with people. But even so I haven't really been trying.

So last night after getting home. I lay in bed for maybe 2 hours just staring at the ceiling. I focused my mind, and told myself that today I will be making 7 sales, and that will be my minimum for the last few days of this month.

This is not a goal, this is a fact.

I will leave aside my laziness, my lack of focus, and make these 7 sales per day, so that my boss will know that I can do this. I will do this.

There is no doubt in my mind.

Everything costs money...

How could we ever survive without some form of currency these days?

This question pops into my head constantly these days since I ran out of cash. I got paid last about a week and a half ago the days that I worked in January, which weren't many. But the money is already gone.

I spent most of it last Saturday with Frankie (and didn't mind doing that one bit). I also spent quite a bit on my Saturday night date with Betty, which did leave me thinking as to why.

But since Monday I've been out of cash, and trying to survive without it. It's not an extremely difficult task for me, since food and board are provided to me by my grandmother. But transport is troublesome without money.

Luckily my grandparent's place is only about 20 blocks from my workplace, so I walk to and fro.

But still, if I wanted to buy a Coke, for example, it would be out of my league. Or even a bag of chips for that matter.

So I started thinking, how would we ever survive in this world without some form of currency, hard cash. Would we slip back to the days of bartering? Would we fall into anarchistic tendencies, taking whatever we needed from wherever we found it? This may seem a little extreme, but it makes you wonder.

Consider this...The basic necessities of life are Food, a roof over our heads and clothes. Someone to share this with is obviously desired, but not an absolute necessity. But to get all of these basic necessities in today's society, requires money. So does that make money a more important necessity than food?

We need money to survive. We need money to thrive. We need money, period.

Every one of us works with the supposition that we do so so that we will be able to provide ourselves or our families with those basic necessities, but in reality, we're working to achieve the economic possibility of providing those basic necessities. Money comes first.

I have a friend here at work who currently has no family. He's living in a low budget boarding house, where he lives with 4 other guys in one single room. If, God forbid, he didn't have money to pay for his food and boarding, he wouldn't have the support that I do. He doesn't have a grandmother who will have a hot plate of food waiting for him everytime he gets home. If he doesn't have the money to pay for his boarding, he won't have a place to sleep. This makes the necessity of money all the more important for him.

So, how could we survive? Many people obviously do. But it would be through tremendous hardship.

I don't know if I'm strong enough to survive that way. And that's a scary thought.

Enjoying Frankie & Carnaval!

What a great time I had on Saturday!

Seriously, Saturday was an amazing time for me.

I decided to go pick Frankie up in the morning and take him to the mall. We went for breakfast at McDonald's, I had an Egg McMuffin, while Frankie had Hotcakes with strawberry syrup on them.

Then we went shopping for a couple of toys that I had promised him. He inevitably picks the same toys, so I had to convince him to buy something different. He ended up buying a Spider-Man web shooter glove, and a figure of the Green Goblin. His face was such a wonderful thing to see. Happy and full of joy :D

I asked him at that point what he wanted to do, and he said "Papa let's go see a movie". I was all for that, so I took him to see The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. What an amazing movie!

The story itself is much more for a young adult audience, than a 3 and a half year old child, but Frankie followed the movie perfectly, enjoying it every step of the way. I highly recommend this movie to adults and children alike.

After the movie, Frankie was getting tired, so I took him back home, and he went to take a nap.

I went back to my grandparent's place (couldn't move to a new place that I had found for several foolish and annoying reasons, so I'm still looking) and decided to take a nap myself. I wasn't in bed for more than 10 minutes when the telephone rang. It was Betty (my gf, so to speak, although we haven't defined our relationship in the least).

She called to invite me to a Tablado. Some of you might be wondering, what the heck is that? Well let me give you a breakdown.

During the end of summer season, here in Uruguay, there is a festivity called Carnaval which is the second largest carnival celebration in the world after the Brazilian celebration. The celebration takes place for nearly the entire month before the period of Lent in Uruguay. There are parades, bands, comedians, and costumes consuming the streets at all hours.

There are many different theories of when and where the celebration Carnival originated. The most well known was in Iraq. Iraq had a five-day ritual for the Momo king. The roles of society were switched and one of the lowest members of society would become king for five days. He would then be killed and the people were liberated from all evil. Christian culture has since adapted rituals that occurred before Lent and all of Europe celebrated some type of Carnival big or small. Carnaval in Uruguay is a very important part of the black population, which is very significant. Around the early 1900’s Candombe music, which was created by black slaves in Uruguay became part of the celebration.

Today Carnaval in Uruguay specifically Montevideo month long party. This party is initiated by 2 parades, 1 called El Desfile de Carnaval (The Carnaval Parade) and another called El Desfile de las Llamadas (The Calling Parade). The entire city shuts down for the entire week before the forty days of Lent. Almost 300,000 citizens of Uruguay flock to the capital city to become a part of the tradition every year.

After these 2 parades, there are daily presentations of groups and bands that have performed in each of the parades. These daily presentations are called Tablados (literally meaning Stages, which is where the groups and bands perform). There are several of these groups, these being: Murgas, Comparsas, Lubolos, Humoristas, Parodistas, and Revistas. What you find most at these Tablados are Murgas and Comparsas.

Normally both are musical groups, with strong social and political criticism in their songs. As well as incredible humour. This is not slapstick humour where a pie in the face will make you laugh your ass off, this is political, social, parodist humour.

Saturday night was the first time I had gone to one of these in 20 years. And to be honest, I barely remember the last time.

I quite literally laughed all night, until 3 am, when the show ended. It was absolutely amazing, and I am definitely going to repeat the experience.

After the show, I went to Betty's place, where we talked for a while, and then we went to bed. Literally.

I still don't really know what to think of this woman. I'm attracted to her, but not amazingly attracted, like I am to Veronica. Is it wrong of me to have sex with her when I'm more attracted to another woman?

Am I cheating on Betty just by being attracted to Veronica?

I really don't know. But at least I had fun this weekend :)

An overwhelming feeling of being in an oven...

The heat here is overbearing.

Temperature wise it's not that hot for a Uruguayan summer, only 32º C, but the humidity is at 98% and that's just killer.

I decided to walk to work today, to save on the bus fare, but also to get a bit of excercise. Boy o boy, was that a bad idea!

5 minutes after I left my grandparent's I was drenched in sweat, and considering that it's about a 25 minute walk to work, I was seriously soaked.

The walk over is a nice one, especially on a nice sunny day like this one, but the humidity ruins the enjoyment.

Arriving at work, at the very least there was a nice breeze, which helped. But once I got into the office, holy shit!

It felt at least 5º hotter in the office than it did outside.

Now, here I am sitting in front of my computer, trying to get some sales (I wanna get at least 4 more sales today before I leave), and talking to Veronica.

I just hope I don't melt away before my shift ends.

My heart as it seems to be...

Love is a many splendoured thing, especially for those who are in love.

We walk through our lives with only one hope. To enjoy the company of someone who enjoy's our company. Granted, there are some people in the world who want to be alone, but it is my firm belief that this desire for solitude, is born out of harshness lived. I may be wrong, and I may not be.

I currently find myself in an interesting situation. For the past two or three weeks I have been dating a woman I met here in Uruguay. We get along fairly well, and the sex is good (yes, I'm actually having sex, hell hath frozen over). But I've become attracted to a woman at work. She's a few years younger than I am, and we're just getting to know each other, so I don't know where it could lead, if anywhere. But confusion abounds.

I cannot in all honesty say that I am in love, with either one. That would be foolish of me. But the attraction I feel for the woman at work, whom I will call Veronica, is quite strong. And to be honest, it is a different kind of attraction than what I feel for the woman I've been dating (let's call her Betty).

(I seem to be following a strange Archie Comics theme here)

With Betty, the attraction is solely physical. While with Veronica, I don't know what kind of attraction it is, since I'm just getting to know her.

I'm on the horns of a dillemna. And as my father would say "Watch how you sit on them".

Any thoughts out there?

Either way, I figure the best way to understand love, and the possibility of falling in love again is to know more about how I love. So following the desire to learn more about myself in the matter of love, I followed the suggestion of a friend, and went to Blogthings and decided to find out what my Candy Heart would say. I wasn't too surprised.

Now I leave it for all of you to see.

Your Candy Heart Says "First Kiss"

You're a true romantic who brings an innocent hope to each new relationship.You see the good in every person you date, and you relish each step of falling in love. Your ideal Valentine's Day date: a romantic dinner your sweetie cooks for you Your flirting style: friendly and sweet What turns you off: cynics who don't believe in romance Why you're hot: you always keep the romance alive

What Does Your Candy Heart Say?

Happy Valentine's Day to all!

I leave you all with a wonderful quote I found earlier this morning.

It pretty much sums up what I feel regarding love.

"Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with it."
--Unknown

My Resolution

And it's a good one.

I know that at the very least one person will be happy!

I've decided that beginning today, and with this post, I will be updating and posting in my blog at the very least once every 2 days.

I miss my blog. I used to post in here daily if not more. But since I arrived in Uruguay, I've been lax with my blog. My best friend has pointed this out to me on several different occasions.

The reasons as to the lack of posts are simple. While I was in Canada, I was inspired. I had things happening to me daily that garnered my creativity in my posts.

Since I arrived here in Uruguay, my life has been rutinary, boring, even depressing. Which has not inspired me to write in my blog.

But now. Even if I have no inspiration, I will seek it out. (And just to keep those of you who actually read my blog interested, I do have some points of inspiration ;-) )

You will be enthralled, you will be amazed, you will be appalled at times as well, but you will be reading me again!

Enjoy!

A miniscule update

Hey all.

Haven't blogged for awhile. There is good reason for that.

First of all Happy New year to all. Hope you enjoyed the end of 2005 and beginning of 2006.

There hasn't been much to blog about, since my life has become a routine of looking for work and not finding it, living with my grandmother and seeing Frankie a couple of times a week.

This last week was really tough since I hadn't seen Frankie at all. I've been helping my grandmother fix the new house she bought, in which I will hopefully not live if I can find work again.

Luckily I made some time yesterday to go pick up Frankie and spend the day with him. Since it's been raining cats and dogs here for a whole week (the weather is seriously fucked up) I took him to one of the malls in Montevideo. Specifically Montevideo Shopping Center (I know, really original name, but it was the first mall to open up here in 1993). While there I took him to McDonald's and he spent at least 4 hours playing in the play area. He had a great time.

I then decided to take him to see a movie. Originally we were going to see The Chronicles of Narnia, but then he saw the poster for Valiant and chose that.

It was a great little movie, about the Carrier Pidgeon service during WWII. Apparently based on true facts, but obviously from the pidgeon perspective. Frankie loved it.

I then took him back to his home and made my way back to my grandma's place.

We had a seriously great time together.

This whole non-work situation has my nerves wracked. I just can't believe I can't get a job. I think I'm going nuts.

I've sent literally dozens of resumés out, but no responses, and that sucks. I'm well qualified for pretty much anything and yet I can't find work. My parents think that I'm over-qualified for work here, since I've worked at IBM, as an English teacher, at an Embassy, at a Call center, as well as other jobs.

I swore yesterday on the bus going home that I am going to find work this week, and find a place to live next week. I HAVE TO!

But everything I want to do depends on my finding work first.

Damn that!

I want to do sooooooo much, but until I find work I can't.

The only thing I can do is not lose hope.